Greatest GD Thread in the History of WIS GD Topic

"Good evening. Tonight, I can report to the GD coaches and to the world that whatifsports has conducted an operation that killed GD 2.0, the leader of online football simulation, and a game that’s responsible for the success of intelligent coaches who believed receivers were receivers and running backs were rushers.

"It was nearly 10 months ago that an evil game engine know as GD 3.0 was introduced by the worst attack on the GD coaches in our history. The images of GD 3.0 are seared into our national memory -- running backs catching 30 balls a game; quarterbacks throwing one interception all season; inferior Sim AI coached teams easily taking down title contenders; the many missed tackles by Tackler, where the patience of heroic coaches saved developers Oriole and Redhawk.
11/27/2013 11:36 PM
"Give me GD 4.0 or give me death!"

-Patrick Henry at the Virginia Convention in 1775
11/27/2013 11:38 PM
"Life was like a box of Sim AI defeats." Forrest Gump (1994)

"Say 'hello' to my little engine!" Scarface (1983)

"You throwin'' to me?" Random RB as Taxi Driver (1976)

"Here's looking at you, Arfy." Casablanca (1942) Rick Blaine Humphrey Bogart

"Go ahead, mess up my game." Sudden Impact (1983)

 "I'll be back." - Norbet as The Terminator (1984)

"I'm gonna make them an engine they can't refuse." – The Godfather (1972)

"Frankly, Jfootball88, I don't give a damn." Slider in Gone With the Wind (1939)

"May the Engine be with you." Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (1977)

"We're not in 2.0 anymore." – The Wizard of Oz (1939)

11/27/2013 11:45 PM
GD 3.0 is the little Engine that could.
11/27/2013 11:46 PM

Caesari : I believe in GD. GD has made my fortune. And I created my Teams in the American fashion. I gave them freedom, but I taught them never to dishonor their coach. But they found a "Programmer," not a football fanatic. They went to the movies with him. They stayed out late. I didn't protest. Two months ago he took them for a drive, with another programmer friend. They made my teams drink whiskey and then they tried to take advantage of them. They resisted. They kept their honor. So the Programmers twisted their game. Like my team were simply numbers. When I went to my game plan their passing was broken. Their running game was shattered, held together by QB scrambles. They couldn't even weep because of the confusion. But I wept. Why did I weep? My team was the light of my life. A beautiful team. Now they will never be beautiful again. [He breaks down at this point, and the Pola gestures to his son to get him a drink]

Pola: Sorry...

[He regains his composure and carries on] Caesari: I went to WIS, like a good Coach. These two programmers were criticized in the forums. The community sentenced them to three years in beta, but WIS suspended the sentence. Suspended sentence! They went free that very day! I stood in the courtroom like a fool, and those two programmers, they smiled at me. Then I said to bhazelwood, "For justice, we must go to Pola."

Pola: Why did you go to WIS? Why didn't you come to me first?

Caesari: What do you want of me? Tell me anything. But do what I beg you to do.

Pola: What is that?

[Caesari gets up from his seat and whispers into Pola's ear; for a long moment Pola is silent]

Pola: That I cannot do.

Caesari: I will give you anything you ask!

Pola: We have known each other many years, but this is the first time you've come to me for counsel or for help. I can't remember the last time you invited me to your house for a cup of coffee. But let's be frank here. You never wanted my friendship. And you feared to play me in a non-con game.

Caesari: I didn't want to get into trouble.

Pola: I understand. You found paradise in GD. You had a good team, you had some good recruits. The community protected you and there were the GUESS ratings to rely on. So you didn't need a friend like me. Now you come and say "Pola, give me justice." But you don't ask with respect. You don't offer friendship. You don't even think to call me "THE Pola." You come into my house on the day my recruits are ready to sign and you ask me to write a ticket to WIS!

Ceasari: I ask you for justice.

Pola: That is not justice. Your team is still playable.

Ceasari: Let them suffer then as my team suffers.

[the Pola is silent]

Caesari: How many recruits must I scout for you?

[the Pola turns away dismissively, but Caesari stays on]

Pola: Caesari, Caesari, what have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? If you'd come to me in friendship, this scum who ruined GD would be suffering this very day. And if by some chance an honest man like yourself made enemies they would become my enemies. And then, they would fear you.

Caesari: Be my friend... POLA!

[the Pola at first shrugs, but upon hearing the title he lifts his NC title cup, and a humbled Caesari kisses it]

Pola: Good.

[He places his hand around Caesari in a paternal gesture]

Pola: Some day, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me. But until that day, consider this justice a gift.

[a gratified Caesari offers his thanks and leaves]

Pola: [to bhazelwood] Give this job to Slider. I want reliable people, people who aren't going to be carried away. I mean, we're not unreasonable, in spite of what this First level bowl coach thinks...


11/27/2013 11:56 PM (edited)
You wanna get Penn State? Here's how you get them. He pulls a Pro-Set, you pull a 4-3. He sends a WR downfield, you send 4 LB on a blitz! That's the Chicago way.- Jim Malone, "The Untouchables"
11/28/2013 12:09 AM
Posted by caesari on 11/27/2013 4:19:00 PM (view original):
Starfinder don't ruin this thread.
How is my opinion ruining it? At least it's honest and not some comparison between this game and great works of literature.
11/28/2013 12:20 AM
If you like your offense you can keep it.  If you like your defense you can keep it.  If you like your special teams you can keep.  Now all those that could not get a team before can now afford to have one. 
11/28/2013 3:51 AM
Posted by citizenkane on 11/27/2013 11:46:00 PM (view original):
GD 3.0 is the little Engine that could.
GD 3.0 the little Engien that shouldn't
11/28/2013 6:21 AM
Let me tell you something you already know.The engine ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty engine, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. JConte, Norbert, or Oriole is gonna hit as hard as the engine. But it ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!
11/28/2013 7:08 AM
Can you dig it?  I said, CAN YOU DIGGGGG IT?
11/28/2013 10:04 AM
Gridiron Dynasty: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Oriole. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new Plays, to seek out new complaints and new 3.0 Bugs, to boldly go where no Programmer has gone before.
11/28/2013 10:14 AM
"Norbert, I am your programmer."

-Oriole as Darth Vader at the annual WIS Film Improv Convention
11/28/2013 10:36 AM
I was watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade when I saw a familiar logo on a float. GD and WIS has a float? As I watched 4 men, presumably JConte, Norbert, Oriole, and Redhawk, try their best to move along with the gigantic float, I thought, "Wow, this is going better than the actual development of the engine." Just then the float popped, went crazy, and crashed the whole party in NYC. Then I knew. Just another promise going to hell. 
11/28/2013 10:43 AM

From ChairTrek 2 - The Wrath of Con(te)

{2chair sitting in Captain's special double wide chair on the bridge of
the starship. Bob Hazlewood is seated behind and to the right of
2chair and staring at a screen with swirling lines and blinking
lights. Behind and to the left of 2chair is Lt. Uhuru although she is
apparently wearing a wig and not as hot as you remembered her being.
In front of 2chair are citizenkane and harrisbw30; both are seated at
something which resembles a soundboard with lots of cool levers and
sound effects. citizenkane is surreptitiously watching The Birdcage.
We hear the voice of 2chair}

"Captain's Log Stardate 47receptions for 8 yards gained. I don't like
to lose. Yet this GD 3 game is obviously un-winnable! I ....keep .....
telling my QB.....{clenches fists}.... You've. Got. To. Throw. To.
The. Receiver!!! But he won't. I think I can finally score with Uhuru
if I can just win this game. I don't like to lose. Oh, and Arfy is no
help at all. He keeps complaining that something called 'The Warp
Drive doesn't work."

{2chair slaps a button on Captain's Doublewide Chair}

2chair: Arfy! I need - "

{woman's voice from speaker on chair} "if you want to talk to hot, sexy women -"

{2chair quickly presses several other buttons and says} Dammit
harrisbw30! I. Told. You. To. Take. That. Off. My. Speed. Dial."

harrisbw30 {with Russian accent}: "sorry kaptain. What about my wodka ration?"

2chair {ignoring harrisbw30 hits another button}: Arfy!

Arfy: Aye captain. We're working on the warp drive you skirt wearing
petal pusher.

2chair: Arfy! That's the worst Scottish accent I've ever heard.
{clenches fists} You've.Got. To. Go. To. Acting. Classes. {unclenches
fists}. And you're the one wearing a kilt. Have you cracked the code
for GD 3.0 yet?

Arfy: I can't change the laws of physics Captain! I'm giving ye all
I've got! We might make 80% power in an hour Captain!

{2chair disgustedly slams button to cut off Arfy} stuck in his bottle
of scotch again.

{bridge door opens and polabones enters. 2chair turns to see
What. Will. We. Do. About. This. Crappy. Gaming. System?

polabones: Dammit 2chair! I'm a doctor! Not a computer geek! And you
need to let Arfy work on the warp drive! We're stuck in space while
you obsess over passing to a wide receiver!

2chair: BBBBBOOOOOONNNNNNEEEEESSSSS!!!!! Can. You. Fix. My. Gameplan?

polabones: Dammit 2chair! I'm a doctor not the new version of Guess
Reports where you can click on the ad banners or make donations! We
have got to go somewhere!

2chair {to citizenkane who quickly looks up from watching Birdcage}
Lay in a course for - PasstoJerryRice7.

{all turn to stare at 2chair}

citizenkane: But Captain - no ship can go there - The Prime Directive
expressly forbids it - that way brings only madness."

polabones {to Bob Hazlewood} Dammit BHaz! Do something! You might call
yourself a Vulcan, and you might have green blood, but you're half
human!!! You've got to do something!!!

BHaz: your tantrum is most illogical doctor. But I have been studying
this game engine. It appears to be an ancient code from 21st century

2chair: Oh! Not. 21st Century. Earth!
BHaz: yes, they wrote computer code which was impenetrable even to Vulcan logic.

2chair: BBBBOOOOONNNNNEEEESSSS!! Can. We. Survive. A. Trip. To. PasstoJerryRice7?

polabones: Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not God! Nobody can survive a trip to that planet!

BHaz: There is only one solution. I will do a Vulcan mind meld with this game engine.

polabones: Dammit BHaz, that's crazy!! You can't meld with a computer sim! You can only meld with living things! You're half Vulcan! You should know better!

BHaz: to the contrary, doctor, the logic of this engine is most.... illogical. I believe the engine is a life form - not computer code. It would explain why an incomplete pass is sometimes an interception.

polabones: 2chair! Don't let BHaz do it! It's crazy!

2chair: Bones, you've got to learn when to take a calculated risk. {looks at Uhuru who pretends to be on the phone} - go ahead BHaz.

{BHaz spreads fingers of hand and places hand on memory stick} I have isolated the game onto this memory stick and will now try to meld with it.

{pause as BHaz closes eyes and focuses intently on mind melding}

BHaz: OOOOHHHHHHHH!! Pain! Much pain!! Manti T'eo.....humiliated by Alabama.....Vanderbilt could probably beat us now.....{BHaz suddenly screams and falls unconscious to the deck}


polabones: Dammit, 2chair, I'm a doctor! Not a - oh, right. Medical emergency. {rushes to Spock and points little box which makes weird sound at Spock}

polabones: Dammit, 2chair! He's infected by the GD3 virus! There's no cure!

{Arfy runs onto the bridge} 2chair! The warp drives are working again! BHaz removed a virus and {sees BHaz} - oh, he's dead already.

2chair: BBBBOOOONNNNEEEESSSS! Do! Something!

polabones: Dammit, 2chair, I'm a doctor, not Jesus Christ! There's no cure! But I can rouse him for a minute or two. {points box at BHaz and makes different weird sound}.

BHaz: {weak and in obvious pain} 2chair......won't be long now....the needs of Notre Dame football.....outweigh the needs of all else....I have been....and remain....your friend. Live long..... and prosper....

{2chair leans forward and whispers in BHaz's ear}: If you were my friend, you would help me with Uhuru.

BHaz {rolling his eyes} oh for crying out loud......haven't you realized.....yet......that actually caesari.....dressed as a Nubian Princess?

2chair: {clenches fists} I. Knew. She - He. Was. Not. A. Natural. Blonde.

BHaz: well.......duh...... {dies}

2chair: CCCCCCCCOOOOOOOONNNNNNNN!!!!!!!! te. {stands and looks at citizenkane} citizenkane, go comfort Uhuru/caesari.

{Uhuru/caesari and citizenkane rush weeping into each other's arms. Camera focuses on BHaz's corpse then pans slowly out while We Are Family plays}

11/28/2013 10:58 AM (edited)
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