Ben and Rob:
I had no intentions of being affected by anything that happened while I was here. I do consider this a short revival, just so I can use all of the new seasons that intrigue me. I certainly didn't think I'd be affected by watching your video, but.......when I heard both of you agree that you had been too harsh on me, I felt very strongly. Wasn't quite sure what that was, but now that I'm thinking about it, it's a mix of relief and gratitude. The acrimony wasn't why I retired - not entirely or even primarily - but I'd say it was a factor. The primary reason was I felt like I had tried everything I wanted to try in terms of the SIM.
Hearing you guys say that actually means a lot. I didn't want to participate in or cause any more conflict, and I still don't. For a lot of personal reasons, I would've been much more inclined towards the smoke back then than I am now. I do apologize because I wasn't just tuned for it, I even welcomed it. I don't now. So I'm sure my short fuse led to quite a bit of it going on longer and harsher than it could've been. I can't say I'm perfect in that regard but I don't want conflict or reckoning or anything like that anymore. If I put up a stop sign, I will dig into that stop sign and not take anything I might consider to be bait. If I do go back, I don't want Savage to be too savage. I take some responsibility too. It's a reflection of what I was dealing with at the time, which is a lot easier for me to deal with now because of some hard things I had to do.
While there's going to be some detachment from this because I can't actually let this matter too much, I am grateful for the sentiment. I am an experimenter, then, now, and always. As long as you let me throw **** at the wall and see if it sticks, I acknowledge that that's what I'm doing. If I have an opinion to bring, you don't have to take it seriously. Even if I'm steadfast and passionate about what I believe, don't take it too seriously. I know I don't have the record to back any of it up. I still feel like a new user trying ****. That's how I keep it fresh
5/31/2024 4:24 PM (edited)