All Forums > The Pit > The Pit > Jokes
1/9/2013 11:09 PM
An older, white-haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young woman at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, “No, I’d like to see something more special.”

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought out another ring.

“Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000? the jeweler said.

The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man, seeing this, said, “We’ll take it.”

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man said, “By check, but I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds. I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.” he said.

Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. “There’s no money in that account.”

“I know,” said the old man, “But let me tell you about my weekend!!


1/9/2013 11:34 PM
and that is how it is done
5/8/2013 4:38 PM
A group of bikers were riding west  when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge - so they stopped.
Les, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says, "What are you doing?"

She says, "I'm going to commit suicide."

While he didn't want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss a be-a-legend opportunity either so he asked ... "Well, before you jump, would you give me a kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.

After they finished, Les gets approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

It's still unclear whether he jumped or was pushed.
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5/8/2013 7:46 PM
Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool?







They kept dropping their trunks.
5/9/2013 6:22 AM
What's green and starred in "Foxes"?








KRISTY MCPICKLE

5/9/2013 6:51 PM
Why was Kim Kardashian fired from her role as Anne in Diary of Anne Frank?

The audience kept yelling "SHE'S IN THE CLOSET!!!!!!l
5/9/2013 6:51 PM
*takes bow*
5/10/2013 3:31 AM
2 guys walking down the street see a dog licking his balls. One guys says "Man, I wish I could do that", and his buddy says "You probably could, but you'll have to pet him first"
5/10/2013 7:52 PM
Guy is walking down the beach and he sees a girl with no arms or legs crying. Being a softie at heart, he walks up to her and asks her why she is crying. She tells him she has never been hugged. He thought it was weird but if it would make her happy, why not. So he hugged her. She kept on crying and when he asked her why she said that she had never been kissed before. He thought this was really weird but if it would make her happy, why not. So he kissed her. Well, she kept right on crying. He asked her why she was still crying and she said that she had never been ******, Well, he thought this was weird and sick, but if it would make her happy, why not. So he picked her up into his arms and throws her into the water and says "now your ******".
5/10/2013 7:56 PM
Whats red, brown and furry and flies through the air? A dead squirrel shot out of a lawn mower.


What's green, brown, black, has matted fur and hangs from a tree? Same squirrel 3 weeks later.

5/12/2013 5:30 PM
Confucius say :

he who goes to bed with itchy butt, wake up with smelly finger
5/12/2013 11:02 PM
A man is sitting is a restaurant waiting for his meal. The waitress comes over and set down a plate with a bun on it and the takes a hamburger out from under her armpit and tosses it on the bun. The man look at her and she says "I was keeping it warm for you.".  The man says, "Cancel my hot dog."
5/13/2013 7:50 AM
Confucius say:

It is good to meet girl in park, better to park meat in girl.
5/14/2013 8:32 PM
Confucius say

Virginity is like a balloon, one *****, all gone
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