Posted by citizenkane on 11/30/2013 1:58:00 PM (view original):

Posted by moreron on 11/30/2013 1:33:00 PM (view original):
47 percent of the coaches on this thread will keep playing GD no matter what. They are dependent upon GD and believe they are victims. They believe that a working 3.0 is an entitlement. All Oriole needs to fix this thing is full folders of women.

Free The Pit!

An exclusive behind the scenes look at an un-named wholly-ignored division of Fox Sports.:

Sr Exec#1 - OK, let's look at all our products.  All of them seem to be performing adequately, but I'm sure we can improve.  Ideas?

Jr Exec#1 - Well our speedboat racing game is growing fast - much faster than our handball game, which is actually losing customers.

Sr Exec#2 - Kill the speedboat game.  It is obviously taking customer away from handball, and we can't have that.

Jr Exec#2 - I think our games are stagnant. We should announce new upgrades.

Programmer #1 - But we haven't delivered on our previously announced upgrades yet...

Sr Exec #1 - That's negative thinking, Programmer.  We're going to have to cut your development budget for that.

Programmer #1 - How is that supposed to help things?

Jr Exec #1 - Hmm,. not a team player Programmer #1?  We'll have to cut your staff too.  Programmer #2, you are fired.

<A short period of silence ensues, as it dawns on everyone that there IS NO Programmer #2.>

Sr. Exec #1 - Wow, all that decision making makes me hungry.  Receptionist, please call Steak-Fil-A and have them deliver Champagne and Filet Mignon for everyone.  Except you, of course.

Jr Exec #3 - Sir, shouldn't we try to save money on lunch?  Then we could put that money into training for our Customer Service Reps.

Sr Exec #1 - Good Idea.  Receptionist, change thatorder to Champagne and Filet Mignon for everyone except you and Jr. Exec #3.  He's being re-assigned to the Customer Service desk.

Jr Exec #3 - But I don't know anything about the games, and we already have enough Customer Service Reps.

Sr Exec #2 - Excellent point.  CSR #1, you are fired to make room for former Jr Exec #3.

Jr Exec #3 - Wasn't CSR #1 our best trained and most knowledgable CSR? 

Sr Exec #1 - In these tough times, we all have to tighten our belts.  Where's my Filet Mignon?

Receptionist - Pardon the interruption, but the GUESS Reports have been posted.

Sr Exec #1 - Fantastic!  Meeting Adjourned!  How does Notre Dame look this season, Programmer #2?  Er, I mean #1.

Programmer #1 - Preason Ranked #1, just like it's coded into the Sim, sir.

From ChairTrek 3 - The Search For BHaz

{2chair sitting in the Captain's cabin with a Vulcan man. We hear 2chair's voice}

Captain's log, Stardate 50touchespergame.whydoesn'tthedefensekeyonthatguy: After the tragic death of BHaz, I am meeting with his father, snake_p, who seems
insistent that BHaz is not really dead.

2chair: He's {clenches fists} DEAD {unclenches fists}. He died - RIGHT THERE. I saw - him - DIE. I've never known anyone - so - ....

snake_p: - if you say "human," I'm going to set my phaser to "tape your mouth shut" and kick you on the balls.

2chair: Oh! Since when are Vulcans so -

snake_p: - if you say "inhumane," I'm going to dump you head first into your toilet and give you a swirlie. I've decided that the average earthling has the IQ of a cabbage.

2chair: snake_p, you're grieving! {slaps communicator on chest} BBBBOOOOOONNNNNEEEESSSSS!

{voice from communicator} If you want to talk to hot, sexy women {2chair frantically slaps communicator to shut voice off}

snake_p: Like I said. Look, BHaz would never have risked contamination and death from the GD3 virus without leaving his life essence safe within somebody. Have you noticed any odd behavior among your crew?

2chair: Define "odd."

snake_p: {sighing}: You spoke to BHaz last, Did he touch you and say "remember"?

2chair: He - couldn't {clenches fists} - MOVE. {slaps communicator} uh, Bones?

polabones: I'm sitting right here, dumbass. {camera pans back to reveal Bones is in the room}.

2chair: BOOOOOONNNNNNEEEESSSS! Why. Didn't. You. Allow. BHaz. To. Move?

polabones: Dammit, 2chair! I'm a doctor not a puppet master!!

snake_p: ENOUGH! I've seen better acting in a first grade play! You said BHaz isolated a living virus onto a memory stick. He must have preserved his spirit there! BHaz would have found a way!! Where's the memory stick?

polabones: 2chair! Arfy would have taken it! They store all their *not* - well, never mind about that. Call Arfy!

{2chair slaps communicator}: Arfy!

Arfy {over communicator} Oh for the love of St. Andrew ye blabbering baboon! Ye said ye'd not call us for three days! I cannae promise there won't be a mutiny, ye dafty bampot.

polabones: Arfy! It's about BHaz! Where's the memory stick that BHaz stored the GD3 virus on?

Arfy: memory stick? What - oh. mojolad grabbed it and ran.

2chair: Bring. mojolad. To. The. Conference. Room. Now!

{scene change: 2chair, snake_p, polabones are seated in conference room along with harrisbw30 who is wearing a Solidarnösc T shirt and reading "A Moron's Guide To Distilling Star Fleet Latrine Wodka}."

2chair: Arfy and mojolad aren't here. Yet.

polabones and snake_p: No kidding.

{from outside we hear voices arguing. The door opens and Arfy is dragging mojolad into the conference room. Behind them is Nurse Chapel. Like Uhuru, she is nowhere near as hot as you remember}.

mojolad: No! I'm wearing a red shirt, and I work security! After I go nscreen!!I'm going to get blown away like James Caan in a toll booth!

Arfy: Aw, quit crying ye petal pushing twally! {turns to Nurse Chapel} Jag him up with truth serum will ye lassy?

Jc1796/nurse chapel: DAMMIT! I'm a man!! You want to come after me for dressing like a nurse in a Skinemax late night special, come after me! Write something about me! I'm a man!!! I can take it! DAMMIT! I'm a man!!!

snake_p: The decision to cast jc1796 as Nurse Chapel was most - illogical {turns to mojolad} Where is the memory stick BHaz was using?

mojolad: Uh, I was, uh, I mean, uh Arfy told me to, uh, I mean, uh, no comment.

2chair: Dammit, mojolad! Be a man! Like Nurse Chapel over there! Be a man!

mojolad: I'd rather not say anything.

2chair: {clenches fists} you've got to answer! I will use Harsh. Interrogation. Methods. {unclenches fists}

polabones: 2chair! No! You can't do that! This isn't a Siberian gulag!

harriswb30: hey! I grew up in Siberian Gulag. Not so bad once you get used to East German Kartoffel Krap wodka.

2chair: mojolad! Talk! Or - I will paralyze you, place headphones on your head, and.... make you listen to Barry Manilow music!

polabones: 2chair! No! Who do you think you are? Joseph Stalin?

harriswb30: Stalin never did that! Perhaps he should have.

mojolad: OK! I will talk! I...was going to download some uh - not porn into it. But...

snake_p: You deleted my son's living spirit because you wanted to download -

mojolad: No! No! No! It didn't work.

snake_p: Did you see any sign of BHaz on there????

mojolad: uuuhhhhhh, oh, yeah! There was like this, like, weird 3D thing that looked like BHaz that said something about not shooting his corpse into space and that he could easily be restored if we did something or other. I mean, it was no big deal.

snake_p: you are going to spend the rest of your short, pitiful life getting rectal exams from angry Klingons - after you tell me what you haven't told me.

mojolad: uuuhhh, well, there was something about the only thing that could go wrong is if mojolad saw this. "He's dumber than a bag of moon rocks," was BHaz's quote. Something like that.

Posted by harriswb3 on 12/1/2013 10:40:00 PM (view original):
Congratulations....I now spend more time on this thread than I do actually trying to figure out how to make this engine work!