Captain Kirk.  Spock here.  We have need of you in the conference room at your earliest convenience.

SPOOOOOCK!  I'm taking a dump in the crapper!  I'll be there in 5 minutes!  As soon as I get rid of these cling-ons.

Indeed!  

OK.  I'm done.  With most of 'em.

What's the big deal you got me off the crapper?

As you know, we finished our last mission of circling Uranus.  We are currently over the planet Socialistic. The people are living a substandard lifestyle. There are not enough jobs.  The many are living off the few and the whole social and economic structure has broken down. The planet is rife with disease and starvation and unrest.  Star Fleet has sent us here on a mission to reintroduce the concept of capitalism.  The planet once thrived under it but they have lost that science and seek our help to reintroduce it into their economic system.

So why do you need me?

Captain. May I introduce IAMACOCK NOBAMA.  A trader from the planet.  He seeks your permission to trade his wares including a small furry life entity the natives call a "Liberal."

Hello friend Kirk and crew of Star Fleet.  I am IAMACOCK NOBAMA, simple trader from the planet Socialistic.  I bring wares to trade.  Perhaps you would like one of these Liberals.

They appear harmless enough.  Apparently they have no brain.

I will allow these….Liberals….as long as they do not interfere with the function of my crew or the operation of this ship.

Excellent Captain!  These little creatures are the pride of our planet. Harmless souls giving love and comfort. They make you feel good. They ask for nothing in return but a crumb from your well stocked table. 

I have no emotions and yet I feel warmth from this creature.

I think it just ****** on my hand.