Doc has posted the draft order and the honor of kicking this party off goes to me. So I'm going to open with a Groucho Marx story.
Groucho used to perform live in his later career and tell jokes and stories. Mostly the bawdy ones he couldn't tell in movies or on TV. One he liked to share, relayed to me from my father who heard it live, went like this. Groucho once received a letter in the mail from Dick Cavett (kids, you can look up "letter," "mail," and "Dick Cavett" on the Google). Inside was a hand-written note, just one sentence long. It read, "Did you ever notice that Peter O'Toole is a double-phallic name?"
In honor of Groucho, Dick, and Peter, I have searched for the best double-phallic name to fit the theme. Dick Pole was a bit too obvious. Rod Woodson played the wrong sport. A couple other good ones didn't fit the salary restrictions. Red Woodhead stopped playing in 1879. I've got a few options in my pocket for next year, too (or is that a banana in my pocket?).
Alright. Alright. No more delays. I'm going with ... Jim O'Toole.
1961 version $7,012,565
SP #3 $7-8M, 220 IP/162 minimum
Nearly $1M in salary saved, and 266 very marginal innings that won't totally screw everyone over.
Wrap up your jimmies, and cover your tools. Bagchucker is coming to town next.