Bonus scene:

(Smoke rises from the castle at dBKCorn. The Bearded One sits on his throne amidst a kingdom that has been ransacked. Gingerly, Rudy Gobert approaches)

"My lord. A raven arrived from World 2. Our forces survived against The Dream, but we have sustained heavy casualties in Worlds 1 and 3. If I may suggest, my lord, that we slow down our attack to get better opportunities...."

"Slow down? We should speed up! Don't you know anything about attacking kingdoms?"

"But, my lord, if we were to slow down, your most efficient knights, such as Knight Alonzo of Mourning, would have the opportunity to"

"Alonzo of Mourning? I am James Harden, King of Free Throws, Lord of the Stepback, The Most Feared Isolation Player In The Realm, Intimidator of Wesley Johnsons and the greatest offensive knight the realm has ever seen! How dare you try to tell me how to run my offense...."

"My sincere apologies, Master Harden. I am so sorry. But there is just one other thing, my Lord..."

"What is it, Rudy?"

"A hawk came with a message to deliver - I think his name was Kyle, he said he came from a very long distance to deliver this message - and he said to open the message at 1:51 PM on August 4th, 2020."

"1:51 PM? I will be warming up for the battle then. I'm sure it's no big deal, but I cannot worry myself with cryptic messages from hawks from long distance. If the hawk comes back, tell him I am averaging 35.1 points per battle in the playoffs. I should be just fine."

"Very good, my Lord."


(Early in the morning of August 4th, 2020, a meeting was held between some of the knights of dBKCorn)

RG: I am concerned about our Master Harden. He has become more isolated than ever. If he would simply get us involved in whatever he is going through, I am sure we can help him through it.

Jamario Moon: Oh, come off it Rudy! He's fine! He's the league MVP again!

Paul Pressey: Well, no, technically it's Kareem in this world.

JM: Really? How is that possible?

PP: He plays defense.

JM: DEFENSE? In 2020? HA! What a relic. Master Harden would NEVER play something as outdated as DEFENSE!

(Dave Cowens, Jerry West, Donyell Marshall and Kyle Anderson look at each other, then nod in agreement)

RG: I'm just saying, what if he isolates himself even further? We could get swept out of World I War, otherwise known as WIW.

DM: We'll be fine. He's gotten us this far. Why wouldn't he get us involved? He can't score 128.5 points all by himself, can he?

(The rest of them murmur to themselves and start counting on their fingers)

JP: ...carry the 1, divide by 0, log of 8x....

DM: NO, you imbeciles! He can't score 128.5 points, no one can! How do you even score 0.5 points?

(They nod in agreement)

JW: You know, back in my day, we didn't even have analytics. I'm pretty sure I could have scored 128.5 points in 1967, but we'll never know.

JM: Jerry....no.

RG: This again Jerry?

KA: Seriously?

JW: Well, at least I'm responsible about my health! I went to nine world finals! Can all of you say that?

(They look at Mourning, then at Marshall, and then stare at Gobert for about ten seconds)

JP: I think we might have some chemistry issues.

RG: Well, regardless, we're in the Finals. We ought to make the most of it. Hopefully Sir James doesn't use up all of the shots. Let's go get some rest and prepare for our opponent. Does anyone know who our opponent is?

PP: We don't really have the internet in this civilization.

JM: What's the internet?

KA: I dunno.
JP: Yeah, me neither.

RG: Oh well. We'll figure it out when we get there. Probably don't need to hang on to this letter any more.



(Gobert drops the letter on the ground. As the wind blows, the letter rolls through the abandoned city of Mons Venus, past the broken ankles of Tim Duncan and Dikembe Mutombo, where it lands backwards on a rock. The wind eventually nudges it over the stone, which used to have something in it. The note reads....)


SWORD IS COMING.

good stuff bds. Harden is becoming more isolated than ever... lol

Thanks for reading this guys. I'm going to finish the current playoffs episode in the next week, but I'm feeling inspired to do more Game of Zones episodes. I have a really good idea for season 2 episode 1 if anyone wants to collaborate.

I will be releasing the final episode for the SAVAGE season 1 doc later today, just have a few things to finish on it. A few scenes have already been released, but I will post each scene.

I also have the third Game of Zones episode to post later today.

Okay, just got home and will be releasing material shortly. I'll be going scene by scene. For scenes that have already been released, I will post that scene and the next scene. Probably going to post the next Game of Zones episode tomorrow morning.

Episode 13: Let’s Get SAVAGE Part 3

[0:00-0:15]
A series of clips from the regular season play. Larry Bird and Julius Erving are throwing fists. Shaquille O’Neal and Charles Barkley are charging each other at full speed, fists raised high. ashamael and benhoidal are screaming in each others faces, spit flying.
Narrator: "What if I told you, that the SAVAGERY was just getting started?”

[0:15-0:30]
Faces of the remaining owners flash briefly across our screen in reverse order of regular season finish ending with kinoa1 and pexetera, all with the silhouette of a golden crown faintly glowing over their heads.
Narrator: “What if I told you, that only one would be SAVAGE enough?”

[0:30-0:40]
The screen goes pitch black. A single spot light appears near the top of the screen. The camera focuses in and we see a large gold crown, ornate with jewels descending from the rafters of an arena. The crown lands on a pile of crumpled $1 bills at mid-court. There looks to be about 50 or so bills in total.
Narrator: "What if I told you, about the SAVAGE KING?”

[0:40-1:00]
Image fades into the 30-for-30 logo which is inside a large outline of a crown. Short opening credits sequence plays.

[1:00-5:30]
Scene opens to the TNT studio with Ernie, Chuck, Shaq, and Kenny. The camera zooms in on Ernie Johnson who is standing to the side and grinning ear to ear.

Ernie Johnson: “It is opening day of the NBA playoffs, and it’s another opportunity to quiz Shaq and Sir Charles on who ended up where in the return of everybody’s favorite grammatically incorrect show…” A skinny showman’s microphone flies up from the bottom of the screen and Ernie catches it in one smooth motion. He pulls his arm back and points it at the camera in a big swinging motion. “Whoooooooo He Play For! Let’s play the game! What do you say Kenny? Hey, what do you say Shaq? Hey hey hey, what do you say Chuckster?”

Shaquille O’Neal: “Kenny, I bet Chuck gets one right.”

Charles Barkley: “Thank you Shaq. Glad you have my back.”

Kenny Smith: “He said you were going to get one right. There’s five questions.”

Shaquille O’Neal: “Well last year he didn’t get any right. One is a big improvement.”

Charles Barkley: “That’s right!”

Ernie Johnson: “Here’s the deal. Last year, I felt really good about your chances Chuck. I thought three out of five was doable. It didn’t happen. In fact, you’ve never really got a winning score.”

Charles Barkley: “Ever?”

Ernie Johnson: “Ever.”

Shaquille O’Neal: “He ain’t ever had a winning score in the finals either. May the most handsomest win!”

Ernie Johnson: “You two are on the top two teams in the league. I just got off the phone with SAVAGE commissioner dh555 and we made a little bet. If either of you can get a single one of these right, the playoff scoring system will remain the same. You guys know the current system makes it almost impossible for anyone other than your two teams to win the SAVAGE crown. However, if you guys can’t get a single one right, then dh555 will put more of an emphasis on individual league championships to give more owners a chance.”

Shaquille O’Neal: “I don’t know if I like this Ernie. Corona spent a lot of time perfecting my team for the current rules.”

Charles Barkley: “Oh, come on Shaq. What’s life without a little fun? It don’t matter what the rules are, pixietera going to win the chip no matter what.”

Ernie Johnson: “So, are you ready for the five players for… what’s the name of this show Kenny?”

Kenny Smith: “Who he play for?”

Ernie Johnson: “Here we go! Number 1 is Ed Davis! Who he play for?”

Kenny Smith: “Oh, Charles you cannot possibly get this one wrong.”

Charles Barkley: “...”

Shaquille O’Neal: “That sounds like a robusk guy. I don’t know why.”

Charles Barkley: “No stupid, you’d have to be drugged up to take someone as bad as Ed Davis. Was it longtallbrad?”

Buzzer sounds

Ernie Johnson: “Ooh so close. Actually, Chuck, Ed Davis is on your team. The correct owner is pexetera.”

Charles looks dumbfounded as Kenny shakes his head beside him.

Shaquille O’Neal: “Honestly Chuck, how do you not know your own teammates?”

Charles Barkley: “As long as he passes me the ball, I don’t have to know his name.”

Ernie Johnson: Alright, number 2! Marvin Williams. Who he play for?”

Shaquille O’Neal: “...”

Kenny Smith: “Are you guys serious?”

Charles Barkley: “That’s the whitest name I ever heard. I’m going with amerk1180.”

Shaquille O’Neal: “Is he on Chuck’s team too?”

Buzzer sounds

Ernie Johnson: “Marvin Williams is on your team Shaq. The correct owner is kinoa1.”

Kenny Smith: “You guys are unbelievable.”

Charles Barkley: “Guess you don’t know your teammates either huh Shaq?”

Shaquille O’Neal: “Is that the guy who’s always getting me water?”

Ernie Johnson: “Number 3 is Domantas Sabonis! Who he play for?”

Charles Barkley: “That’s a made up name!”

Shaquille O’Neal: “I thought it was Arvydas?”

Kenny Smith: “Domantas is Arvydas’ son.”

Charles Barkley: “They’re cloning peoples’ kids now?”

Shaquille O’Neal: “I remember playing against Arvydas. They used to call me the Big Deporter because I kept sending all the foreign centers home. Pretty sure he’s on longtallbrad’s team.”

Charles Barkley: “I’ll go with longtallbrad too. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.”

Buzzer sounds

Ernie Johnson: “No, the correct owner was copernicus. longtallbrad did have Arvydas, but that’s not who we were guessing. Number 4 is an easy one. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Who he play for?”

Shaquille O’Neal: “The big fella. He must have gone first overall”

Charles Barkley: “No, I took Allen Iverson first.”

Shaquille O’Neal: “Pretty sure I remember someone rigged the lottery to get the first pick. Must have been that Sim Devil. I’m going with benhoidal.”

Charles Barkley: “longtallbrad?”

Buzzer sounds

Ernie Johnson: “No, the correct owner was dh555. Alright, last chance or the playoff points get switched to give other owners a chance. Number 5 is Kenny Smith! Who he play for?”

Kenny Smith: “Oh come on guys, we just talked about this last episode.”

Charles Barkley: “Kenny, you didn’t even know you were on a team for the entire regular season.”

Kenny Smith: “...”

Ernie Johnson: “Okay guys, who you got? You need this one to keep the playoff points the same. Who Kenny play for?”

Charles Barkley: “This one has to be longtallbrad. You’d have to be drugged up to put Kenny on your team.”

Shaquille O’Neal: “dBKC? He likes point guards with lots of turnovers.”

Buzzer sounds.

Kenny Smith: “C’mon man.”

Ernie Johnson: “The correct owner there was pharrop. I guess this is why we only play this game once a year.”

Kenny Smith: “Give them the same five guys next week and I guarantee you they won’t get them right. Heck do it ten minutes from now.”

Ernie Johnson: “Chuck, who does Ed Davis play for?”

Charles Barkley: “...”

Kenny Smith: “He doesn’t know!!!”

Charles Barkley: “That’s the guy on Shaq’s team right?”

Ernie Johnson: “No, Chuck. He’s on your team. Unbelievable. Well, there you go folks. Charles and Shaq get them all wrong and the playoff points will be changed to put more of an emphasis on individual World championships. This was ‘Who He Play For?’ Next time you see us will be after the finals.”

The studio zooms out as the camera fades.

[5:30-8:00]
Scene opens to a podcast booth full of sports memorabilia. David Jacoby is in a zip up sweater and has an inappropriately large smile on his face. Jalen Rose is in all black and is holding a baseball bat.

David Jacoby: “Have you ever had a beef so bad you wanted to throw hands after a basketball game?”

Jalen Rose: “First of all, I don’t condone violence. I don’t support negative energy. But sometimes, you out there, champagning and campaigning, and stuff gets a little hairy. That’s why I got to carry this bat. So yes, but I never did because…”

David Jacoby: “Whatever you are about to say, don’t get fired.”

Jalen Rose: “I ain’t about to pay those fines!”

David Jacoby: “There we go.”

Jalen Rose: “It makes me think about the five guys that if you were in a Whatifsports dark alley, you would want this guy on your side.”

Jacoby frowns. “Sure. You got a list?”

Jalen Rose: “Absolutely. You know what we do here. WE GOT TO GIVE THE PEOPLE… GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT! I’ll call it my Fab Five.”

Jacoby chuckles.

Jalen Rose: “No Particular order. longtallbrad! Aka Big mofo Brad. My guy is 6’5”. 260. Practicin’ all the martial arts. LTB will mess you up.”

David Jacoby: “I love this.”

Jalen Rose: “After this is when it gets hard. Like 90% of these dudes are 5’7” and under.”

David Jacoby: “Yup.”

Jalen Rose: “mptrey. He’s Canadian. He is working in warehouses. He is country strong.”

David Jacoby: “I like what you are doing here.”

Jalen Rose: “bds9992…”

David Jacoby: “You lost me. Have you seen that dude? Looks soft as hell and he is a musician.”

Jalen Rose: “I know, but hear me out. Do you know how persistent that guy can be? He once sitemailed robusk 13 times in a day trying to justify his terrible perimeter defense. He will post borderline manifestos that have no relationship to the truth whatsoever. That dude is absolutely relentless. We need some of that scrappiness on this team.”

David Jacoby: “Okay, okay. Not sure I’m with you there, but I guess that makes some sense.”

Jalen Rose: “ashamael. That dude is super into death metal.”

David Jacoby: “Actually, I think it’s prog metal…”

Jalen Rose: “Doesn’t matter, he has been in plenty of mosh pits and he knows that Mastadon sucks.”

David Jacoby: “Checks out.”

Jalen Rose: “And finally gerryred. That dude has red hair.”

David Jacoby: “What the…?”

Jalen Rose: “People with red hair require orders of magnitude more anesthesia than normal people. You can’t knock ‘em out.”

David Jacoby: “benhoidal was a college athlete.”

Jalen Rose: “He was a three point shooter. You don’t see me putting Kyle Korver on this team.”

David Jacoby: “What about robusk? Also a great athlete, an outdoorsman, and he went to the Army’s unarmed combat school. No love for him?”

Jalen Rose: “Nah. No offense to the ladies out there, but robusk is a bi***. And everyone else, they’re 5’5”.

David Jacoby: “Don’t get fired.”

[8:00-13:20]
Scene opens to a zoom chat between Zach Lowe, Rachel Nichols and Howard Beck. Zach is wearing a Croatia soccer jersey and fishing hat, and holding up a craft beer in a purple can. Howard Beck hasn’t shaved or combed his hair in weeks. He is wearing a grubby t-shirt and holding up a can of light beer in a beer cozy. Rachel Nichols seems to be the only one who realizes they are on camera and is holding up a glass of red wine.

A slow brass crescendo plays off screen and a pleasant woman’s voice says: “And now, the Lowe Post.”

Zach Lowe: “Welcome to… the Lowe Post. This is a very special edition of the Lowe Post podcast where it is July, and it is the night time, and once a year, when those things are true, two very special people and I get together and have drinks and talk about basketball. One of them is Howard Beck of Bleacher Report, and the other is current SAVAGE bubble resident Rachel Nichols of ESPN. We obviously can’t do this in person this year, but we can still drink and still hold our podcast. So, let’s start it off with the three most notorious words in all of podcasting, ‘What up Beck?’”

Howard Beck: “What’s going on Zach? I’m doing well, but I feel like I need to inaugurate this the right way, hang on.” He cracks open his beer and takes a swig. Rachel Nichols yells, “Yeaahh.”

Rachel Nichols: “I’m going classy with my glass of wine. I’m here just to make sure Zach is actually drinking and not chickening out.”

Howard Beck: “What about me?”

Rachel Nichols: “No one doubts you’ve been drinking since you woke up this morning.”

Zach Lowe: “Rachel, you are in the bubble.”

Rachel Nichols: “I am.”

Zach Lowe: “Howard and I are not in the bubble. A couple of questions: Does your room have a balcony? Do you have a restaurant item named after you at any establishment you want to alert us to? Can you speak to the quality of food at any local gentlemen’s establishments? Have any NBA players been knocking on your door way too late at night?”

Rachel Nichols: “No balcony. I do have a drink named after me and it may or may not be at a strip club sponsoring one of 24kpyrite’s teams.”

Howard Beck: “Have you got drunk with any of the players?”

Rachel Nichols: “No Howard, these are finely tuned professional athletes, you’re the only sloth here.”

Zach Lowe: “Let’s move on to the games. There are five game sevens tonight to close out round one. Before we got on this zoom call, I had you guys each rank them 1-5 for how excited you are for each of them. We’re going to get to that. But first, I want each of you to give your favorite and least favorite moment of the first round so far.”

Howard Beck: “Rachel, you want to go first? I’m going to go first. I’ll start with my least favorite moment by far, which happened just this morning in World 1, and that was benhoidal tanking game 6 against dBKC to give his guys more energy for game 7. Hate when guys do that. dB plays his guys full minutes expecting to get a good game, and ben just pulls out the rug. I did like that benhoidal’s 55 win team in World 4 with the two co-MVPs got upset in five by tarheel’s 38 win team though. That’s probably my favorite moment.”

Zach Lowe: “That was by far the most shocking playoff series so far.”

Rachel Nichols: “I love all the drama surrounding that benhoidal and dBKC series. My favorite moment has probably been the Lou Bega look-alike contest at halftime of that game 6.”

Zach Lowe: “I’ve heard Hakeem Olajuwon jerseys are already sold out for tonight’s game 7. Did you guys see Hakeem’s tik-tok video that went viral today? Let me pull it up for you.”

He pulls out a grainy video on his phone of Hakeem singing:

"My dream shake brings all the boys to the yard,
and my life, it's better than yours.
Damn right, it's better than yours.
I can teach you, but I’d have to charge."

Rachel Nichols: “Okay I change my answer, that’s my favorite moment. Least favorite? Probably in World 3 where kinoa1 swept mptrey. That ‘To Pimp a Butterfly’ team was my sleeper pick. Only team to get swept in all 20 playoff series.”

Zach Lowe: “Okay, let’s get to the five game 7s. In World 1, we have benhoidal vs. dBKC. In World 3, we have ashamael vs. tarheel1991. In World 4, we have dh555 vs. jpevans31 and robusk vs. goetz 93. In World 5, we have ashamael vs. 20ks. Alright, we each have our lists in order by how excited we are for each match-up. How do you guys want to do this? Top to bottom, or start with the least exciting?”

Rachel Nichols: “Let’s end with our top match-up.”

Zach Lowe: “Alright, so Howard, do you want to start with your least exciting match-up?”

Howard Beck: “My number 5 is the robusk vs. goetz93 game. The stakes are just too low. Neither owner has a shot at the SAVAGE crown and I don’t really think either team has a chance to win World 4. Winner plays kinoa1’s 59 win juggernaut. Whoever wins, they're going home next round.”

Rachel Nichols: “I had that match-up 4th on my list. I like robusk’s chances of winning a little better than you do. I know he hasn’t had the best showing, but I never bet against robusk in the SIM.”

Zach Lowe: “I also had that match-up 4th. So now I’m curious Rachel who you had 5th?”

Rachel Nichols: “I had the other World 4 game with dh555 and jpevans31.”

Zach Lowe: “Me too! Not a lot of love for World 4 in the first round. What about that game doesn’t excite you much?”

Rachel Nichols: “It’s not necessarily about that game, it’s more that I’m much more excited about the other three games. Both dh and jp have two other teams alive so this doesn’t feel like a must win. dh is still technically in the running for the crown, but it’s almost impossible at this point.”

Howard Beck: “That was number 4 for me, so we must have the same top 3?”

Zach Lowe: “I think we actually may all have the same top match-up, but I’m really curious about the order of 2 and 3.”

Rachel Nichols: “I have both of ash’s playoff series here at 2 and 3. I can’t believe it, but ash might be completely out of the playoffs if he loses both games tonight. I had his game against 20ks in World 5 at number 3 and his game against tarheel in World 3 at number 2.”

Zach Lowe: “Ooh me too. I’m really curious as to why you had them in that order.”

Rachel Nichols: “Well I really want to see that ash vs. ben matchup in World 3. If anyone can take down ben’s 64 win team, it has to be ash right?”

Howard Beck: “I never really thought about that. I had those two match-ups switched, but now I want to change it. How poetic would it be if it was ash who defeated ben’s best shot at a title or ben’s team that ended ash’s SAVAGE dreams?”

Zach Lowe: “I guess that means we all have the same number 1 match-up to watch. benhoidal vs. dBKC in World 1. This one has major implications for the top of the leader-board. benhoidal tanked game 6 to save his energy for this one and needs it badly to stay with mptrey in their quest for third place. dBKC is right behind those two and needs this game to keep all 4 of his playoff teams in the hunt. ben might need it even more so he doesn’t drop to just two teams. This will be a big blow to either owner's championship hopes. Who you guys got in this one?”

Howard Beck: “dB by 20. Karma to benhoidal for resting his guys.”

Rachel Nichols: “I got benhoidal. Home court advantage plus rested guys. I think Hakeem’s going to have a big game.”

Zach Lowe: “Rachel and Howard, I really love doing this with you guys. It’s great to have a beer with you and discuss basketball.”

Rachel Nichols: “Zach, you didn’t even take a sip.”

Zach Lowe: “Thank you guys for doing this, it’s good to see you both. Let’s hope for some good games tonight!”

The Zoom meeting fades out, but not before we just barely hear Howard Beck say: “Thanks Zach, can’t wait for the games and to run into you at the food co-op again some day soon.”

[13:20-18:50]
The Jump
Scene opens to a clip of mptrey giving an interview: “Oh baby, we’re going for that podium placement!” Scene fades into short opening sequence for ESPN’s ‘The Jump’.

Rachel Nichols appears in front of the camera in her “home” studio in the Orlando bubble.

Rachel Nichols: “Welcome to the Jump! I’m Rachel Nichols. I am quarantined in the SAVAGE bubble in Orlando and today I’m going to be breaking down the current state of the SAVAGE league after one round and previewing round two. Here are the current overall standings after round 1.”

The following image appears to her right:


Rachel Nichols: “kinoa1 has re-taken the overall points lead from pexetera, but the two of them are still in a dog fight for first place. Mptrey has overtaken benhoidal for third place by a point. This is the highest placement for mptrey on the leaderboards since that day one 5-0 showing he had. You could hear his excitement in that opening clip as he, benhoidal, and dBKC appear to be battling for the third spot on the podium. Today, I’ve prepared five ‘Mad Minutes’ for you, one minute for each of the five SAVAGE Worlds.”

An image of the Earth with a big number 1 appears over her right shoulder.

Rachel Nichols: “In World 1, there was some drama last night after benhoidal tanked the morning game 6 to rest his starters for a key game 7 matchup between himself and dBKC. Mambo #1 responded with big games from James Harden and Jerry West and were up 3 with just 2 minutes left. Julius Erving had fouled out earlier on the first play of the fourth quarter and Mambo fans were riled up. However, benhoidal was in his famous 3-point offense and no lead was safe. After an Alonzo Mourning carry with a minute left, Terry Porter hit a big three to take the lead for good and Hakeem Olajuwon made 5 of his 6 free throws down the stretch to seal the deal. Hakeem ended with 37 points. Heading into round 2, the key matchup is between this benhoidal team and mptrey’s section.80 which has the best record in the league. This could be a huge swing series as far as podium positioning goes. It’s hard to see how benhoidal’s team has much of a chance going up against the 86-87 Magic led top seed, but never discount benhoidal’s ability to tank his way to the top! kinoa1 plays tarheel1991 in the other eastern conference series where kinoa1 will try to stay atop the standings. On the other side of the bracket, we have four owners in the 6-12 range of the standings jockeying for position. dh555 looks to defend his 1 seed against 24kpyrite and stay in the top 6. 4 of 24k’s strip clubs have gone bottom up, but one is still in pole position. jcred5 vs. jpevans31 is a battle between two 48 win teams. All four teams in the West are between 47 and 48 wins and it’s anyone’s guess on who will make the finals.”

An image of the Earth with a big number 2 appears over her right shoulder.

Rachel Nichols: “The 2nd round for World 2 has been set for a while as it was the only world with no game 7 matchups in round 1. The key matchup here in round 2 has to be dBKC vs. mptrey. This is one of two 2nd round matchups between these two teams and the outcomes of these two series is going to tell us a lot about how these owners finish in the standings, this could very well determine who finishes 4th and who finishes 5th. dB’s Mambo #2 has the best record in the East and is led by the best seasons of both its star players, James Harden and Rudy Gobert. They’re going to be a tough out. The other Eastern conference battle is between benhoidal and goetz93. Both teams had the exact same record at 51-31, so it could come down to who tanks more strategically. Ben did get a bye due to being in an easier division, however. That bye might be the difference in this series. On the other side of the bracket, pexetera and his league best 59 win team will play jpevans31 and gerryred will play dskantor’s lone team. dskantor has been making waves in these playoffs as his 6 seeded Exodus2 upset kinoa1’s Raging Bulls in a shocking five game series. Smart money has to be on dBKC and pexetera battling it out for the championship in this world.”

An image of the Earth with a big number 3 appears over her right shoulder.

Rachel Nichols: “In World 3, we had one 1st round game 7. ashamael was playing tarheel1991 in a do or die matchup for him. Tarheel1991 took an early lead and led by 7 entering the fourth quarter. As word reached ashamael of a looming defeat in World 5, the Cream was his last hope. The Cream came through in a big way. Klay led all scorers with 29 points, setting up a Dream-Cream matchup with benhoidal. Guys, how many times are you going to make me read the word “Cream”? Let’s move on please. The key series in World 3 has to be between kinoa1 and pexetera. Pexetera has the 56 win 1 seed in the West and needs to defeat kinoa1 here to secure back the points lead. An upset win by kinoa1 here could put him in the lead for good. The winner of that series will play the winner of copernicus and 24kpyrite. copernicus’s 55 win Cthonic Crucible have been waiting for their moment on stage since they first received their first round bye. With a chip on his shoulder, Copernicus has something to prove with his only playoff squad. Bring your earplugs, because the Taiwanese black metallers Cthonic will be playing the halftime show. They plan to release bats in the arena in honor of their successful tour with Ozzfest, which hasn't been in Orlando since 1998. The CDC aren't too happy about the bats, but since they're not being served for dinner, it should be alright. On the other side of the bracket, the matchup I’m most excited for is ash vs. ben. benhoidal’s 64 win Dr. Dream team had the best regular season record in any world, but if there's anyone who can take him down it’s his rival ashamael. The last matchup is between dh55 and jhsukow. dh555 needs help from other owners if he’s going to rise in the standings, but luckily for him the three owners above him all play each other multiple times. If he can hold home court advantage in series like this one, he stands to climb.”

An image of the Earth with a big number 4 appears over her right shoulder.

Rachel Nichols: “There were two big game 7s in the first round of World 4. robusk has been quietly rising in the standings and rode a big 36-14 4th quarter to defeat goetz93 131-103. Kawhi scored 35 points for the Michael Brown All-Stars while no one on KIDD & PLAY IV scored in the twenties. dh555 defeated jpevans31 116-107 in the other game 7 battle with Kareem leading the way with 24 and 18. No one else scored 20. After a tough 1st quarter for dh555, Captain Savage dominated the rest of the way. The key matchup for round 2 has to be dBKC vs. mptrey in the second round 2 battle between the two contenders. dBKC should have the edge as the rested 1 seed, but don’t count out untitled unmastered. pexetera and dh555 will battle in the other Western Conference matchup. In the East, kinoa1 takes on robusk and longtallbrad will play tarheel1991. kinoa1 had the best team in World 4 all year and has to be the favorite. longtallbrad’s lone team will try to keep him out of the bottom three in the standings. tarheel1991 could make up some much needed ground on dh555 with a win and a loss from the Captain. Both owners are competing for a top 6 finish. robusk will have his work cut out for him against The Departed, but looks to build on the momentum from a big game 7 win.

An image of the Earth with a big number 5 appears over her right shoulder.

Rachel Nichols: “In World 5, 20ks defeated ashamael 131-117 in the lone 1st round game 7. Kevin Garnett led the way with 32 and Penny Hardaway chipped in 28. Oscar Robertson led the way for the Madness with 24. None of the round 2 matchups feature two title contenders, however that doesn’t mean there won’t be some great series. In the West, 20ks and tarheel1991 will hope to upset the twin giants of pexetera and kinoa1. pexetera won 61 regular season games and kinoa1 had 60. Wins by those two juggaurnats could set up the best conference finals matchup in all 5 worlds with major SAVAGE King implications. In the East, mptrey plays pharrop. pharrop’s lone team hopes to upset the 55 win 1 seed, DAMN. to keep pharrop’s dreams alive. And the last matchup is the one I’m most looking forward to. dBKC and Mambo #5 will play robusk and the Eric Garner All-Stars. Just this morning, dB was quoted as saying ‘As long as Mambo #5 wins the championship, I’m happy. This whole thing was an elaborate ruse to get Mambo #5 the props it deserves.’ Immediately afterwards, the legendary Lou Bega stepped up to the podium and delivered a new remix for Mambo #5. Lou gives dB and James Harden credit for reawakening his musical passion. Here’s the clip of what is my new favorite song”

We cut to Lou Bega singing the following to the press:

“Jump up and down and move it all around
Flop your head to the sound
Dribble the ball on the ground
Take one step left and one step right
One to the front and one to the side
Complain to refs once and complain to refs twice
And if he calls a foul then you doing it right

A little bit of traveling in my life...
Fake a little contact when I drive
A few more points is all I need...
give the ball to Harden to shoot more threes....
A little bit of Pex is all I feared
A little bit of glitter in my beard”

We cut back to Rachel Nichols who is dancing along in her hotel room studio.

Rachel Nichols: “Alright, those are our 5 Mad Minutes. Coming up after the break Paul Pierce doubles down on LeBron being outside his top 10, Tracy McGrady will try to stay awake, and Scottie Pippen flip-flops his opinion on the GOAT after being bullied by MJ.”

[18:50-24:35]
Scene opens to a zoom chat between Bill Simmons, Joe House, and robusk. Bill is wearing a grey hoodie with a ‘Varsity Blues’ t-shirt under it. He has an extremely patchy beard that looks like it has taken him two years to grow. House is wearing a wife beater with holes in it and barbeque stains. robusk seems to be the only one who knows they are on camera and is looking at the other two with a distasteful look.

Bill Simmons: “Today’s episode, the first ‘Are We Sure He’s Good?’ podcast, on the RINGER PODCAST NETWORK is presented by Roman, a long time supporting sponsor of the Bill Simmons podcast. If you are suffering from baldness, erectile dysfunction, inappropriate longing for 80s childhood actors, narcissism, looking like a ghost on TV or an inability to grow a beard, SUFFER NO MORE! Roman will provide you black market pharmaceuticals produced by underpaid employees with no health benefits in discreet packaging you can hide from your loved ones. AND NOW, my listeners can get 20% off your first purchase by entering BS in the box at the top. Roman: a digital health scam for men, by men. Also, check out our brand new podcasts on the RINGER PODCAST NETWORK, all hosted by our white employees who have personal connections to me. Ryen Russillo talks about his adventures in Wyoming in ‘Naked Camping’, Nephew Kyle opens up about how to make it in the entertainment world in ‘A Guide to Nepotism’, and our very own Joe House gets another podcast titled, “Drunk Ramblings’. You can check out all of our Ringer podcasts on Spotify or Apple or wherever you get your podcasts by typing Ringer in the search box at the top. Don’t forget to subscribe. Coming up, our very first ‘Are We Sure He Is Good?’ podcast with MY FRIEND Joe House and a reappearance of simleague basketball owner robusk. I am Bill Simmons and this is the Book of Basketball. And now, an exploitive song where you can hear my son rap over some song he found on iTunes, Melatonin.”

“It’s the book of basketball yall, it’s the book of basketball” *REFEREE WHISTLE*

Bill Simmons: “All right, we have the very first ‘Are We Sure He is Good?’ podcast with Joe House and robusk. This is our second podcast together. We did a REDRAFTABLES Episode covering the SAVAGE draft, and it was our highest rated and most viewed episode of all time.”

Joe House: “You definitely won that draft Podfather!”

robusk: “Didn’t you take Bill Russell first overall?”

Bill Simmons: “Yeah, I think Havlicek falling to me at 7 really put my draft over the top. You came close though House. Really liked a couple of your picks.”

robusk: “House took a guy who was blacklisted 8th and thought I should have taken Wes Unseld 12th.”

Bill Simmons: “All I know is I watch basketball and I understand the secret. Isiah Thomas told it to me at a topless pool in Vegas. Okay, this is how this works. I say someone’s name and then I ask you, ‘Are we sure he is good?’ and then you answer if he is good or not.”

Joe House: “Could you explain that one more time?”

Bill Simmons: “No. So the first guy here is Hassan Whiteside. He’s on the best team in the entire SAVAGE league. benhoidal won 64 games in World 3. Hakeem Olajuwon and the Fish That Saved Pittsburgh going 24th and 25th is a travesty, and they carry this team to first place. Anyways, benhoidal is playing ash in the second round with a chance to completely eviscerate his rival. It’s a do or die nut cruncher of a game 3”

Joe House: “OOH BABY!”

Bill Simmons: “It was really a must win for benhoidal. Hakeem hits what should have been a game winner in overtime with 16 seconds left to put them up by 1. Oscar dribbles down and puts up a prayer at the buzzer, doesn’t even come close. And what does Whiteside do? He fouls him!”

Joe House: “Unbelievable! Basketball perversion!”

Bill Simmons: “Reminded me of Manu doing the same thing against Dirk. So I have to ask. House, robusk, ARE WE SURE HE’S GOOD?”

Joe House: “No! In fact, I am sure he isn’t good! Look, I watched Hassan Whiteside this year. He fouls everyone! Jumps at everything! His coaches sit him in the fourth quarter of games. Why would benhoidal have him in the game there knowing a foul could put the other team at the line?”

robusk: “You guys realize that’s one of the best per minute seasons in the SIM right? 60+ efg% on 20+ usage. Insane rebounding. And he has 100 D. Did you really just say he shouldn’t have been in the game on the final defensive possession?”

Bill Simmons: “robusk, per minute guys have no business in the SAVAGE league.”

robusk: “Well, I guess you got me there. Good burn actually, if you understood why, but you don’t.”

Joe House: “Yeah it’s all about the advanced stats: points per game, rebounds per game, killer instinct.”

robusk: “You know those aren’t adv…”

Bill Simmons: “Exactly! Okay, well since we are all in agreement that Whiteside is not good, let’s move on! The next guy is Karl Malone. Drafted 3rd overall and didn’t even make the playoffs in a single world. I talked to bds992 before the season started and he said he had 5 playoff teams and a couple of contenders. You have a team with that kinda potential and you don’t pull through, you have to start wondering about the best player, right? I mean, I watch basketball. All these millennials nowadays are just looking up basketball reference stats and trying to tell me that Karl frickin Malone should have been a top 3 pick in an all-time draft? Just watch basketball and you’d know he just doesn’t have the killer mentality of someone like Kobe.”

Joe House: “That’s a real advanced stat!”

robusk: “You guys know this is a computer simulation, right? A lot of these stats the engine uses are exactly the same as the ones on basketball reference.”

Bill Simmons: “Alright guys, ARE WE SURE HE’S GOOD?”

Joe House: “Karl FRIGGIN Malone! I’m sure he’s NOT good! Always going to choke in the clutch. Should have taken Magic or Wilt Chamberlain.”

robusk: “Wilt wasn’t even eligible to be drafted, and Magic isn’t anywhere near…”

Bill Simmons: “Magic would have been a great pick! I did TV with him!”

robusk: “Look, Karl Malone was a good pick. Shaq would have been better, but Karl Malone is really good.”

Bill Simmons: “Shaq was like me in college. Could have gotten that 4.0, but had fun and got a 3.3 instead.”

robusk: “What?”

Joe House: “We had fun in college! All those frat parties! We would go to Rascal’s then go hit the all you can eat diner at 4 in the morning with Hench, JBug, Skeetz, Jerko, Sully, Sambone, and Skuzzo. Remember when you slipped drugs in…”

Bill Simmons: “Exactly. Karl Malone is not good. Glad we all agree.”

robusk: “We did NOT all agree. And wait, was House just about to say that you…”

Bill Simmons: “One more before we got to go! Kyrie Irving! He was drafted by kinoa1 in the 4th round. He must not have watched the Celtics the last two years. Ruined a perfect draft too. Shaq, then Clyde Frazier, and then Bobby Jones. Everyone forgets about Bobby Jones, but I watched him play. That guy was good.”

robusk: “Weren’t you like ten when he was in his prime?”

Bill Simmons: “Anyways, Shaq leads kinoa1 to the regular season points lead and then Kyrie starts his locker room dysfunction thing and everything starts to fall apart.”

robusk: “Falling apart? He still has four teams left which is as much as anyone, and he probably will have three or even possibly four advance past this round. He’s got as good a chance as anyone to win this thing.”

Joe House: “I gotta side with the Podfather here.”

Bill Simmons: “robusk, I’m honestly a bit surprised. You do know you’re beating kinoa1’s team in World 4 right? If one of YOUR teams can beat him, there’s got to be something going on off the court.”

robusk: “I’m actually quietly rising in the standings.”

Joe House: “Your teams suck, nerd.”

Bill Simmons: “So guys, ARE WE SURE HE’S GOOD?”

Joe House: “Kyrie is taking kinoa1’s teams down from within, just like he did with those Celtics teams. Probably robbed them of two championships.”

robusk: “Oh come on. Not even you Simmons could believe th…”

Bill Simmons: “Exactly! Can’t win without LeBron, terrible chemistry guy. I’m sorta a body language expert and I can tell you that the other guys do not like playing with Kyrie.”

robusk: “Kyrie has actually been pretty good in all five leagues.”

Bill Simmons: “So we all agree, Kyrie is NOT good.”

Joe House: “We all agree.”

Bill Simmons: “Alright, well that was the first ‘Are We Sure He’s Good?’ podcast for the Book of Basketball 2.0 pod. I liked it. All three of us came to the conclusion that Hassan Whiteside, Karl Malone, and Kyrie Irving are in fact, NOT good. Thanks for listening, don’t forget to check out all the Ringer podcasts on the RINGER PODCAST NETWORK.”

[24:35-29:35]
Upon a dark background, white block letters say ‘PREVIOUSLY ON GAME OF ZONES’. The Os are filled in as though they are basketballs.

Scene opens to an army of men dressed in medieval apparel, decorated with the sigil of a mustang on their shields. The horse, not the car. Their colors are light blue and purple with a cream accent. The army is besieging a castle bedecked with maroon flags ordained with a gold devil. It is winter, and snow is falling in heavy sheets. The army breeches the main gates and storms over the moat and into the castle. They enter the main courtyard which has been taken over by a large basketball court. There are no enemy troops to be seen. The warrior on the lead horse dismounts and removes his helm. It is Lord Ashamael the Forsaken. To his left, a giant man upon a giant horse rides up to Lord Ashamael and removes his own helm and we can see that it is Sir Randy of Savage.

Sir Randy of Savage: “My lord, where are benhoidal’s men? Was this not to be the location of game 6?”

Lord Ashamael the Forsaken shakes his head and as he looks up to Sir Randy of Savage we can see despair in his eyes: “I should have known. The Devil is up to his old tricks. He’s resting his players for game 7.”

As he says this, we hear a roar as maroon and gold soldiers led by Hakeem Olajuwon leap over the inner walls.

We cut to a throne room scene in the heart of world 3. We see King Kinoa1 wearing an armored doublet and a gold crown. Underneath the doublet he is wearing a suit and tie and on his face he has on thick black Scorsese-style glasses. At his feet we see pexetera’s lifeless form. King Kinoa1 turns to his page.

King Kinoa1: “If people ask you what happened here, tell them the King of Comedy still rules the Western lands of World 3. Also, tell them to stop pronouncing my name quinoa.”

We cut to Artis Gilmore, fully decked in armor with a large longsword, banging on a door. “Quick Kawhi, we are being attacked.”

Kawhi Leonard opens the door: “Is this some sort of scheduling mistake? Lord robusk promised me a load management day.”

The scene fades and we are in the Great Fighting Pit of Daznak in the heart of Meereen. We see the bodies of ashamael, 20ks, 24kpyrite, tarheel1991, jpevans31, and longtallbrad strewn on the ground. Standing over them we see the remaining fighters: gerryred, copernicus, jcred5, robusk, dh555, mptrey, dBKC, benhoidal, kinoa1, and pexetera. longtallbrad stands up and we realize he was just sleeping.

The screen darkens to black and we see a disclaimer in white letters appear: ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS CARTOON, EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE, ARE FICTIONAL AND ALL VOICES ARE OBVIOUSLY IMPERSONATED. The letters disappear and new letters take its place: GAME OF ZONES. The Os are basketballs. These letters too disappear and a cartoon knight is seen dribbling a basketball between his legs next to new letters: EPISODE 3: CONFERENCE FINALS.

We enter the throne room in Meereen where Shaquille O’Neal is perched upon the throne wearing a sleek blue dress that is far too small. His bleached blond hair streams behind him and down his back. Next to him stands Walt Frazier and Bobby Jones. Jones is dressed in the traditional battle ware of the Unsullied. Frazier has added an exotic fur trim to his armor and his helm has a wider brim than normal. From behind the throne, Kyrie Irving steps forth wearing a traditional robe of the people of Meereen.

Kyrie Irving: “You stand before Shaquille Largeborn of House Kinoa1, 1st of his name, Breaker of Backboards, King of Nicknames and Destroyer of Jokes, Shaq Daddy to all.”

In front of them stand three men wrapped in monkey pelts. The man in the middle is tall and handsome, but where his eyes should have been are two empty gaping pits. On the back of his pelt is the name ROBINSON. To his left, stands a medium sized man with a goatee and no ears. His pelt says MARION. On the right, is a short man with sandy blonde hair. On his throat is a tattoo of a monkey, his guild’s symbol of a mute. His pelt says PRICE.

The man in the middle steps forward. Walt Frazier and Bobby Jones quickly thrust their spears out, blocking the man’s path to the throne. The man parts his hands and the spears are cast aside despite him never touching them. “Your Grace, you have summoned us here with the promise to restore our order if we can carry out a task for you. What would you have us do, oh Biggest of Shamrocks.”

Shaquille O’Neal: “Mbmmbllmbrlwrmblvrm.”

Kyrie Irving: “You are as wise as you are large, your Grace. The Big Aristotle would send you to King’s Landing in World 2, that’s one of the flat ones. You must assassinate the one they call Chuck. No one must know who it was that sent you.”

The goateed man to the left steps forth. He seems to understand, though he has no ears to hear. “Your Grace, Big Cactus, we will depart at once. We will return when the moon shows red. The house of Gerry shall rule once more.”

Shaquille O’Neal: “Mbmmbllprvtllbrm.”

Kyrie Irving: “The Big Banana is as kind as he is humble. You shall have his fastest ship. Just make sure it doesn’t fall off the edge.”

The short man with the tattoo steps forward. He eyes the throne for a few seconds, then nods his head. All three of the men disappear into thin air and our screen goes black.

We cut to Charles Barkley, dressed in a flowing red dress, long golden hair cascading down his back. He is sipping wine from a goblet and standing on a balcony of the highest tower of the Red Keep. Behind him, Andrei Kirilenko walks up and hands him a scroll. A slow grin starts to spread across Barkley’s face as he reads the scroll. He walks inside the tower and burns the paper in the fire.

Charles Barkley: “So, my old friend Shaq is sending assassins from the No Evil guild. Just as we predicted. House Kinoa1 may have a slight lead in the standings, but Shaq doesn’t have Dwyane Wade or Kobe Bryant to carry him up and down the court this time. He is getting desperate.”

Andrei Kirilenko: “Your Grace, what would you like us to do about the assassins?”

Charles Barkley: “I received a raven the other day. The letter was unsigned. It told me things about myself that no one could possibly know. It said I was the worst three point shooter in NBA history and that I kissed Dick Bevetta on the lips. It told me the secret to defeating House Gerryred and the No Evil Guild. Get out the brooms.”

We cut to Hakeem Olajuwon and Julius Erving, drabbed in black Night’s Watch cloaks. They are walking North of the Wall and discussing the SAVAGE crown. Snow is falling in sheets around them.

Hakeem Olajuwon: “They say it is between pex or kinoa, but we just need two more championships than them. World 3 is ours. We have to upset kinoa in World 1 and then just take care of business here in World 2. Then the crown will be ours for House benhoidal.”

Julius Erving: “Don’t sleep on dBKC. He’s on a tear. What is it that they say in Winterfell? ‘The Beard is Coming?’”

Hakeem Olajuwon: “I am not scared of facial hair. I am the only Houstonian legend. Wait, where are our horses? They’ve vanished like James Harden in a meaningful playoff game.”

Julius Erving: “Wh-wh-what’s that?”

Upon a hill in the distance a shadowy outline of a figure can be seen. The only distinguishable feature is its eyes. They are bright blue and can be seen clearly even at a distance.

Hakeem Olajuwon: “Is that… is that Alonzo Mourning? Zo, did you want me to teach you those post moves again?”

Hakeem looks over at Erving but the Doctor is staring over the Dream’s shoulder, frozen in terror. Hakeem turns around and we see an icy Rudy Gobert standing over them with piercing blue eyes and icicles frozen to his beard. His hand is holding a great long broom and with one sweep, Erving is lying on the ground in two. Hakeem stumbles away in terror. He keeps turning his head back as he runs and he scrambles right into something large and unmoving. As he backs up to look at whatever it is that he hit, the camera follows his gaze. We slowly see the form of an undead bear wearing a Rocket’s jersey, meat rotting off its corpse. It’s Clutch, the mascot. A hooded rider dismounts and as he takes off his hood, we see the piercing icy blue eyes of James Harden. The camera flips to Hakeem Olajuwon’s trembling lip and then back to Harden. As we zoom in on his icy beard, three ice snakes slither out. They inch towards the camera and as they lash out, our image goes black.

We hear the roaring sound of a crowd cheering and we fade into the Great Fighting Pit of Daznak in the heart of Meereen. We see the bodies of jcred5, gerryred, copernicus, robusk, and mptrey strewn on the ground. Standing over them we see the remaining fighters: longtallbrad, dh555, benhoidal, dBKC, pexetera, and kinoa1.

We fade to black as white block letters take over the screen: GAME OF ZONES.

[29:35-32:00]
Quick opening montage plays ending with the logo for Always Late with Katie Nolan. Scene opens on Katie Nolan sitting in an individual booth with a screen behind her showing the show’s logo. A live audience is in attendance.

Katie Nolan: “Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to Always Late. I’m Katie Nolan and we are coming to you from inside the Orlando SAVAGE bubble. Guys, we have a great show for you tonight, so let’s get right into it. We have 6 owners who still have teams alive and we are going to do a quick dive into each one, but first here are the current league point standings along with how many teams each owner has remaining entering the finals of each world.”

The following chart appears in an image box above her right shoulder:

Owner	Points	Teams
kinoa1	355	3
pexetera	342	1
dBKC	322	3
benhoidal	317	1
mptrey	294	0
dh555	289	1
tarheel1991	256	0
jpevans31	237	0
jcred5	233	0
robusk	233	0
24kpyrite	224	0
copernicus	223	0
goetz93	217	0
ysw128	217	0
ashamael	215	0
20ks	214	0
gerryred	208	0
pharrop	206	0
jhsukow	194	0
dskantor	191	0
longtallbrad	183	1
samuelyork93	179	0
bds9992	160	0
amerk1180	125	0

The chart is replaced by a picture of longtallbrad sleeping during the draft.

Katie Nolan: “longtallbrad may have only had one team make the playoffs, but he’s making that team count. His ‘Civilized and Savage’ team in World 4 has advanced to the finals against dBKC and Mambo #4. Led by Dwyane Wade who averaged over 30 points per game in their four wins, longtallbrad dismantled robusk’s last team in a crisp gentleman’s sweep. Winning a championship will move him all the way up to 17th place. Anything short of that, and he’ll end up 21st. His team is on a roll, having won 8 of their 9 playoff games. Has longtallbrad finally woken up?”

The image is replaced by an image of DH wearing a Lakers #52 jersey and a pair of rec-spec gym goggles.

Katie Nolan: “dh555 survived a tough 7 game back and forth series against jcred5 in World 1. Led by a 34 and 26 performance by Kareem in the final game, dh555 will face kinoa1 for the title. Currently in 6th place, he needs three wins for a top 5 finish. Can the league commissioner end the very first SAVAGE league with a chip?”

The image is replaced by a gif of a cartoon devil dancing across the image box.

Katie Nolan: “benhoidal has to be disappointed with his conference finals showing. A long shot to win the SAVAGE crown before the round started, those hopes are now just a dream unrealized. After being swept by Mambo #1 in World 1, and after an unsuccessful 3-1 comeback attempt, benhoidal’s SAVAGE dreams rest solely in World 3. Hakeem Olajuwon missing three game winning shots in the final seconds of his game 7 matchup vs. kinoa1 has to be the real blow. It will take almost a miracle to put him on the podium now. A World 3 championship seems likely, but pexetera can’t win more than one game in the World 2 finals. Is the dream still alive for benhoidal?”

The image is replaced by a motherf*cking birthday cake.

Katie Nolan: “dBKC is the highest riser by far from the last round. He has gone from 5th place after round 1, to one of the three owners with a chance at the overall SAVAGE KING title. A win in World 2 would cement at least a 2nd place finish, but in order to make up the 33 points to catch kinoa1 he will have to win two more championships than the current leader. Is it still dBKC’s motherf*cking birthday?”

The image is replaced by an image from the regular season of Pexetera ordering victory balloons and planning a parade

Katie Nolan: “pexetera may have been the odds on favorite to win the SAVAGE league since the all-star break, but things are looking bleak now. Three conference finals teams are down to one after losses to dBKC in World 4 and kinoa1 in World 5. pexetera’s SAVAGE hopes are all in World 2 now where he gets a rematch against dBKC. He only needs 2 wins to guarantee a podium spot, but finishing third would have to be a disappointment. He still technically has a chance to win the whole thing, but would need dh555, benhoidal, and longtallbrad to all win in their worlds, dBKC to beat kinoa1 in world 5, and he would need to beat dBKC in World 2. Can pexetera pull off the impossible and regain that top spot or will he fall off the podium entirely?”

The image is replaced by an image of a poster for a new Scorsese flick, “The Hitman”. At the bottom, the tagline reads, “He came out of retirement for one job, and then it was time to be on his way.”

Katie Nolan: “kinoa1 was many owners’ pre-season pick to win it all and with just a few days left, it seems likely that he will deliver. After squeaking by benhoidal in an overtime win in World 1, kinoa1 has three teams in the finals and controls his own destiny. Winning two out of the three championships will secure the SAVAGE Crown. kinoa1 has announced his intentions not to return for the second season. Can kinoa1 retire on top?

“Don’t Forget you guys, the finals in Worlds 2 and 4 start this afternoon with the other three Worlds starting tomorrow afternoon. That’s it for our show! You are a fantastic studio audience. I’m Katie Nolan, for ‘Always Late.’”

It would have been fun to read what you came up with in regards to the Lowe Post. Pretty cool of you to transcribe their actual conversation though.

[32:00-36:00]
Scene opens to Bill Simmons in his office at The Ringer. He is wearing a grey hoodie over a ‘Fever Pitch’ t-shirt. We zoom in on him and he leans into his podcast microphone.
Bill Simmons: “Today’s episode of the Book of Basketball 2.0 on the RINGER PODCAST NETWORK is presented by Roman, a long time supporting sponsor of the Bill Simmons podcast. If you are suffering from baldness, erectile dysfunction, inappropriate longing for 80s childhood actors, narcissism, looking like a ghost on TV or an inability to grow a beard, SUFFER NO MORE! Roman will provide you black market pharmaceuticals produced by underpaid employees with no health benefits in discreet packaging you can hide from your loved ones. AND NOW, my listeners can get 20% off your first purchase by entering BS in the box at the top. Roman: a digital health scam for men, by men. Also, check out our brand new podcasts on the RINGER PODCAST NETWORK, all hosted by our white employees who have personal connections to me. Ryen Russillo talks about his legal adventures in ‘Criminal Entry’, Nephew Kyle talks about the dangers of unionizing in ‘State of the Union’, and our very own Joe House gets another podcast titled, “Bill and Joe’s Frathouse Adventures . You can check out all of our Ringer podcasts on Spotify or Apple or wherever you get your podcasts by typing Ringer in the search box at the top. Don’t forget to subscribe. Coming up, a Savage Finals preview with Cousin Sal. And now, an exploitive song where you can hear my son rap over some song he found on iTunes, Melatonin.

“It’s the book of basketball yall, it’s the book of basketball” *REFEREE WHISTLE*

Bill Simmons: “All right, taping this late Sunday night. What a day. Hey Google, call Cousin Sal!”

Cousin Sal: “Hello, is this Google?”

Bill Simmons: *hehehehe* “The Cuz! I wanna start here. How is James Harden going to play in 3 finals?”

Cousin Sal: “How is he going to play in a single finals? He is James Harden, he is known for a beard, playoff chokes and going to the strip club. What world are we in?”

Bill Simmons: “You emailed me some predictions last week. How many of them predicted a Harden led Mambo team SWEEPING pexetera’s Gold team? I’ll give you a hint. ZERO!”

Cousin Sal: “I’ll tell you what, if you are looking through your daily fantasy teams and you have to pick one player to go with, it’s James Harden.”

Bill Simmons: “So right now, the finals pictures are World 1: kinoa1 versus dh555, World 2: dBKC versus pexetera, World 3: kinoa1 versus benhoidal, World 4: dBKC versus longtallbrad and World 5: kinoa1 versus dBKC.”

Cousin Sal: “And World 6: my youngest son versus my middle son in a Highlander style battle where only one of them gets to survive the pandemic.”

Bill Simmons: “dBKC and and kinoa1 both end up with three finals teams. Who could have predicted that?”

Cousin Sal: “We had a wager in Against All Odds where Harry parlayed “Under .5 owners make three finals teams” with “Over 2.5 NBA players break quarantine to go to a strip club” so that tells you what the degenerates predicted.”

Bill Simmons: “And we forgot to mention, dBKC does all of this by phone! He doesn’t even know what a vlookup is!”

Cousin Sal: “I had to vlookup when your next HBO show is and it looks like they canceled it for a second time.”

Bill Simmons: “And we have to mention, longtallbrad, near the bottom of the standings MAKES THE FINALS!”

Cousin Sal: “That reminds me about this new show I've been watching in quarantine called “The Longtallbrad-y Bunch” on the Jewish Tinder Network?”

Bill Simmons: “Oh Tinder got its own TV station now?”

Cousin Sal: “That’s right but you can only get it in Israel.”

Bill Simmons: “All right then. So, we are going to set the lines for over-under championships in the finals.”

Cousin Sal: “Right, so I set fictitious lines with the Parlay Kid and Brother Bri, emailed them to you and you sent me your guesses ahead of time. Before everyone gets all bent out of shape, we count equal differences as a tie.”

Bill Simmons: “Yeah, settle down Twitter.”

Cousin Sal: “First up, longtallbrad, the line is .5 championships.”

Bill Simmons: “So the issue here is that Brad had to go to seven games and dBKC swept pexetera so he has been resting.”

Cousin Sal: “But is the rest good? Don’t the players get rusty? I saw a stat that said over the last 20 years at WiS the team in the finals with the most rest is 1140 – 1790.”

In the background we hear what sounds suspiciously like someone fake-coughing: “Bullshit.”

Bill Simmons: “I saw a stat that was in My Gambling Ewing Theory Manifesto on Blackjack that was rule #17, always bet on the better team when they are at home.”

Cousin Sal: “Wow so you are taking Brad?”

Bill Simmons: “No, I am taking the zag.”

robusk is heard screaming “**** YOU SIMMONS!” in the background after another Simmons contradiction.

Bill Simmons: “I am going with dBKC in that series. Give me the under and make it a lock!”

Sal does a 4 minute impression of Simmons leaving a fake drunken voicemail with erotic overtures to dBKC.

Bill Simmons: “Wow. I don’t remember that.”

Cousin Sal: “Yeah, you were like robusk drunkenly in the park evaluating his Savage teams after 20 games. I also take dBKC.”

Bill Simmons: “The other party crasher here, dh555 also at .5 championships. Man, World 1 was a pupu platter. Are we sure any of those teams were good?”

Cousin Sal: “Are you crazy Simmons? dh555 has 71-72 Kareem Abdul-Jabaar on his team. You’re just upset there are no Celtics on it. Give me the over.”

Bill Simmons: “I can’t forgive Kyrie for what he did to the 2019 Celtics, give me the under.”

Cousin Sal: “Next, benhoidal also at .5 championships but the over is at -175 so a lot of action on the over here.”

Bill Simmons: “Look, I am tired of analytics. benhoidal thinks he is going to get a spot at the Sloan conference by trying to stack his odds for a championship. I am not sure it is happening. kinoa1 is a pantheon owner.”

Cousin Sal: “kinoa1’s team might not even be very good. HE DIDN’T EVEN WIN HIS DIVISION.”

Bill Simmons: “You talked me into it, give me the over.”

Cousin Sal: “I got the over too.”

Simmons: “Okay, pexetera was one of two favorites headed into the playoffs and he finished with a whopping one finals team. He is at .5 championships as well.”

Cousin Sal: “Yeah we had ashamael on against all odds and he predicted pexetera would struggle in the playoffs.”

Bill Simmons: “Struggle seems harsh, he did have three conference finals teams.”

Cousin Sal: “He is a choker!”

Bill Simmons: “Barkley, Shawn Kemp, Mark Jackson, Jimmy Butler, none of those guys ever won anything. That is why none of them made like 32 of my Pyramid in the Book of Basketball.”

Cousin Sal: “Give me the under.”

Bill Simmons: “This is gonna shock you Sal but this is the Nobody Believes in Us Team! I got the over!”

Cousin Sal: “Nobody believes in them because I had all three of his teams in a three team parlay to make the finals.”

Bill Simmons: ‘Finally, dBKC and kinoa1 each with a line of 1.5 finals.”

Cousin Sal: “Let me do the math here real quick. We both already picked against kinoa1 in one finals a piece by virtue of our other picks. You honestly could argue that given the odds of all the other outcomes, World 5 is the most important finals where either dBKC steals the crown or kinoa1 surprises no one and wins the overall title.”

Bill Simmons: “Unfortunately, kinoa1’s team is just better.”

Cousin Sal: “Well, his division was definitely worse.”

Bill Simmons: “When in doubt, take the better coach at home. I go kinoa1 over and dBKC under.”

Cousin Sal: “I have the same thing. So Sportsguy, you have 2 championships for kinoa1, 1 for dBKC, 1 for pexetera and 1 for benhoidal. I had 2 for kinoa1, 1 for dBKC, 1 for dh555 and 1 for benhoidal.”

Bill Simmons: “GOOD JOB BY YOU!”

Cousin Sal: “GOOD JOB BY YOU!”