Number 10; Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9; Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 8; Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich .
Number 7; Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Number 6; Some people are like a Slinky-not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
Number 5; Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.
Number 4; All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 3; Why does a slight tax increase cost you $800.00, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?
Number 2; In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
And The Number 1 Thought; Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers--what you do today, might burn your *** tomorrow.
- - - and as someone recently said to me: "Don't worry about old age--it doesn't last long."
2/5/2012 8:44 AM (edited)