We invite you to join the
Schmidt Family. After all, a man who doesn't join
Schmidt isn't really a man at all...
Schmidt is a world of tradition; a world of quality.
We believe in America. We believe in opportunity. We believe in simulated baseball.
Schmidt has opportunities for advancement in our organization: FOUR open franchises that need your
quality leadership,
R-E-S-P-E-C-T, vision, ambition, good humor, sobriety (optional)
, wisdom, fealty, love, and
stick-to-itiveness.
AVAILABLE FRANCHISES
1. AL East: former Kansas City Bush Leaguers Franchise. (CLAIMED)
"That's my family, Kate. That's not me."
Oh, please. That's TOTALLY you. You're as cold and calculating and brutal as any mobster in history or imagination. Sure, you're taken a few
lumps recently (
see above photo), but we know you well enough to know this is just a plot device leading to something big.
Under the leadership of Schmidt Family legend chadrader, this franchise has been a perennial playoff team with potent mix of pitching and offense, young and veteran. SPs
Miguel Saez,
Parker Bradley, and
Dave May form a playoff-worthy threesome that can go as far as you want. Switch-hitting combo
2B/CF Sherry Lorin and
3B Steve McPherson put offensive power at skill positions.
This franchise was run with shrewd, careful vision. For the coming season, the roster will be trending somewhat old, but contracts are reasonable and there will be salary flexibility to re-load.
So… do you roll over and let new players muscle their way into control of the AL East? Or do you have the vision and ruthlessness to reassert yourself and make it Springtime for this proud franchise?
2. AL North: former Montreal Bears Franchise. (CLAIMED)
"No more discussions! No more tricks! You give 'em one message— I want [the AL North]! It's all-out war, we go to the mattresses…"
Wow. This franchise is one brutal SOB, and has spent the last 7 seasons punishing the punks in the AL community.
This franchise has OWNED the American League, making seven straight World Series appearances before this past season. That is not a typo: seven straight AL typos. There are
no albatross contracts, and most of the talent from the dominant run is still under control and in its prime: Cy Young perennials
Clarence Boyle and
Alan Valentine, plus younger CY aspirant
Dwight Walker and über-reliever
Willie Arroyo. And it's not just pitching… what does a 5-time MVP look like? Like this:
Carlos Diaz. 'Nuff said. Only because Diaz is on the team can you poo-poo the potent bats of
Bert Gerut and
Melky Espinosa, who together make it impossible to pitch around Diaz.
Seriously… how many franchises do you know that have this kind of assembled talent, all signed at hometown discount prices?
This franchise is ready to win now and win big. It's a
wartime franchise ready for a
wartime consigliere. Is it you?
3. AL South: former Mexico City Taco Cats Franchise. (PENDING)
"Anyway, if I had this part in the picture, it puts me right back on top, you know. But this… this man out there. He won't give it to me. The head of the studio."
So, how are the pipes, Johnny? Are you just one big break away from renewed glory?
YOU CAN ACT LIKE A MAN! "What do I do, Godfather?" You know what to do! Take the studs you were gifted (example: young, best SS in the AL:
Gregory Kelly) and build a more complete team around them. Former GM sjstapleton did good work starting this rebuild, but has to pass the reigns to a worthy successor.
The larder has prospects, particularly deep in pitching:
Vladimir Perez
Doug Rhodes
Henry Maduro
Cookie Rosado
Vic Javier
Javier Cairo
Fritz Maxwell
Plus you'll get the
#3 draft pick in the amateur draft. Enjoy it.
4. AL South: former Texas Zorreros Franchise Profile. (CLAIMED)
"Thank you for inviting me on the occasion of your [simulated baseball league rollover]."
Ah, lovable, loyal, brutal Luca. No doubt, he was an imposing presence. But it's a thin line between being the deadliest guy in the Family and… well,
see above photo.
Must you sleep with the fishes? Is this a foregone conclusion? Of course not. But let this image remind you of what's at stake here. Stay motivated. Stay cautious. Stay hungry.
Ron Baxter and
Tony Matsui are great players, to be sure, but they can hardly fend off the men wielding garrotes all by themselves...
Like it's companion open franchise in the relatively weak AL South, this is a mid-stage rebuild that has been acquiring talent:
Brady Stankiewicz
Miguel De La Rosa
Midre Montanez
Jack Wall
Geraldo Johnson
Juan Duran
Phillip Davis
And I highlight
this guy because… he's a very good prospect, but have you ever seen a more snake-bitten season?
Plus you can enjoy the
#7 draft pick in the upcoming amateur draft.
By the way, has anyone noticed the disturbing similarity between the fictional Luca Brasi and a
present day prominent New Jersey figure?
It's kind of uncanny and spooky, no? And now I can't get the image out of my head… Chris Christie's opening statement at a presidential primary debate:
"Thank you for inviting me on the occasion of your Fox News-sponsored Republican primary debate. And I hope that the first question is a masculine question." Ratings gold.
Thanks for reading— hope it was entertaining! To join the
Schmidt Family, you may sitemail the commish (me: Zzookeepp) or post below.
Select a franchise,
kiss the ring, and get ready to enjoy simulated baseball in (arguably) the most
collegial, fun, and talented community of owners in Hardball.
ALERT! One more franchise listed below— Please scroll down