Dear Mr. Support Person:
Should my Honus & Tyrus & Babe Oh My team accidentally make the playoffs, please disqualify it and give the spot to the more-deserving 1919 Cincinnati Asteriks, even if they can't spell their own name. It appears that their owner missed his nap time, had his lolly stolen, and was not allowed out for recess at preschool, so hopefully this brightens his little self-absorbed world just a bit. Honus and co. are ashamed to have amassed some of our wins in non-live games, which as you know I try to maximize for all my teams so I don't have to play more than the minimum. And all that after your programmers were kind enough to rig things so I somehow split my season series with his vastly superior team, the one that he started whining would miss the playoffs within a few hours of the league starting. I can't bear to think I'd be the reason he might miss yet another chance in the playoffs, which he would make for an incredible second time in just 34 full seasons. Clearly, such an occurrence can only be blamed on the rest of the league ducking his fearsome powerhouse. The injustice, the appalling blow to all of humanity, of keeping the best team ever assembled out of the playoffs is something I cannot accept responsibility for.
PS-Need to add a thanks for bringing Live back up within 90 seconds of his most recent rant about the terrible fate befalling his team. It is comforting to know that you have a sense of humor.