1/16/2012 8:49 AM
    Grindl's story was touching. But QUIETMAN- You literally had me laughing uncontrollably for bout a minute. Funny as Hel_ !!!!
           (P.S. Sounds like something I would do; I'm serious :)
1/16/2012 8:54 AM
 Did someone mention puns ?
             This guy has severe case of flatulism; every time he f_rts it comes out sounding like:"HONDA" .
So he go's to the Doc. Doc sends him to oral surgeon. Oral surgeon does his surgery and cures the guy. 
But the guy is confused and says to surgeon:"Doc, I'm grateful. But how did oral surgery cure my problem"?
    Oral surgeon says: "What you had was an abscess. I removed the abscess. Didn't you know that  -   Abscess Makes the F_rt Go Honda"!?
1/16/2012 9:37 AM
PUNS!!
1/16/2012 11:08 AM
Posted by mojolad on 1/16/2012 8:54:00 AM (view original):
 Did someone mention puns ?
             This guy has severe case of flatulism; every time he f_rts it comes out sounding like:"HONDA" .
So he go's to the Doc. Doc sends him to oral surgeon. Oral surgeon does his surgery and cures the guy. 
But the guy is confused and says to surgeon:"Doc, I'm grateful. But how did oral surgery cure my problem"?
    Oral surgeon says: "What you had was an abscess. I removed the abscess. Didn't you know that  -   Abscess Makes the F_rt Go Honda"!?
1/16/2012 11:12 AM
progamming joke

One day, Jesus and Satan decided to settle which one of them was the best programmer. God was chosen to be the judge. Jesus and Satan got 10 hours to create the best program they could for the PC.

When 10 hours had past, the power suddenly went out, and all the data disappeared from both monitors. Moments later, the power came back on.

On Jesus's monitor, all the data had returned to its previous state, whereas Satan's monitor remained blank.

Satan got really ****** and complained to God.

God was quiet for a moment, then he laughed and said, "Jesus saves!" 
1/16/2012 11:13 AM
Oh, great, glaity's back.....



1/16/2012 11:15 AM
Posted by caesari on 1/16/2012 11:13:00 AM (view original):
Oh, great, glaity's back.....



Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.  ~Fred Allen
1/16/2012 11:19 AM
Haha I love that quote. Keep it up!  
1/16/2012 11:38 AM
The last time I went down to visit my Mom, she said a elderly family friend had fallen in his home. He wasn't hurt bad, but had to spend a few weeks at a nursing home. Would I mind going to visit? I said I would go and headed out to see him. When I arrived, I asked for his room and wandered down the hall. The caregiver said he was in the shower, but I could wait in his room.  I sat in his recliner and noticed a Sports Illustrated and a bowl of nuts on the nightstand. I picked up the SI and as I was reading about the 2011 NFL season and started absentmindedly munching on the nuts. By the time our friend was done with his shower and was wheeled into the room, I had almost finished the SI and unfortunately also the the bowl of nuts. "Oh, I'm so sorry about eating all of your nuts!" I said.
He smiled and said, "Don't worry. They were a gift. And I only like sucking the chocolate off the outside anyway!"
1/16/2012 11:40 AM
The first two Aggies to ever get their pilot's license were attempting to land on their first flight, but sadly they were killed in a crash landing.  When the black box was recovered, their final conversation was heard:
Co-pilot: "Uh, the runway looks kind of short".
Pilot: "Yeah, but look how wide it is".
1/16/2012 11:41 AM
Three guys sitting at the bar.  The first guy says, "my wife is so cold, you could put a ice cube on her belly button when she goes to bed and it will still be ice in the morning."  The second guy says, " my wife is so cold you could put a bottle of beer between her legs when she goes to bed and it would be cold in the morning."  The third guy says," That's nothin.  My wife opens her legs at night and the furnace comes on."
1/16/2012 11:50 AM
A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with
my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week." "This is a good opportunity for me to get that
promotion so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box.
We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up so have them ready. Oh!
Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."
The wife is suspicious but being a good wife she does exactly what her husband requested. The following
weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks
if he caught many fish? He says, "Yes! Lot's of Walleye, some Bluegill, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk
pajamas like I asked you to do?"
The wife replies; "I did, they were in your tackle box."
1/16/2012 12:12 PM (edited)
Auburn playing LSU.  It was a real barn burner. Late in the fourth quarter with a 3 point lead the LSU QB gets hurt.  The coach says "Lamar, get in there."  The asst coach says, "you know Lamar has the influenza and can't play."  So coach says "ok Lem come here. Look all you gotta do is on first down give the ball to the halfback.  On 2nd down hand the ball to the FB .  On 3rd down hand the ball to the HB again and on 4th down punt the ball away.  The defense should be able to hold them.  You got it?"  Lem says ok and in the game he goes.  They are on their own 20 yd line.  On 1st down he gives the ball to HB and he goes 27 yards. On the 2nd down he hands the ball to the FB and he goes 30 yds.  On the 3rd down he gave it to the HB again and he took it to the 1.  On 4th down he punted the ball out of the endzone.  Auburn gets it on the 20, drives the field and wins the game.  The coach was furious.  He said "LEM GET OVER HERE."  Lem trotted over and the coach said "I ain't gonna kill ya but just what was you thinking when you punted that ball?"  Lem looked at the coach and says," I was a thinkin I had the dumbest coach in the whole world."
1/16/2012 1:04 PM
Posted by caesari on 1/16/2012 8:28:00 AM (view original):
mb stole my golfing joke.... So here's another:

What do you do if you are caught in the middle of a thunderstorm while on the golf course? 
Wave a one iron above your head, because even God can't hit a one iron!
Ha. Sorry about stealing your golfing joke. Here's another to try to make it up to you:
Moses and Jesus are out golfing. On the 5th hole, a shot over water on to an island green, Moses hits his 6-iron and lands his ball perfectly on the green a few feet from the flagstick. Next, it's Jesus' turn, so he pulls out his 7-iron and starts to line up his shot.
Moses looks at Jesus and says "The 7 isn't going to be enough club, it will go straight into the water." Jesus replied "I've seen Tiger Woods do this hundreds of times. If Tiger can do it, I can."
He swings his 7-iron and sure enough, the ball plops into the middle of the water hazard. So, he tees up a second ball and says "If Tiger can do it, so can I," but in the water it goes again. He continues to do this until all of his golf balls are in the water. At this point, he begins walking on the water trying to locate the lost golf balls. The foursome behind them approaches the tee, and upon seeing Jesus out on the water, they turn to Moses and say "Who does that guy think he is, Jesus Christ?"
Moses looks back at them and replies, "No, he is Jesus Christ, but he thinks he's Tiger Woods."
1/16/2012 1:19 PM
Haha love it
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