Kansas City Second Herald
ROCKHURST MAKES IT OFFICIAL- CAESARI HELMS THE HAWKS
Kansas City, MO- It is official. After much speculation, (relatively, considering this is a D2 school and who really cares about a D2 school, I mean seriously. They are the redheaded step child of D1, so I don't even want to get in to where you'd but D3, but D2 is, like, a level below D1) Caesari, former Alaska, Anchorage coach, will helm the Hawks for next season. In the public statement, Rockhurst said:
"We are pleased to announce the acquisition of Coach Caesari as the head basketball coach for our men's program. We have high expectations, and we believe Caesari is the man that can get it done."
In an interesting turn of events, former Head Coach Sim AI, fired in disgrace because he was a tard, attempted to crash the welcome ceremony by poisoning the coffee machine. Luckily, a replacement was furnished from the teacher's lounge and nothing came of it.