I want the option to respond with a request for minutes with answers like

- you want more minutes, show a work ethic that isnt the worst we have ever had on this roster and you'll get minutes

- you want more minutes, fine, here are the uniforms of the guys who PLAYED last night, spend some minutes with them in the laundry

- you want more minutes, let me tell you about minutes, the only minutes you will ever see at this school are minutes of the student government association if you get elected to that

or

- please understand, your minutes are limited this season, but next year you will be a starter

- as soon as we get that hoop IQ to at least a B, you will get plenty of minutes

I had to save this message I received a while ago, due to the awesome coaches name.  If you don't get it, say it out loud to yourself. 

Reminds me of a joke from the Chris Farley movie Black Sheep.

This might be the crazy one you guys were talking about. This is the second time I got this after a home visit.




SHHH-BANG! That's what I'm talking about! I was so excited to see you at the house, my momma had to hose down the carpet three times. She said she hadn't seen anybody so excited since the day they delivered grandpappy's Russian mail-order bride. She didn't speak a lick of English, but grandpappy didn't seem to mind. I'm not sure what she saw in him, but she must've seen something 'cuz they would go at it like two gophers at a carrot. Grandpappy died of some heart mischief later and his bride got all his belongings and money to soothe her aching heart. She's living in Beverly Hills now. She seems to be doing fine, but she won't return our calls anymore. Speaking of calls...how come you haven't returned any of my calls. I tried to call every hour to check on my status. I even found your home number, but something must be wrong, because it says its disconnected now. If you're having trouble paying those folks at the phone company, never you mind.

Why, once for about three years we had no phones 'cuz daddy couldn't get off'n his lazy butt to go get a job. He even tried doing one of them Wal-mart jobs of saying 'Hey, welcome to Wal-mart', but he kept messing it up. Momma had enough of that. She went out and got herself a new daddy. I don't see him much, but I think he must work all day, since he only comes by at night to call on momma and they go at it like pappy use to with his Russian gal. Funny though, he always sounds different, but momma doesn't mind only seeing him for a few hours every night. One time someone asked her what she did for a living and she said she was in the oldest profession - so I think she's a secretary or something. Anyways, you stop back, okay? Momma would love to talk to you again. She kept ranting about your pretty eyes, but I told her she must be crazy. I'll talk to ya later - when you get your phone undisconnected - and I can't wait to play for you and Eureka.

Love ya, man!

Ricky Baur