Greatest GD Thread in the History of WIS GD Topic

You'd be surprised how many old *** men we have on here (ahem, mojolad).
12/2/2013 8:49 PM
Take it easy caesari. I saw it in the theaters during WWII.
12/2/2013 9:42 PM
Citizen Kane ?  Wasn't that about that Kung Fu guy walking around the old west having adventures ? 
12/2/2013 11:30 PM
Posted by ez37 on 12/2/2013 9:42:00 PM (view original):
Take it easy caesari. I saw it in the theaters during WWII.
During World War 2 my great great great grand uncle had just graduated high school I think.
12/2/2013 11:33 PM
I have been waiting for you to pull out the Citizen Kane angle. I have more from the movie Patton and maybe another Shakespeare. Citizen Kane was considered the greatest movie of all time. Not sure why. I will also take suggestions.
12/2/2013 11:36 PM
Posted by caesari on 12/2/2013 11:33:00 PM (view original):
Posted by ez37 on 12/2/2013 9:42:00 PM (view original):
Take it easy caesari. I saw it in the theaters during WWII.
During World War 2 my great great great grand uncle had just graduated high school I think.
I knew him well. We used to play poker together.
12/2/2013 11:45 PM
I'll have something by friday night. As a writer, I will work hard on it.
12/3/2013 6:31 PM
Posted by 2chair on 12/2/2013 11:36:00 PM (view original):
I have been waiting for you to pull out the Citizen Kane angle. I have more from the movie Patton and maybe another Shakespeare. Citizen Kane was considered the greatest movie of all time. Not sure why. I will also take suggestions.
maybe one of the Charlie Chaplin silent films would be good.
12/3/2013 7:48 PM
Hahaha, I mean, check out the mouth on the man playing "Silent Bob" in my next contribution.

12/3/2013 8:01 PM
I was expecting almost anything, perhaps the debut of SpongeBob SquareChair, or The Dead Body of Generallismo Francisco Oriole, or ... or... or ... but I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition!
12/3/2013 8:18 PM
12/3/2013 8:50 PM


 In a dark room, Citizen Charles Foster Kane lies on his death bed holding his laptop in hand. He scrolls down on the page and as he does so, he murmurs, “Gee...Dee.” The laptop falls to the ground and crashes, the screen breaks into pieces, keys fly across the room. The door opens and the housekeeper walks in...


Arfy: Mr. Kane...Mr Kane...Mr. Kane! Oh my God! Mr. Kane! Arfy shakes Citizen Kane. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHY!!!!!! IS THERE NO GOD!?!?!


[Scene Change]


A much younger Charles Kane sits in front of a television playing the latest edition of Madden.


Younger Kane: Yes! I won! I'm the best to ever play this game.


The house cat meows and rubs against Kane's back before walking off to take a **** in the corner behind the couch. (The damned cat never used that litter box.) Kane's parents stand in the kitchen discussing.


Kane's Mother: We must do something. He has already mastered Madden. Whatifsports released it's 2.0 version of GridIron dynasty, but he refuses to play. He has 8 seasons left on his Anderson(IN) team and if he doesn't start recruiting his assistant coach is going to make his team turn to a worthless hunk of ****.


Kane's Father: He did so well with version 1.0. He nearly averaged 600 a game rushing on the ground, but he told me he was sick of losing games on a missed PAT. 2.0 was supposed to be the cream of the crop. What ever happened?


Kane's Mother: That motherf****r, Jconte ruined it all. He started taking away reward points. Made it nearly impossible to budget during recruiting by only returning 25% of the budget not used. I'm glad that socialist SOB was replaced by Norbert. Maybe version 3.0 will be released now and get our son hooked back in.


Kane's Father: I'll call Bhaz in the morning and get him set up with some sort of mentor to help his development.


The next morning...


Kane's Father: Son, I'm sending you to Cincinnati to train with the best GD coaches, Slider and Nelsonba. They will be here to get you in this afternoon. Have you checked the latest GUESS recruiting rankings?


Younger Kane: Recruiting already ended?!?! How am I ever going to get rid of the AC signed players.?


Kane's Father: Rescind the scholarships of course.


Younger Kane: But you're only allowed three a season! This was a class of 22! He logs on to check the rankings.

Kane's Father: The WCAA ranked you number two!


Younger Kane: That ranking means jack-****. It's only based on the number of recruits you signed. Only the newb coaches, like JFootball88 and Rlslmshdy, don't know that. LOOK! I'm ranked #198! AAARGHHH. Damn you Assistant Coach!


Kane has a new sitemail from Chetty. It reads:


Dear Citizenkane,

I would like to, on behalf of myself, and the other A10 coaches, invite you to compete with us in our conference-the greatest in DIAA in Yost. Please take the time to reviews our history, we have many teams available, and with a great coach with your prestige, potential, 80% win rate, and history of quick turn arounds we know you will help to make us even more competitive.


Thanks, Chetty.



12/3/2013 8:56 PM
[Bhazelwood refused to come clean with the names of the coaches responsible for helping with the GUESS reports; Mr. FOX is furious]
Mr. FOX: [furious] I am left with no real witness. Mr. oriole's ratings are not only vague, but they are unsubstantiated. The substance I was looking for, Mr. hazelwood, was to come from you.
Bhazelwood: [remorseful] I’m sorry, but I’m only reporting the truth. The GUESS Reports are the true indicator of the ratings.  
Mr. FOX: I'm sorry too, Mr. hazelwood, because you know what I am going to do. In as much as I can't punish Mr. JConte, Mr. redhawk, or Mr. Norbert, and I won't punish Mr. oriole. He's the only party to this incident who is still worthy of calling himself a WIS man. I'm going to recommend to the disciplinary committee that you be expelled. Mr. hazelwood, you are a cover-up artist and you are a liar.
Ceasari: But not a booster snitch.
Mr. WIS: Excuse me?
Ceasari: No, I don't think I will.
Mr. WIS: Mr. Caesari...
Caesari: This is such a crock of ****.
Mr. WIS: Please watch your language, Mr. Ceasari or I may have to block your posts. You are in the WIS Central Cathedral, not a locker room. Mr. hazelwood, I will give you one last opportunity to speak up.
Caesari: Mr. hazelwood doesn't want it. He doesn't need to labeled, "Still worthy of being a WIS man". What the hell is that? What is your motto here? "Coaches, report booster gifts to the WCAA, save your hide. Anything short of that, we're gonna get your team investigated"? Well, gentlemen, when the **** hits the fan, some coaches run and some coaches pass. Here's bhazelwood facing the fire and there's oriole hiding in Big Daddy FOX's pocket. And what are you doing? You're gonna reward oriole and destroy bhazelwood.
Mr. WIS: Are you finished, Mr. Caesari?
caesari: No, I'm just gettin' warmed up. I don't know who went to this place, nelsonba, snake, plague, whoever. Their spirit is dead, if they ever had one. It's gone. You're building a broken engine here. A vehicle for coaches who want a roll of the dice to win a NC, and if you think you're preparing these newbies for the hall of fame, you better think again, because I say you are killing the very spirit this simulation proclaims it instills. What a sham. What kind of a game you guys are putting out here today? I mean, the only class in this act is sitting next to me, and I'm here to tell ya this boy's gameplan is intact. It's non-negotiable. You know how I know? Someone here, and I'm not gonna say who, offered to buy it. Only bhazelwood here wasn't selling.
Mr. WIS: Sir, you're out of order.
[Mr WIS hits the gavel; Caesari stands up angry]
caesari: Out of order. I'll show YOU "out of order"! You don't know what "out of order" is (but all the GD coaches do!!!), Mr. FOX. I'd show you, but I'm too old, I'm too tired, I'm too ******* confused about these depth charts. If I were the man I was five years ago, I'd take a... [slams his cane on the desk, screaming] FLAMETHROWER to this place! Out of order? Who the hell do ya think you're talking to? I've been around, ya know? There was a time I could coach. And I have coached. Coaches like these, newbies with a free season. Their practices plans unfinished, their formations hardly developed. But there is nothing like the sight of a deflated spirit. You think you're merely sending this splendid coach back home to Princeton with tail between his legs, but I say you are executing his SOUL! And why? Because he's not a WIS man. WIS men. You hurt bhazelwood, you're gonna be WIS bums, the lot of ya. And JConte, Redhawk, Norbert, wherever you are, **** you too!
[the student body and the committee are in shock as Mr. FOX's anger is further aggravated]
Mr. FOX: [yells; hits the gavel three times] Stand down, Mr. caesari!
Caesari: I'm not finished! As I came in here, I heard those words, "Build Your Own Dynasty". Well, when the building crumbles, the dynasty will fall. And it has fallen here. It has fallen. Builders of Dynasties, Creators of National Championships. Be careful what kind of champions you're producing here. I don't know if bhazelwood’s silence here today is right or wrong. I'm not a judge or jury, but I can tell you this: He won't sell anybody out to produce his GUESS Reports! And that, my friends, is called integrity. That's called courage. Now that's the stuff champions should be made of. Now I have come to the sidelines in my world. I always knew who the best player was. Without exception, I knew. But I never battled for them. You know why? It was too damn hard. Now here's bhazelwood. He's come to the sidelines. He has chosen a player. It's the right player. It's a player made of ratings that leads to skies the limit potential. Let him continue on his recruiting. You hold this recruit's future in your hands, committee. It's a valuable future. Believe me. Don't destroy it. Protect it. Embrace it. Make it worthwhile when matched-up in the simulation. It's gonna make you proud one day, I promise you.
12/3/2013 11:02 PM
The tree of online football simulation must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of GD coaches and their play books. It is its natural manure.

- Thomas Jefferson
12/3/2013 11:40 PM
Arfy:  oriole, oriole, where for art thou, oriole?


<more silence>

<still more silence>

Arfy:  AHEM.  oriole, oriole, where for art thou, oriole?

<continued silence>

<excruciatingly long silence>


joannes3000:  But soft!  What light through yonder window breaks.  It is the east, and Arfy is the sun.

Arfy.  OK, OK, hold on just a minute.  Whoever is writing this drivel has the lines WAY out of order.  But enough of breaking the fourth wall.... no, wait, that's not enough.  You're the one with the girl's name, fella, YOU should be playing Juliet in this farce.

joannes3000:  Like Arfy is such a manly name.  And this is a romantic tragedy, not a farce.  Try to keep your genres straight.

Arfy:  What.  Ever.  So, are you going to start playing GD again?

joannes3000:  Nope.  I'm not even really back in the forum.  Bob just dredged up my ghost so he could make that "girl's name" joke again.

Arfy:  So are we doing Romeo and Juliet, or A Christmas Carol?

joannes3000:  More like Hamlet.  We'd need three ghosts for A Christmas Carol.

plague:  Oooh, ooh, I want to be a ghost!

cravedog:  Me too!

Arfy: Forget it.  All three of you would have to play the ghost of GD past, and at this rate, there won't BE a ghost of GD future.
12/4/2013 12:02 AM
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