Shtickless - Unless Being Dead Is A Shtick Topic

Where do you live now gin?
8/29/2016 7:03 PM
The streets.
8/30/2016 8:06 AM
The streets seem to have good wifi.
8/30/2016 10:30 PM
9/29/2016 9:16 PM
Posted by bret2775 on 9/29/2016 9:16:00 PM (view original):
The Sofa King!!!
9/29/2016 11:47 PM
Ok. First a little about myself. Now I'm sure you've all noticed from my first post, as wrmiller13 has so eloquently pointed out, that I am sounding a little arrogant about this whole matter. I apologize in advance as ignorance sadly sometimes brings the worst out in me.
Try not to take what I say too lightly. I know that this is only a sports simulation website and the propensity to do so is a fact of life, but it will be worth your while to take some time out and mull over a few of the things I am about to say to you.
First, I am not a nutjob off the street when it comes to these matters. I hold a Masters degree in Archaeology with a minor in geology and a separate Baccalaureatte degree in history. I spent three years as the Head Curator at the Institute of Sedimentary and Petroleum Geology in Calgary, Alberta, Canada with my primary duties being the study and preservation of the cumulative colection of Nobel nominee Sir Herman Geldsetzer. If you doubt any of this, go ahead and start googling.
I'm not sure how much archaeological education or experience any of you have, but to really dig down to the center of this matter, one has to return to the "scene of the crime" so to speak. Any of you Americans who have spent a tour of duty in Iraq may have heard some vague references to this, but that area of the world in Archaeological terms is referred to as "The Cradle of Civilization"
The reason for this term is that the first known civilization, called the Sumerian civilization (pronounced "Shew-mair-ee-an" not "Soo-mair-ee-an", please get it right) sprang up in that area approximately 6000 years ago. This should not be confused with the Theological assertion by Archbishop James Ussher that the earth was created by the Lord during one autumn week in 4004 BCE.
You have probably read and noticed by this point that I have referred to God as "The Lord", as though he really exists and that I really believe in him. Keep that in mind and read on. Many of you already have read or heard much about the Ancient Greeks or the Ancient Egyptians, but have heard or read very little about the Ancient Sumerians. There is a reason for this. Most governments, especially in the western world, want you to know as little as possible about the Ancient Sumerian civilization. It's not that the information isn't available. The reason is that everything we have learned about the Sumerians completely destroys everything we thought we knew about ourselves and our own human origins. In other words, they do not fit the accepted "Christian" model of human history.
The wonderful thing about the Sumerians is that they were meticulous record keepers. This is not something some bright caveman woke up one morning and decided to start doing. It was a learned art, that was taught by someone, or something, else. The writing they used to record all that they did and knew was called Cuneiform. It involved a simple method of whitling down any long thin object, a twig, or even a rock for those who were more talented, so that the end made an elongated triangular form that one could press into soft, wet clay. When these triangular symbols were combined together in differing numbers and orientations, an alphabet was created. The first "alphabet". By recording things in this manner, they created a system of maintaining records that would last for hundreds, even thousands of years. What they did then was create thousands of objects called "cylinder seals", that were mostly made of hardened clay. These cylinder seals have been very well preserved in the hot dry desert sands of the middle east, and have been found in abundance at archaeological sites such as Ur and Babylon. The cylinder seal is exactly as it's name suggests, a cylinder with a negative impression of the cuneiform message written around it. The information could then be transferred from the seal to wet clay by pressing the cylinder down on the clay and then rolling it across the clay. This would create a positive impression in the clay of the message. The amazing thing about this is that the original message on the cylinder had to be written backwards for the system to work, much like you would have to write a message backwards on a piece of paper in order to read it properly in a mirror.
Literally thousands of these cylinder seals have been found in the Iraqi desert, with many more lying in wait. The seals that have been found, have been buried for decades in the cellars of major museums in countries like England, USA, and Germany. Only recently have they been taken out and re-examined. Because of the hostile government of Saddam Hussein that resided in Iraq for about 30 years, followed by the war and ongoing civil dispute, access to the archaeological riches in Iraq has been nearly impossible since the mid 1960's.
The most commonly written information contained within the cylinder seals is a large book of many seperate works called the Enuma Elish. In Sumerian form, the Enuma Elish takes it's most ancient, and subsequently, it's purest form. Simply stated, the Enuma Elish is the precursor to Genesis. For those of you who hold radicaly religious beliefs, I'm sorry to say but the Bible was not written by the hand of God. It was copied down from an older version by the Jewish priests held captive in Babylon by Nebuchadnezzar from 597-537 BCE. Those priests had full access to the same cylinder seals I have previously mentioned, stored in abundance in the Babylonian record halls. Nebuchadnezzar had full intentions, as most dictators do, of completely assimilating it's conquered peoples into Babylonian society.
Contained within the Enuma Elish is every story contained within the old testament that predates the Jewish captivity. One that may ring a bell with everyone reading this is the Epic of Gilgamesh. Virtually a carbon copy of the tale of Noah and the Flood, with numerous other adventures thrown in as well.
But even more fascinating, and educating, is the story of the Anunnaki, "The Lofty Ones". We in the archaeological community, unfortunately, tend to assign the misnomer "Gods" to these beings. The fact is, the Sumerians never viewed the Anunnaki as gods, but more as superior beings and teachers. One thing they were certain of was that the Anunnaki were the creators of the human race. Now at first glance we can all say "what did a primitive civilization who knew nothing of what we call science and our advanced theology know about where the human race came from?" Well think about it. Anyone who knows anything about history knows that the further we get away from events as they happen, the more twisted and distorted records of those events become. The records left by the Sumerians, are the closest records we have of human origins to the actual events. This is fact. It is indisputable. Do I expect you to believe me based on this statement alone? Of course not. Read on.
The two primary characters of the Anunnaki pantheon of "gods" were two brothers named En-lil and En-ki. En-lil was the younger brother who was also a very strict authoritarian. After the Anunnaki arrived on earth, En-lil was assigned the duties of chief administrator over the E-din, a very lush tropical paradise on the shores of the Persian Gulf which served as the site of the initial Anunnaki settlement on Earth. En-ki was a scientist who was charged with the duties of overseeing mining operations to retrieve highly sought after, and desperately needed gold.
Well this is going to have to be concluded later tonight because my shift is ending and I'm about to go home and get some sleep. In the meantime, feel free to let me know how interested you all are to hear the end of this story, and if you're not, too bad because you're going to hear it anyway.
9/30/2016 7:53 AM
9/30/2016 8:27 AM
Honestly, if I wanted to...
9/30/2016 10:16 PM
10/1/2016 8:43 AM
Seems like there aren't as many good relief pitchers as there used to be in Shtickless HBD.
10/6/2016 1:11 AM
Posted by vandydave on 10/6/2016 1:11:00 AM (view original):
Seems like there aren't as many good relief pitchers as there used to be in Shtickless HBD.
I try to hoard them when I can... Grabbed Hamlet Cammack a while back in trade and just got BC Holmes from Ace in FA this season. I've tried to get Harold Garcia for almost 10 seasons now, to no avail.
10/10/2016 9:05 PM
this is still alive?
10/21/2016 2:13 PM
You're only alive as you feel, fregoe.
10/23/2016 2:30 PM
11/17/2016 4:50 PM
pretty sure most of shtickless is dead by now... based on the 'find out how you will die' simulator we took a few years ago.
11/17/2016 10:26 PM
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Shtickless - Unless Being Dead Is A Shtick Topic

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