WOW...Up all night reading this for the first time. HO-LEE CRAP!!!
The Tayshaun Prince: Using ridiculous wingspan, simply hand the ball to the first baseman.
The Aaron Ralston: Catch the throw from ss/3b as usual. Using a dull knife, cut off your right arm and fling the whole schmeer toward first. Do not worry about the accuracy of your throw; the batter is likely to pass out in horror at what he has seen. Even if your first baseman also collapses, you may now retrieve the arm, glove, and ball at your leisure, and record the out. Seek medical attention. Not recommended if you need to stay in the game.