Jokes Topic

jiml60
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A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp
h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.

8/16/2013 11:29 AM
rsp777
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What do you call a black guy on the moon???


























An Astronaut, you racist ****!!!

8/16/2013 4:30 PM
rob_frazer
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A young ventriloquist is on his first paid gig. The routine he devised has him making a few lame attempts at humor while the dummy looks at him, shaking his head after each "joke. "

"That's what you call funny?" the dummy says.

"Can you do any better?" the ventriloquist asks.

"Pay attention," the dummy replies and begins telling blond jokes.

A blond woman in the back of the club stands up and shouts, "All right! That's enough! I've had it with 5th rate losers like you telling these stupid jokes and never thinking about what it's like to be blond and hear this crap all the time. We're sick of it. And another thing. I bet I 'm twice as smart as you!"

The ventriloquist was mortified by this outburst. "I'm terribly sorry. Please don't take these silly jokes personally. It's just meant for fun. And you're surely right about being twice as smart as I am. I don't doubt that at all."

"I'm not talking to you, Buster," the blond says. "I'm talking to that little jerk sitting in your lap."

8/18/2013 3:54 PM
nickbracco
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You need to work on your act dude.
8/18/2013 6:23 PM
DougOut
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8/18/2013 8:51 PM
jiml60
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Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 M.P.H. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car
over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts.

The driver obviously confused said,"Officer, I don't understand, I wasn't doing over the speed limit!, What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer said, "you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous". "Slower than the speed limit? NO SIR! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said proudly.

The officer containing a chuckle explains that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned, thanking the officer for pointing out her error. "Before I go Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone OK?

These women seem badly shaken and haven't uttered a word all this time" "Oh! they will be alright in a minute, Officer, we just got off Route 142."
10/4/2013 11:08 PM
jiml60
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2/21/2014 5:39 PM
bottomlee
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This one works great in a group....around a campfire or such.....

The seven dwarfs are all sitting around, bullshitting one day...doc looks down and says "I must have the smallest hands in the world", (luckily) the guiness book of world records is there, and measures, and yes, he has the smallest hands. Grumpy, exclaims, he must have the smallest feet...a measurement later, and its true. This conintues on, sleepy, bashful, dopey, sneezy all get measured an set a new record along the way, head, nose, neck, et all....

happy stands up, frustrated. "well, **** it. I must have the smallest dick in the world"....he goes out back.....some time passes....more time passes...after a long time, he comes out all ****** off, kicking at the ground and stomping....and yells out (insert friend's name here) "who the **** is jiml60??!!!??"
8/6/2017 11:43 PM
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kasprowitz
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I dreamt last night I was a muffler.......& I woke up exhausted.
8/7/2017 5:46 PM
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