Posted by crazyivan on 7/7/2016 6:49:00 PM (view original):
'Life is like a box of chocolates'.....but that box is full of nuts.

Just when did 'Merica stop being great - and what made it great then, but not so much now?

I went to a garden to pray. And once there, the Lord showed herself to me, and said "rise, my son...although I am you and you are me...only you must bear the sins of my creation", to which I exclaimed "WHY have thou forsaken us...but specifically me...in our moment of need???"

Upon opening my eyes, through the tears, I saw the closest of all my confidants Joe (who said he was from Trenton, New Jersey but is really from Michigan or somewhere stupid like that) coming over the hillside with a group of very serious looking men, with shiny metal shrouding their chests and sheathed on their hips.

As he came to me with the glistening silver in his hands, I drew him near to kiss him on the cheek...and all of sudden, some f*cking ******* tattoo'd me right in the face!!!! WTF, all that shinny metal and silver sh*t quickly turned into nothing but badges and handcuffs (not to mention Joe was weirdly insisting his name was Christopher and was wearing a silk Kimono).

Luckily, Kristobal had a spare Kimono and was able to calm his neighbors down by promising them we'd replace the two (possibly three) Koi fish from their aquatic pond...so they released me. But I was so freaked out, all I could say was "Joe, the only thing that can level me out is a little bit more of that molly", to which he said "I thought you'd never ask..."

Come on dude, that is chapter 8 from fear and loathing, verbatim......

Posted by dadbod on 7/9/2016 4:49:00 PM (view original):
Come on dude, that is chapter 8 from fear and loathing, verbatim......

first of all, I'm from Louisville KY...and second of all, if you're gonna accuse a gangster of plagiarism then you better come correct, son.

Posted by nachopuzzle on 7/9/2016 5:25:00 PM (view original):

Posted by dadbod on 7/9/2016 4:49:00 PM (view original):
Come on dude, that is chapter 8 from fear and loathing, verbatim......

first of all, I'm from Louisville KY...and second of all, if you're gonna accuse a gangster of plagiarism then you better come correct, son.

Straight out of Jefferson County.

Posted by Trentonjoe on 7/9/2016 6:55:00 PM (view original):

Posted by nachopuzzle on 7/9/2016 5:25:00 PM (view original):

Posted by dadbod on 7/9/2016 4:49:00 PM (view original):
Come on dude, that is chapter 8 from fear and loathing, verbatim......

first of all, I'm from Louisville KY...and second of all, if you're gonna accuse a gangster of plagiarism then you better come correct, son.

Straight out of Jefferson County.

holy sh*t Kristobal, for real though, what you know about that...I was born in the 502...

...but raised by them 8-twelve killas, down for our skrilla, finger on the triggas...so lay it down playyaa.......


without a doubt, our best jam: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9-CS2v8wcc

In an incredibly creepy coincidence, I have a kimono (not silk though) and have had to talk security into allowing me to replace the Koi and to not call the cops on my wedding night after one to many white Russians for Mrs. Joe.

Posted by Trentonjoe on 7/9/2016 9:07:00 PM (view original):
In an incredibly creepy coincidence, I have a kimono (not silk though) and have had to talk security into allowing me to replace the Koi and to not call the cops on my wedding night after one to many white Russians for Mrs. Joe.

hahaha, if you're ever drunk around a Koi pond again, just remember that they belong to the 'carp' species....I've weirdly made at least $200 off dumbasses that are certain they are 'catfishes'...for real, google it. But nicely done though...depending on how big they were that might have been grand larceny or whatever, gangster.

P.S. sh*t like that is the reason you're my hero.

wait...so was it Mrs.Kristobal that fell into the fish tank???