Game of Zones - SAVAGE Season 2 - Theme Leagues

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Season 2 - Episode 1: The Hand’s Tourney
Upon a dark background, white block letters say ‘PREVIOUSLY ON GAME OF ZONES’. The Os are filled in as though they are basketballs.

We hear bells ringing, and our scene opens to the Sept of Baylor the Bricklayer in King’s Landing. There are large white steps leading to a massive chapel with seven towers, one for each of the NBA finals that the Bricklayer lost. The two ornate doors at the top of the stairs open on their own accord and we enter into the sept. On the floor, a large seven pointed star is painted in the image of a basketball. A tapestry of the ‘7 seconds or less’ offense is draped on one wall, and on another drapes a tapestry of Sir Robert Horry and his seven rings. Sculptures depicting the seven gods of the sim are mounted around the room: Randomness, Probability, Chaos, Usage, Disorder, Efficiency, and Self-Loathing. In the center of the sept, we see an open coffin and as we get closer we see who is inside. King kinoa, 1st of his name, is dead.

Standing next to the coffin we see two individuals. Lord dh555 is wearing a fancy doublet and an enamel lapel pin in the shape of a hand. Next to him we see a short man with slender build and a small pointed beard. He is wearing a slashed velvet doublet with a mockingbird embroidered on the breast.

bds9992: “Lord Hand, we must make haste. His Grace has left no heirs to the throne. If we don’t do something now, the realm will be thrown into chaos that it hasn’t known since the SAVAGE wars.”

Lord dh555: “The King has been poisoned, and you seek for me to name an heir? All of the lords of the realm are suspects. Am I to pronounce one of them king?”

bds9992: “You are most wise Lord Hand. Perhaps it would be best to name someone who has never been named a lord? Never won a title?”

Lord dh555: “No. We must hold a Great Council. With all of the lords in one place we can investigate. Summon all the lords to the council chamber.”

Cut to the council chamber where the lords of the realm are waiting for dh555’s decision.

Lord dh555: “It has been decided. With no heirs to the throne the only fair way to decide the succession is to hold a great tourney.”

A loud murmur goes through the chamber.

Lord dh555: “All of the lords assembled here today shall compete for the throne.”

Lord Brad from the Longest and Tallest House speaks up from the back: “Let me save you all some trouble and some pain. I’m the biggest, and clearly…” He looks smugly around at the assembled lords. “The best fighter. Name me King.”

Lord dBKC pulls a knife out: “You’ll have to stay awake this time Sir Brad. The throne should clearly pass to second place.”

Lord pexetera: “I was the regular season King. That should count for something”

Lord dh555: “SILENCE! We shall not fight amongst ourselves. Each of you shall hire hedge knights from the realm to fight in your stead.”

The lords disperse and a horrified Lord bds9992 turns to Lord dh555.

bds9992: “But Lord Hand, won’t this lead to a second SAVAGE war?”

Lord dh555 turns slowly and we see a smirk growing across his face. “Who do you think started the first war?”

The screen darkens to black and we see a disclaimer in white letters appear: ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS CARTOON, EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE, ARE FICTIONAL AND ALL VOICES ARE OBVIOUSLY IMPERSONATED. The letters disappear and new letters take its place: GAME OF ZONES. The Os are basketballs. These letters too disappear and a cartoon knight is seen dribbling a basketball between his legs next to new letters: SEASON 2 - EPISODE 1: The Hand’s Tourney.

Scene opens to Sir LeBron James riding upon a white stallion towards the gates of King’s Landing. Accompanying him is his squire, Sir Anthony of Brow.

Sir Anthony: “We should both fight for the same lord. I can’t imagine having to fight against you.”

Sir LeBron: “No, I’m sure you can’t. No one can stand against me in this tournament. I have everything a lord shall want, and nothing they don’t. No one is 100% more effective at more positions. Unfortunately the Hand, Lord dh555 has decreed that the lords shall draw swords to see who shall win my services. It is only fair, whichever one I am to fight for is sure to win.”

They pass through the gates and enter the Red Keep of King’s Landing. On the road ahead they see knights from all over the realm arriving into town. One knight stands higher than the rest.

Sir LeBron: “That is Sir Wilt, the Goliath of Dipperville. Whichever lord’s sword gets drawn second will be blessed with his services. Too bad, he can only guard one position.” Sir LeBron smirks. “Sir Anthony, have you been practicing your sigils? Can you name the other knights assembled here?”

Sir Anthony: “That over there is the Bearded Knight of House Morey. They say he almost single handedly defeated his Grace in the SAVAGE WAR. Next to him is Sir Charles of the Round Mound. And is that the famous wizard knight, Sir Magic? Oh and look, two knights from the Eyrie are riding in now, Sir Michael of Jordan and Sir Kareem, the Captain of the Gold Cloaks. They say that up in the Mountains of the Moon, they teach incredible swordplay. I’ve heard that Sir Kareem uses a technique called a Sky Hook which is supposedly unstoppable. Who is that slender knight over there with the wispy chin hairs?”

Sir LeBron: “That is a water dancer from Braavos who goes by the name of Sir Stephen.” Sir LeBron scowls. “Last time we met, he hired another knight of great stature to fight along his side: Sir Kevin, the Snake Knight of House Durant. Together, they gave me my only defeat.”

Sir Anthony: “...but you’ve been defeated six tim…”

Sir LeBron: “Exactly. Only been defeated once. Be careful Sir Anthony, you’ve hardly even fought in any great tournaments and are only here now, because I allow you to ride my coattails.”

As they approach the castle, dh555 is standing next to the throne. All of the knights ride up to hear what he has to say. Behind him stands the Kingsguard, the seven knights who were sworn to protect King Kinoa and will be sworn to the next king. One knight looms larger than the rest.

Sir Anthony: “They say that’s the Mountain who Rides, the Breaker of Backboards, Sir Shaq.”

Sir LeBron: “Apparently, the Kingsguard will be fighting in this tourney as well. Not that it matters. If I had been among them, the King would still be alive.”

dh555: “Knights of the realm. Today begins the greatest tourney the SAVAGE LANDS have ever known. Honor and glory await you. But first, we must draw swords in order to see which of the lords before you shall earn your services.”

He gestures to bds9992 who is carrying a giant gym bag full of 24 swords, one from each of the lords of the realm. bds9992 sets the bag before dh555’s feet. The camera just barely catches bds9992 smirk as he descends the stairs.

dh555: “I have chosen Lord dBKC to reach into the holy gym bag and select which amongst you shall have the first pick of the knights of the realm. dBKC, proceed.”

Lord dBKC approaches and reaches into the gym bag.

The camera shifts back to Lord LeBron and Lord Anthony.

Lord LeBron: “Finally we shall see which lord shall become king. Whomever is to draft me, it makes no matter. I shall lead their house to the greatest of victories.”

Lord dBKC reaches into the gym bag and withdraws a sword. He passes it along to dh555.

The camera zooms in on LeBron’s smug face as we hear dh555’s voice ring out.

dh555: “The lord with the first selection of knights shall be… bds9992.”

The smug smirk is replaced by a horrified grimace as our screen goes black and white block letters take over the screen: GAME OF ZONES.

8/11/2020 12:28 PM (edited)

benhoidal

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Season 2 - Episode 2: The House of No Evil
Upon a dark background, white block letters say ‘PREVIOUSLY ON GAME OF ZONES’. The Os are filled in as though they are basketballs.

Scene opens to the Hand of the King, dh555 addressing a crowd of lords and knights.

dh555: “Knights of the realm. Today begins the greatest tourney the SAVAGE LANDS have ever known. Honor and glory await you.”

Cut to Sir LeBron riding on a white stallion followed closely by Sir Anthony of Brow. They pass through a large gate and enter the Red Keep of King’s Landing. On the road ahead they see knights from all over the realm arriving into town. One knight stands higher than the rest.

Sir LeBron: “That is Sir Wilt, the Goliath of Dipperville. Whichever lord’s sword gets drawn second will be blessed with his services. Too bad, he can only guard one position.” Sir LeBron smirks.

The screen darkens to black and we see a disclaimer in white letters appear: ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS CARTOON, EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE, ARE FICTIONAL AND ALL VOICES ARE OBVIOUSLY IMPERSONATED. The letters disappear and new letters take its place: GAME OF ZONES. The Os are basketballs. These letters too disappear and a cartoon knight is seen dribbling a basketball between his legs next to new letters: SEASON 2 - EPISODE 2: The House of No Evil.

Scene opens to a giant man riding a massive mountain lion through the streets of Braavos. He is wearing chain mail armor over a black leather doublet and has on a golden headband from which long black hair is flowing down his back. He approaches a dark stone building at the top of a rocky knoll. A set of marble steps leads to two large ornate doors. The left door is made of white weirwood. The right is ebony. In the center of the doors is a carved monkey face made of ebony on the weirwood side and weirwood on the ebony side. Instead of eyes, it has two empty sockets. The left socket is weirwood against the ebony monkey face, the right socket is ebony against the weirwood monkey face. Next to the doors on either side are two sculptures of monkeys. The one on the left is holding its hands over it’s ears. The one on the right is holding its hands over its mouth.

The man dismounts and heads up the stairs. He is carrying a morning star and has a large double headed axe strapped to his back. The doors open and three hooded figures step out and onto the top step. The one in front holds out an arm and a hand that isn’t quite human protrudes from the extended sleeve. A long finger stretches out and points first at the morning star, and then at the axe. The man drops the weapons on the bottom steps and follows the three figures through the doors. The inside of the building is completely dark except for an array of candles that are lit in a path. Off the glow of the candles we see the lead hooded figure beckon the man forth. At the end of the candle lit path is another hooded figure wearing a robe. The hood slowly falls back, seemingly on its own accord, revealing the striking red hair that could only belong to one lord.

Lord Gerry the Red: “Who are you?”

Sir Wilt the Stilt: “No one.”

Lord Gerry: “You lie. You are the Goliath of Dipperville. I know you well.”

Sir Wilt: “You traded swords with Lord dBKC. Why?”

Lord Gerry: “The House of Gerry has fallen on tough times. Fewer men each day come to pray to the No Evil Gods. We must rise once more. You are the answer. No knight has your strength or combination of effective field goal percentage, usage, rebounding, minutes, and defense. We could have taken Sir Shaq of the Kingsguard, Sir Kareem of the Eyrie, or even the water dancer Sir Stephen from here in Braavos. None of them have what it takes. None of them have lost like you have. When our sword was drawn third, we knew we must trade up to gain your service. All men must serve. So it has been from the beginning. It is your turn to serve now. Acolytes, prepare the gift.”

The three hooded figures disrobe and we see that they are monkeys. All three of them are disfigured. One has only empty sockets where its eyes should be. Another is missing its ears. The third has a slit on its throat where a knife had once cut it. The one without eyes is holding a fire pit poker. At the end is a brand of a monkey face. The one without ears raises a hand and fire erupts in the darkness. As the monkey without eyes places the poker in the fire, the third acolyte grabs Sir Wilt with uncanny strength and holds his head firm by the fire.

A panicked Sir Wilt shouts: “What are you doing? Let me go!”

The camera zooms in on Sir Wilt’s terrified face. His features get younger before our eyes and suddenly we are no longer in the House of Black and White. We are on a basketball court in the middle of a great castle. Sir Wilt is a young kid and his arms are being held by two older boys wearing green. In front of them stands a tall young knight dressed in green and white armor with the sigil of a three leaf clover on his breastplate. He is holding his helm and as we look at his face we see that it is Sir Russell of the Shamrock Knights. Next to him are two more older boys wearing green and learning at Sir Wilt.

Sir Wilt: “What are you doing? Let me go!”

Sir Russell laughs and looks around at his companions. The rest of the knights follow suit and laugh with him.

Sir Russell: “Sir Wilt. When will you learn that you cannot defeat me alone? You will never win until you trust your teammates.”

Sir Wilt: “I do not need teammates! I once defeated 100 knights by myself!”

Sir Russell chuckles to himself: “Those were lesser knights. Hell, they were wearing knickers instead of armor. You never learn Sir Wilt. Bob, hand me my sword. John, where do you think I should put this ring? It seems as though I have run out of fingers.”

We snap back to the House of Black and White and Wilt’s terrified face. As the acolyte pulls the brand out of the fire, Lord Gerry the Red approaches.

Lord Gerry: “Aren’t you tired of always coming in 2nd, Sir Wilt? Always falling just short to the Shamrock Knights? Do you not want revenge? All men must die, even Sir Russell. I can show you the way, if you are willing to pay the price?”

Sir Wilt: “What price?”

Lord Gerry: “The price is you. The price is all you have and all you ever hope to have. We will take your eyes, your ears, your voice. All men must serve, and you shall serve by leading our house to victory in the Hand’s Tournament. Then, and only then, will you be able to give the Gift to Sir Russell and the other Shamrock Knights. So I ask again, can you pay the price?”

The camera zooms in on Wilt’s face. He is trembling but he manages to nod. The camera angle shifts and we find ourselves looking through Wilt’s eyes. The monkey with the fiery brand lashes out, and our screen goes dark as white block letters take over the screen: GAME OF ZONES.

9/1/2020 12:51 PM (edited)

benhoidal

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Season 2 - Episode 3: The Water Dancer
Upon a dark background, white block letters say ‘PREVIOUSLY ON GAME OF ZONES’. The Os are filled in as though they are basketballs.

Scene opens to the Hand of the King, dh555 addressing a crowd of lords and knights.

dh555: “Knights of the realm. Today begins the greatest tourney the SAVAGE LANDS have ever known. Honor and glory await you.”

Cut to Sir LeBron riding on a white stallion followed closely by Sir Anthony of Brow.

Sir Anthony: “Who is that slender knight over there with the wispy chin hairs?”

Sir LeBron: “That is a water dancer from Braavos who goes by the name of Sir Stephen.” Sir LeBron scowls. “Last time we met, he hired another knight of great stature to fight along his side: Sir Kevin, the Snake Knight of House Durant. Together, they gave me my only defeat.”

Sir Anthony: “...but you’ve been defeated six tim…”

Sir LeBron: “Exactly. Only been defeated once.”

The screen darkens to black and we see a disclaimer in white letters appear: ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS CARTOON, EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE, ARE FICTIONAL AND ALL VOICES ARE OBVIOUSLY IMPERSONATED. The letters disappear and new letters take its place: GAME OF ZONES. The Os are basketballs. These letters too disappear and a cartoon knight is seen dribbling a basketball between his legs next to new letters: SEASON 2 - EPISODE 3: The Water Dancer.

Scene opens to a sword fight in the middle of a great courtyard basketball court between Steph and Seth Curry as children. Their father, Sir Dell, watches from the sidelines. Steph brings his sword behind his back from right hand to left, then crosses it in front of him back to his right hand. Seth falls for the faint and lunges with his own sword only for Steph to step back and strike at Seth from a safe distance. The practice sword hits Seth across the ankle and he falls down, defeated. Steph smugly approaches his father.

Sir Dell: “That step-back is getting better my son, but in my day I could strike from 20 feet away. You must keep working on your range. Again.”

Steph Curry turns back to his brother who is just getting up off the ground and mutters: “20 feet? Bah. I’ll learn to strike from 30.”

The words “strike from 30” echo a few times as Steph’s body grows to manhood and the scene evolves into the present time. His face still looks exactly the same. He is standing in the main courtyard basketball court of King’s Landing. He is holding two practice swords and watches as Sir Shawn Kemp approaches.

Sir Stephen: “You are late.” He tosses one of the wooden blades to Sir Shawn, who drops it. “Tomorrow, you will catch it.”

Sir Kemp: “I got delayed by the Spaghetti Lord. Who are you?”

Sir Stephen: “I am your dancing master.”

Sir Kemp: “I don’t dance.”

Sir Stephen: “After the Bearded Knight failed your Lord dBKC in the SAVAGE war, he sent for me. I am to train your sorry lot for the tourney.”

Sir Kemp’s eyes travel up and down the slim frame of Sir Stephen. “You are going to train me? Who do you think you are?”

Sir Stephen: “I was the first sword to the Sealord of Braavos. Other men were stronger, faster, younger, but I was the best. Why? I will tell you now. The striking. 25 feet? 30 feet? 35? It makes no matter. They say no man has ever had a better stroke. That sword must become part of your arm. Can you drop part of your arm? No. Now, we will begin the dance. This is not the iron dance of the knight, hacking and hammering, dunking and rebounding. No, this is the water dance, swift and sudden.”

Sir Kemp: “Maybe I am not made out to be a water dancer?”

Sir Stephen: “Preposterous, I heard they call you the Rain Man.”

Sir Kemp: “It’s Reign Man actually. I used to reign over a small town called Sonicville.”

Sir Stephen: “It makes no matter. All men are made of water, do you know this? When you strike them, the water leaks out and they die. Now, you will try and strike me.”

Sir Kemp takes a swing with his sword, but Sir Stephen lazily knocks it away and out of Sir Kemp’s hand. He goes to retrieve it, but as he bends down a foot stomps on his sword. The camera drifts upwards to reveal Sir LeBron James, a smug look on his face. Behind him Sir Patrick of the Garden starts to laugh.

Sir LeBron: “Sir Stephen, please do not tell me this is who you have chosen to help you oppose me? Sir Kemp is but an old man with a mead addiction and a bunch of dirty bastards. You have no Snake Knight to help you this time. You can’t win without him.”

Sir Kemp looks meekly at Sir Stephen, defeated. Sir Stephen looks Sir LeBron right in the eyes, not backing down one bit.

Sir Stephen: “You forget, I did win without the Snake Knight. Against you, in fact.”

Sir LeBron: “Yes, I guess you did. But it was only because my two sidekicks got the pox. The next tourney I got my revenge. This one shall be no different.”

Sir Stephen: “Your lord hasn’t won a tournament in twelve years of fighting, and your second is known more for his glandular problem than for winning tourneys. You do not scare me Sir.”

Sir LeBron: “I’m as used to serving inferior lords as I am to having inferior teammates. It makes no matter. Come Sir Patrick, we are wasting our time with these so called knights. Real challengers await on the practice court.”

As they stride away we just barely hear Sir LeBron say: “And stop sweating on me. Seriously, do you ever stop?”

Sir Patrick: “Sorry, sir. This armor isn’t very breathable.”

Sir Stephen turns back to Sir Kemp. “Tomorrow we start working on your striking range. That’s all for today.”

Sir Kemp: “But Sir, I want to train now. I’m going to throw my sword down Sir LeBron’s throat.”

Sir Stephen pulls a chef hat out of his scabbard and puts it on: “It will have to wait for the morrow. I have to go and make Lord dBKC his birthday cake.”

Sir Kemp: “But Sir, wasn’t his birthday yesterday?”

Sir Stephen sighs and gives Sir Kemp an exasperated look: “Everyday is his motherf*cking birthday.”

Our screen goes dark as white block letters take over the screen: GAME OF ZONES.

8/11/2020 11:42 AM (edited)

benhoidal

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Season 2 - Episode 4: The Malice of the Chalice
Upon a dark background, white block letters say ‘PREVIOUSLY ON GAME OF ZONES’. The Os are filled in as though they are basketballs.

We hear bells ringing, and our scene opens to the Sept of Baylor the Bricklayer in King’s Landing. We hear someone say: “The King is dead! The King is dead! King Kinoa, 1st of his name, is dead!”

Cut to The Hand of the King, Lord dh555 and bds9992 talking next to the open coffin of the late King Kinoa.

Lord dh555: “The King has been poisoned, and you seek for me to name an heir? All of the lords of the realm are suspects.”

bds9992: “You are most wise Lord Hand. Perhaps it would be best to name someone who has never been named a lord? Never won a title?”

Cut to Lord dh555 addressing a crowd of lords and knights.

Lord dh555: “Knights of the realm. Today begins the greatest tourney the SAVAGE LANDS have ever known. Honor and glory await you.”

Cut to Sir LeBron riding on a white stallion followed closely by Sir Anthony of Brow.

Sir Anthony of Brow: “Oh and look, two knights from the Eyrie are riding in now, Sir Michael of Jordan and Sir Kareem, the Captain of the Gold Cloaks. They say that up in the Mountains of the Moon, they teach incredible swordplay. I’ve heard that Sir Kareem uses a technique called a Sky Hook which is supposedly unstoppable.”

The screen darkens to black and we see a disclaimer in white letters appear: ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS CARTOON, EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE, ARE FICTIONAL AND ALL VOICES ARE OBVIOUSLY IMPERSONATED. The letters disappear and new letters take its place: GAME OF ZONES. The Os are basketballs. These letters too disappear and a cartoon knight is seen dribbling a basketball between his legs next to new letters: SEASON 2 - EPISODE 4: The Malice of the Chalice

Scene opens to the Tower of the Hand where dh555 is seated in an ornate chair behind a large desk. On the floor is a massive circular rug in the shape of a basketball. The rug is white and the lines of the basketball are blue. In the middle are three large fives in red. On the walls are great murals depicting the events of the first SAVAGE war. dh555 is holding a wine glass in one hand and a pen in the other. He is scribbling on some official document. We hear a knock on the door. dh555 calmly folds his paper and sets it inside a drawer.

Lord dh555: “Come in.”

The door opens and a towering man walks into the room. He is dressed in the armor and golden cloak of the city watch. Instead of the traditional visor, he is wearing a pair of purple goggles.

Lord dh555: “Sir Kareem, my captain, thank you for coming on such short notice. Have a seat.”

Sir Kareem continues to stand. “My Lord, the courtyard has been set up for the tournament’s opening feast. Seventy-seven dishes will be served, Madam Fergie will be performing the Anthem of Westeros, Lord Brad of the Longest and Tallest House has agreed to provide krav maga demonstrations, I think that’s a type of dance, and we have even managed to procure Sir Dame the Bard’s services.”

Lord dh555: “Captain, I am afraid I have some bad news. My sword was drawn fourteenth. I tried to trade up higher so I could select you, but alas, there were no takers.”

Sir Kareem sits down in the chair: “What are you saying My Lord?”

Lord dh555: “Unfortunately, today will be your last day as captain of my Gold Cloaks. It pains me to see you leave, but you have been drafted by Lord dskantor”

Sir Kareem: “Who?”

Lord dh555: “I don’t know much about him, but I know he fought against the King in the first SAVAGE war. Won the Battle of the Raging Bulls.”

Sir Kareem: “Lord Hand, the City Watch is all I know. Please, do not do this.”

Lord dh555: “I am sorry Sir Kareem, I truly am. You were the best knight of the SAVAGE war and you will always be my Captain, but I am afraid you are getting too old. Your watch has ended.”

Sir Kareem: “Please My Lord, at least tell me who it was that you drafted.”

Lord dh555: “I selected the Three Eyed Bird, Sir Larry from Bostonia.”

The camera zooms in on Sir Kareem’s horrified face, before fading out.

We cut to a great feast. All the lords of the realm are there. At each table, enormous pies are set out for the lords to eat. At one of the tables, Lord robusk and Lord ashamael are having a heated argument with Lord amerk1180 over a plate of spaghetti. Next to them, Lord Brad of the Longest and Tallest House is sleeping right through the disagreement. At another table, Sir jcred5 has a quill and parchment and is getting ready to time everyone’s speeches. On a tree branch above him, the Three Eyed Bird, Larry from Bostonia, is perched and watching the event. To the side, Sir Kareem is standing watch over the festivities with a sour disposition. Next to him is Sir Amare of House Sun. Aside from Sir Kareem, Sir Amare is the only knight of the City Watch who has chosen to wear goggles instead of the traditional visor.

Sir Amare: “Captain, I am so excited that I will get to still serve with you again under Lord dskantor. It is such a privilege to see you in action. I am sure we can do better than 6th this time.”

Sir Kareem: “I was the best knight of the SAVAGE war. Everyone thought so. When King Kinoa, 1st of his name, and his Lord Hand, dh555, named me as Captain of the Gold Cloaks, it was the proudest moment of my life. I remember everything about that day. What am I to do now Sir Amare? Fight in a tourney for some lord I have never heard of? I am meant to protect this city. It is the only purpose I have ever known.”

Sir Amare: “My Captain, we shall win this tournament. Not for Lord dskantor, but for you. We will prove that you are not too old, that you are still the best knight in the realm.”

The seven knights of the King’s Guard walk past. Leading the way is the broad and gigantic figure, Sir Shaq, the Mountain who Rides.

Sir Kareem: “Lord Commander Shaq, fine day for a feast isn’t it?”

Lord Commander Shaq mumbles: “Mmblvrmblm.” and keeps walking. His fellow kingsguard knights follow him in silence.

Sir Kareem turns back to Sir Amare: “The Lord Commander may not be one for talking, but he’s one of the best this realm has seen. I look forward to challenging him in the tournament.”

Lord Amare: “I once fought beside him for House Sun in a tourney years ago. He seems to be in much better shape now.”

A lord from one of the tables approaches. There is nothing distinguishable about him, but he greets the Captain as if they are old friends.

Lord dskantor: “Sir Kareem, I am Lord dskantor. I was overjoyed when I was able to select you to serve me in this tournament. I have heard all about your exploits in the first SAVAGE War.”

Sir Amare: “My Lord, I am on your team too!”

Lord dskantor: “Sir Kareem, I have heard all about your legendary ‘Sky Hook’ sword technique. I cannot wait to see you in action.”

Just then we hear the sound of silverware against a goblet, and the Hand of the King, Lord dh555, stands up to address the lords gathered.

Lord dh555: “Lords of the realm, we are gathered here today to celebrate the coronation of our future King! But before that can take place, we must battle to see who is most worthy of that crown. We must see who amongst us is the best, who amongst us can survive the chaos and disorder that is the SAVAGE tournament. bds9992, please pass out the wine to our guests. None for me today. Also, special shout out to Lord dBKC, for today is his motherf*cking birthday!”

At a far table, Lord dBKC smiles and holds up a piece of cake. Behind him, Sir Chef Curry looks on with a scowl.

Lord dh555: “Lords, this tournament shall be like none other this realm has ever known. Preliminary rounds shall last six weeks. Then, we shall have five great final tournaments held, with the winners sparring off until only one remains. Whoever amongst you shall reign victorious shall be named the next King of the SAVAGE LANDS.”

Just then, we hear loud choking sounds and to the side we see Lord samuelyork93 holding his throat, pieces of pie crumbling out of his mouth. His face starts to turn purple. Next to him lord copernicus starts to hit him on the back, but then suddenly grabs at his own throat. The two lords choke in unison as the rest of the lords and knights gathered there rush towards them in horror.

Somebody yells to get a medic, and jcred5 hurries off quickly, exclaiming: “I’ll go get Dr. J.”

Lord samuelyork93 and then Lord copernicus collapse onto the ground. They are dead.

Sir Kareem is watching the scene in horror. He looks at the pie in front of the two Lords. Nothing seems out of place. Then he notices the overturned wine goblets next to it. As he looks up, he sees Lord pharrop from across the crowd, slowly raising his own wine goblet to his lips. Sir Kareem wastes no time and quickly draws his sword. He raises it above his head in a swooping motion and as the sword gets to the very top of his reach, he releases it. The crowd watches in awe as the sword makes a perfect arc directly towards pharrop. It slices the wine goblet right out of his hand. Everyone turns to look at Sir Kareem.

Sir Kareem: “My lords, it wasn’t the pies. It was the wine.”

He points his finger and everyone’s eyes follow to see bds9992 holding the pitcher of wine in his hands and staring at it in utter disbelief and horror.

Sir Kareem: “Knights, this man has committed the murder of two lords and a king. And worse, he has committed SIM malpractice, disorderly drafting, and hasn’t won a single tournament in 12 years. Arrest him!”

The knights of the city watch, led by Sir Amare, rush forward and place a stunned and disbelieving bds9992 in shackles as our screen goes dark and white block letters take over the screen: GAME OF ZONES.

11/1/2020 5:57 PM (edited)

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Season 2 - Episode 5: The White Cloak
Upon a dark background, white block letters say ‘PREVIOUSLY ON GAME OF ZONES’. The Os are filled in as though they are basketballs.

We hear bells ringing, and our scene opens to the Sept of Baylor the Bricklayer in King’s Landing. We hear someone say: “The King is dead! The King is dead! King Kinoa, 1st of his name is dead!”

Cut to dh555 and bds9992 talking next to the open coffin of the late King Kinoa.

dh555: “The King has been poisoned, and you seek for me to name an heir? All of the lords of the realm are suspects.”

Cut to Sir LeBron riding on a white stallion followed closely by Sir Anthony of Brow. As they approach the castle, we see seven knights in white armor standing behind the Hand of the King, dh555. One looms larger than the rest.

Sir Anthony: “They say that’s the Mountain who Rides, the Breaker of Backboards, Sir Shaq.”

Sir LeBron: “Apparently, the Kingsguard will be fighting in this tourney as well. Not that it matters. If I had been among them, the King would still be alive.”

Cut to the Captain of the Gold Cloaks, Sir Kareem, standing by Sir Amare as the seven knights of the kingsguard pass.

Sir Kareem: “Lord Commander Shaq, fine day for a feast isn’t it?”

Lord Commander Shaq mumbles: “Mmblvrmblm.” and keeps walking. His fellow kingsguard knights follow him in silence.

Sir Kareem turns back to Sir Amare: “The Lord Commander may not be one for talking, but he’s one of the best this realm has seen. I look forward to challenging him in the tournament.”

Lord Amare: “I once fought beside him for House Sun in a tourney years ago. He seems to be in much better shape now.”

Cut to Lord samuelyork93 holding his throat, pieces of pie crumbling out of his mouth. His face starts to turn purple. Next to him lord copernicus starts to hit him on the back, but then suddenly grabs at his own throat. They both collapse onto the ground. They are dead.

Sir Kareem is pointing his finger at bds9992 who is holding a pitcher of wine in his hands and staring at it in utter disbelief and horror.

Sir Kareem: “Knights, this man has committed the murder of two lords and a king. And worse, he has committed SIM malpractice, disorderly drafting, and hasn’t won a single tournament in 12 years. Arrest him!”

The screen darkens to black and we see a disclaimer in white letters appear: ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS CARTOON, EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE, ARE FICTIONAL AND ALL VOICES ARE OBVIOUSLY IMPERSONATED. The letters disappear and new letters take its place: GAME OF ZONES. The Os are basketballs. These letters too disappear and a cartoon knight is seen dribbling a basketball between his legs next to new letters: SEASON 2 - EPISODE 5: The White Cloak.

Scene opens to the Hand of the King, Lord dh555 walking up the stairs of the Sept of Baylor the Bricklayer. He opens the ornate doors at the top of the stairs and walks inside. In the middle of the sept, underneath the lofty dome made of plexiglass there is a stepped marble bier where the late King Kinoa rests. Standing vigil next to it is the Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, Sir Shaq. He is wearing the all white armor and cloak of the kingsguard knights, his helm tucked beneath an arm, and is staring intently at the closed coffin. Lord dh555 approaches and bows his head.

Lord dh555: “Lord Commander, I was not expecting to see you here.”

Sir Shaq: “Mmblvrmbll.”

Lord dh555: “You know it feels like just yesterday you were crushing skulls and breaking backboards in the first SAVAGE War. I’ll never forget it. Only Sir Kareem was better. Those were the days eh?” He claps Sir Shaq on the back.

Sir Shaq: “Rmmblvrmblvrm.”

Lord dh555: “I had never seen a lord like King Kinoa before. Perfect attack plans, knew how to command his troops. And after the war? Never before has a king like him ruled the SAVAGE LANDS. Never before has this realm seen peace. The day he was poisoned…” He shakes his head, and fights back tears, before composing himself. “We got him. We got the bastard who did this. If I have my way, bds9992 will be executed for regicide.”

Sir Shaq: “Plbrmvrblmprl.”

Lord dh555: “There will be a trial of course. I’d love to have you testify, but… well, you know.”

Sir Shaq: “Mmblvrtmblprmbldrm.”

Lord dh555: “Exactly.” He claps Sir Shaq on the back once more, then walks towards the great doors, He opens them, but then turns around.

Lord dh555: “You know Sir Shaq, sometimes I wonder what great mysteries lie in that massive head of yours.”

As the Lord Hand exits the sept, chuckling to himself, we focus in on Sir Shaq’s face. He turns back to the coffin and resumes staring at it intently. We hear Sir Shaq’s voice, though he does not move his lips.

{King Kinoa, who could have possibly wanted you dead? The realm was at peace for the first time since before the SAVAGE War. Who could have stood to gain?}

Sir Shaq raises his hand and starts stroking his goatee.

{bds9992 certainly looks guilty, and I know the Hand is convinced, but it makes no sense. How could bds9992 have defeated you, the greatest king the SAVAGE LANDS have ever known? He’s never defeated anyone!}

Sir Shaq looks around the sept to make sure no one can hear his thoughts.

{What about Lords pexetera and dBKC? Everyone had thought that Lord pexetera would win the first SAVAGE War and become king. But you handily defeated him in two great battles. Does he hold a grudge? And Lord dBKC had been so close to the throne, does he harbor you ill will? And what is with all these motherf*cking birthday cakes. I don’t trust him.}

Sir Shaq leans in and starts thinking very softly to the coffin.

{I had first thought it may have been my own Lord ashamael. He had been acting so suspiciously around me. Then it became clear as to why. He had no intention of being my lord. He had traded me to Lord 24kpyrite. I know, right? For some knight pretending to be me no less. Brains like that, I’m not certain he has the wits to pull off regicide. Unless… was I getting too close to the truth? Did Lord ashamael send me away so I wouldn’t uncover a secret? I will have to ponder this.}

Sir Shaq tilts his head and looks skywards for a few moments before looking again at the coffin.

{Or what about that Captain of the Gold Cloaks, Sir Kareem? Everyone always called him the best knight of the first SAVAGE War, but it was me, Sir Shaq, not Sir Kareem who won the final battle for you, my King. I saw the disappointment and anger in his face that day of the feast. He didn’t want to be removed from the City Watch. And now that he has saved the day he gets to keep his post. He was so quick to point the finger at bds9992. Why? And it had been he who was first to realize the wine was poisoned!}

Sir Shaq clenches his fists and furrows his eyebrows.

{And what about Lords samuelyork93 and copernicus? Did they discover the truth? Is that why they were killed? And pharrop? Was he to be killed as well? Or was the wine meant for every lord in attendance? Who could be that SAVAGE?}

Sir Shaq shakes his massive head.

{It is all too much for my massive head, beloved King. Oh, how I wish you were still here to guide me. Things will never be the same as in the SAVAGE War when I rode out with my brothers in your name. Oh, Sir Clyde, Sir Bobby, how I miss them. Even Sir Kyrie, and his crazy theories about the world being flat and dragons existing. Ha! My new teammates are simply not to their standards, Your Grace. Sir Hassan the White keeps trying to take over my position. Sir Draymond the Green keeps kicking everyone on the practice court, and Sir Damian the Bard? He is the worst. Always singing a song. And none of them can ever understand me.}

Sir Shaq puts up his hands in prayer.

{I let you down my King. I should have been good enough to save you. It should be me lying there with you standing over. King Kinoa, I vow to track down your true killer. I will avenge you, my King. Please, send me a sign, anything.}

The camera zooms back slowly from Sir Shaq’s face and we see that from high above the Three Eyed Bird from Bostonia is watching. We zoom in on the Bird’s face to see its wispy blond mustache and bad haircut.

Cut to the practice courtyard where Lord 24kpyrite’s knights are practicing together. Sir Shaq is holding off Sir Hassan and Sir Draymond with a long greatsword that looks too heavy for any one man to hold. Of to the side Sir Damian the Bard is playing a violin and singing:

“There was a great feast, the Hand made a speech,
Two lords, they choked on a pie,
But the Captain said that’s not why they died,
T’was bds that poisoned their wine.”

Sir Draymond: “Will you stop singing that damned song?” He faints high with his sword and then aims a low kick at Sir Shaq who steps nimbly away before whacking Sir Hassan with the back of his own sword, knocking him to the ground.

Sir Damian: “Sir Draymond, you know I have much love for you, but I truly cannot stand you in the practice courtyard. Too much talking, all the time. You should be focusing on your swordplay.”

Sir Draymond: “You’re one to talk! You’re always playing that damned violin and focusing on your music instead of your own swordplay.” He drops his sword and aims a spinning kick at Sir Shaq’s back, but the massive knight is too quick for Sir Draymond. Sir Shaq dodges the kick and brings his shield down on Sir Draymond’s helm, knocking him to the ground next to Sir Hassan. We hear applause coming from the side of the courtyard.

Lord 24kpyrite: “Sir Shaq, well fought! I am so pleased to have acquired your services from lord ashamael. And all it cost me was that knight who always pretends to be you. Ha! Do you think you can lead this house to victory in the tournament? Who do you think will be our greatest challengers?”

Sir Shaq: “Plblmrbl.”

Lord 24kpyrite: “... er... well okay then.”

Just then, something white falls from the sky and onto Sir Shaq’s great helm, splattering both himself and Lord 24kpyrite.

Lord 24kpyrite: “Ahhhh!”

Sir Shaq: “Blplmrvl!”

Both heads turn to the sky. Wings flap and the Three Eyed Bird soars to the end of the courtyard and perches on Lord dh555’s shoulder. It turns to look straight at Sir Shaq. The camera zooms in on its third eye in the middle of its forehead as our screen goes dark and white block letters take over the screen: GAME OF ZONES.

8/13/2020 1:42 PM (edited)

benhoidal

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Season 2 - Episode 6: The Practice Courtyard
Upon a dark background, white block letters say ‘PREVIOUSLY ON GAME OF ZONES’. The Os are filled in as though they are basketballs.

Scene opens to the Hand of the King, Lord dh555 addressing a crowd of lords and knights.

Lord dh555: “Knights of the realm. Today begins the greatest tourney the SAVAGE LANDS have ever known. Honor and glory await you.”

Cut to Sir LeBron riding on a white stallion followed closely by Sir Anthony of Brow.

Sir Anthony of Brow: “Oh and look, two knights from the Eyrie are riding in now, Sir Michael of Jordan and Sir Kareem, the Captain of the Gold Cloaks. They say that up in the Mountains of the Moon, they teach incredible swordplay.

Cut to swords being drawn and the selection of knights being made known. It is the fifth pick and Lord ashamael walks to the front of the crowd. He points behind him to the Lord Commander of the Kingsguard. “Give me Sir Shaq.” The camera zooms away and we see an open window in the highest tower of the Red Keep. Looking out with unblinking eyes full of determination and loathing, is Sir Michael of Jordan.

The screen darkens to black and we see a disclaimer in white letters appear: ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS CARTOON, EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE, ARE FICTIONAL AND ALL VOICES ARE OBVIOUSLY IMPERSONATED. The letters disappear and new letters take its place: GAME OF ZONES. The Os are basketballs. These letters too disappear and a cartoon knight is seen dribbling a basketball between his legs next to new letters: SEASON 2 - EPISODE 6: The Practice Courtyard

Scene opens to the practice courtyard where knights fighting for all the lords of the realm are getting ready for the tournament to start on the morrow. The clang of swords upon shields rings through the courtyard as we take in the scene. On one end, Sir Karl the Sitemail Man is sparring with Sir Gary the Gloved Knight, while Sir Shuttlesworth is practicing his archery. Nearby, Sir Charles of the Round Mound is panting, hands on his knees, as Sir Steve runs around whacking him with his practice sword.

On the other end of the courtyard we see a knight wearing custom red, black, and white boots sparring against three other knights. We zoom in closer and we see that it is Sir Michael of Jordan facing off against Sir Marion, Sir Millsap, and Sir Unseld. Sir Michael has an outraged look on his face and is on the attack, constantly bashing his teammates with blows. As he hits Sir Marion in the chest with his sword, knocking him down, we hear him yell, “Take that Sir LeBron!” He whacks Sir Millsap in the back, crumbling him to his knees. “Take that Sir Wilt!” He blocks a blow from Sir Unseld with his sword and then headbutts the broad knight in the face, collapsing him to the ground. “Sir Stephen! You are weak. If I fought against the knights you do, I would slay 40 a night!” He walks over calmly to the first of his slain teammates and says: “Sir Kareem, fellow knight of the Eyrie, taken before me twice now, no mercy shall be given!” He kicks him in the chest and Sir Marion groans in pain. He proceeds over to Sir Millsap who has released his grip on his sword and is curled up on the fetal position. Sir Michael takes the flat edge of his sword and gives two sharp thwacks to his back. “Sir Shaq, you never could win a tourney until I retired. Twice!” Finally, he makes his way to Sir Unseld, who has removed his dented helm. “Please your Airness Sir, mercy! We’re teammates! We serve the same lord!” Sir Michael’s temporary calmness disappears and a look of loathing replaces it. “I’m making you better!!!” He takes his sword and drives the point straight down.

The screen goes dark for a few moments and white block letters take over the screen: RIP Sir Unseld.

Our image comes back and we zoom in on a sideline bench behind the fighters. We see Sir Pau sitting alone, his armor scraped and beaten. His helm is sitting next to him, dented in multiple places. A lone tear runs down his despondent face. Sir Brent and Sir Jon approach looking equally beaten as they sit down on either side next to Sir Pau.

Sir Pau: “I don’t know if I can take it anymore Sir Brent, Sir Jon. I mean, I’m used to the beatings and verbal assaults. I squired for Sir Kobe the Black Mamba after all. But this? Sir Michael is relentless. Constant beatings, making us bow and calling him His Airness, tampering with my armor and sword to give him an advantage. Did you know he punched me in the face during our practice bout the other day? Said it would help us get along.”

Sir Brent looks over Sir Pau’s shoulder and locks eyes with Sir Jon. “Our father, Sir Rick, used to give us daily beatings to make us better too. Then one day, he left us, and we had to teach ourselves.”

Sir Jon: “I think we need Sir Michael to leave us in a similar fashion.”

Sir Pau looks from one brother to the other. “What are you saying?”

Just then Sir Michael walks over. “Knight’s gather your swords, it’s time for another fi...practice.”

Sir Pau stands up and takes a step towards Sir Michael. Sir Brent and Sir Jon stand up behind him. Sir Pau unsheathes his sword and throws it in the ground in front of him. “We will not fight for you anymore Sir Michael. Not unless you change your leadership style. We are tired of your beatings.”

Sir Michael laughs. “I don’t need you Sir Pau, I didn’t even want you in the first place. I was hoping Lord tarheel would choose Sir Kwame instead of you. That’s what I would have done. My leadership style led to six tourney championships. I am the greatest tourney knight of all time.” He points to the other side of the courtyard. “If you want to lose this tournament, go over there and practice with Sir Malone or Sir Charles.”

He turns around and places his hands around his mouth. He loudly shouts, “Sir Charles!”

Sir Charles of the Round Mound is trying to hit Sir Steve with his sword, but keeps missing. When he hears Sir Michael he stops and turns around. Sir Steve takes the opportunity to whack him with his own sword.

Sir Charles: “Oww! Yes Sir Michael?”

Sir Michael: “You’re a loser. You’ve always been a loser!”

Sir Michael turns back around to his teammates. Over his shoulder, we see Sir Charles drop his head dejectedly.

Sir Michael: “These so called lords of the SAVAGE LANDS have no respect for greatness. My former lord during the SAVAGE War had the audacity to tell me the other day that not only am I considered worse than Sir LeBron, but at least four other knights as well. He told me he regretted drafting me last time and would not do it again. I poisoned his pie at the feast for that and do you know what he did? He died!!! Took another lord out with him too.” Sir Michael laughs maniacally. “Do you know how I reacted when my pie was poisoned years ago? I defeated 38 knights in the tourney that evening. My leadership style is the only thing that gives weak knights like yourselves a chance at glory. If you have a problem with that… well… pick up your swords. If you defeat me, you can run this team your way. If I defeat you… well, I can win this tourney without you.”

Sir Pau looks over at Sir Brent, who nods at him. Then he looks over at Sir Jon, who likewise bows his head. Sir Pau walks forth and grabs his sword by the hilt. Sir Brent and Sir Jon unsheathe their own swords. Behind Sir Jordan, Sir Marion and Sir Millsap struggle to their feet, but manage to recover their own weapons. The five knights converge on Sir Michael in unison, grim looks on their faces. Sir Michael smirks.

Our screen goes dark and for a few seconds all we hear are the screams and cries of Sir Michael’s fallen teammates. White block letters take over the screen: GAME OF ZONES.

8/15/2020 5:06 PM (edited)

benhoidal

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Season 2 - Episode 7: Tourney Day
Upon a dark background, white block letters say ‘PREVIOUSLY ON GAME OF ZONES’. The Os are filled in as though they are basketballs.

Scene opens to a horde of knights on horses surrounding the Hand of the King, Lord dh555. All of the knights ride up to hear what he has to say. Behind him stands the Kingsguard, the seven knights who were sworn to protect King Kinoa and will be sworn to the next king. One knight looms larger than the rest.

We zoom in on Sir LeBron who is riding a beautiful white stallion. Behind him, Sir Anthony of Brow rides up to his side.

Sir Anthony: “They say that’s the Mountain who Rides, the Breaker of Backboards, Sir Shaq.”

Sir LeBron: “Apparently, the Kingsguard will be fighting in this tourney as well. Not that it matters. If I had been among them, the King would still be alive.”

We cut to the center of the Sept of Baylor the Bricklayer where Sir Shaq is standing vigil next to the bier of the late King Kinoa. We zoom in on Sir Shaq who is staring intensely at the coffin. We hear Sir Shaq’s voice, though he does not move his lips.

{Things will never be the same as in the SAVAGE War when I rode out with my brothers in your name. Oh, Sir Clyde, Sir Bobby, how I miss them. Even Sir Kyrie, and his crazy theories about the world being flat and dragons existing. Ha!}

The screen darkens to black and we see a disclaimer in white letters appear: ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS CARTOON, EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE, ARE FICTIONAL AND ALL VOICES ARE OBVIOUSLY IMPERSONATED. The letters disappear and new letters take its place: GAME OF ZONES. The Os are basketballs. These letters too disappear and a cartoon knight is seen dribbling a basketball between his legs next to new letters: SEASON 2 - EPISODE 7: Tourney Day

Scene opens to Sir Kyrie, formerly of the kingsguard. He is dressed in shiny new white armor and is fighting a massive emerald dragon with enormous wings. The dragon opens his mouth and a river of fire pours out. Sir Kyrie leaps high above the dragon’s head, higher than should be possible. After a series of fancy swordplay that doesn’t seem to do anything, we cut to Sir Kyrie riding the dragon. We hear a shout from below, and Sir Kyrie steers the dragon into a steep dive. A beautiful maiden has fallen off the edge of the world! Sir Kyrie reaches out, but can’t quite reach her outstretched hand. His arm starts to grow, extending outward farther and farther until finally it wraps around the maiden and lifts her onto the dragon’s back. Sir Kyrie pulls on the reins and they pull out of the dive at the last second. We cut to the Sept of Baylor the Bricklayer where Sir Kyrie and the maiden are getting married. The dragon behind them is officiating. “I vow to hold on to you like Sir Kobe holds onto his sword. I will love you like Sir Melo loves using contested midrange sword thrusts. I promise to be as loyal to you as Sir Duncan was to House Spurs. I vow to provide for you like Sir Stockton or Sir Nash provided extra swords for Sir Malone and Sir Amare. I will protect you like Sir Rudy protects his castle. I promise to give you as many sons and daughters as Sir Kemp has given.” We cut to Sir Kyrie ascending the throne as King after winning the Hand’s tournament, not for his lord Sir ashamael, but for himself. The dragon is there, holding a crown out over Sir Kyrie’s head, and it opens its mouth to say, “All Hail King Kyrie! The greatest artist with a blade this realm has ever known!” The crowd is full of adoring fans all shouting, “Kyrie! Kyrie! Kyrie!”

“Kyrie! Kyrie! Kyrie!”

Sir Kyrie opens his eyes and we find him lying on a modest bed made of blankets in a spacious tent. The tent is adorned with the purple and light blue colors of House ashamael. Standing over Sir Kyrie is Sir Clyde who is wearing an exotic fur pelt over his armor. His helm has a specially made wide brim on it, and his smile is stretching from ear to ear.

Sir Clyde: “Sir Kyrie! Today is tourney day!”

Sir Kyrie: “Sir Clyde, how many times do I have to tell you not to wake me when I’m dreaming?”

Sir Clyde: “I know, I know, but today is tourney day! We have our first bout this morning, a chance to win glory for our new lord!”

Sir Kyrie: “I thought you loved our old lord, King Kinoa?”

Sir Clyde: “It was a great honor to serve King Kinoa, the greatest king the SAVAGE LANDS have ever known. But I am most delighted to fight for Lord ashamael. He is so clever!”

Sir Kyrie: “Why do you think that? He basically just copied King Kinoa’s Kingsguard in the draft?”

Sir Clyde: “I know! How brilliant! We are all such great compliments to Lord Commander Shaq! We all fit around him so perfectly! I am so thrilled to be fighting by his side once again. I can’t imagine fighting with a different leader.”

Sir Kyrie: “I can. I hate having to adjust my swordplay to fit in with Sir Shaq.”

Sir Clyde: “Come Sir Kyrie. Let’s get you fitted in your armor. I have some fascinating furs I can furbish you with.”

Sir Kyrie gets out of bed and follows Sir Clyde out of their tent and to another larger tent. They walk in and see that the rest of House ashamael is getting ready for the tourney. Sir Kemba is sharpening his sword. Sir Bridges is polishing his shield. Sir JaVale is putting on his armor backwards.

Sir Clyde: “The gang is back together! Guys, I can’t wait to fight alongside you once more. Together with Sir Shaq, we are sure to rule the SAVAGE LANDS once more as the Kingsguard to our new Lord ashamael! Where is the fearsome Lord Commander anyways?”

Sir JaVale: “I saw him and Lord ashamael walk out to the godswood together. I can lead you there if you’d like?”

Sir Kyrie: “I’ll lead, I don’t like to follow.”

Sir Clyde and Sir JaVale follow Sir Kyrie to the godswood. Colossal trees of maple tower over them as they walk along. Sir Kyrie wanders off the beaten path, but Sir Clyde and Sir JaVale follow it through the trees without him.

Sir JaVale: “These are the trees that are used to construct the floors for the courtyards we will be fighting on in the tournament. Sometimes, I swear I can see the faces of the Old Gods of the SIM in the trees themselves.”

Sir Clyde: “Do you come through here to pray often?”

Sir JaVale: “Oh yes. I come here every day and every night to pray to the Old Gods of the Sim. They are crueler and harsher than your holy seven, more numerous. They are all old friends of mine.”

Sir Clyde: “And what do you pray for when you are here in the godswood?”

Sir JaVale: “Many things. I pray for luck in the tournament today. I pray for the lords and ladies of the realm to laugh at someone else for once. Most of all, I pray for the Lord Commander to be traded.”

Sir Clyde stops in his tracks, an astonished expression on his face. “You what? How could you wish for such a thing? The Lord Commander led us through the SAVAGE War. He led us to glory and fame. Under his command, we rose to the highest stations in the land. How could you want him gone?”

Sir JaVale turns back to look Sir Clyde in the eyes. “Sir Shaq is the meanest knight in all the realm. Every time I put on my armor backwards or grabbed a wooden sword instead of iron, it was always ‘Mmblmvrm’ this and ‘Plmblrbmbl” that. He would point and laugh every time I did something wrong. It got to the point where I was so afraid to do anything. So I came here and prayed instead. Today it seems that my prayers have finally been answered.”

Sir Clyde: “Wh… What ever do you mean?”

Sir JaVale turns back around and pushes through some branches and into a clearing. An enormous bone white weirwood tree with blood red leaves stands in the center of the clearing. A face is carved in the bark. Lounging against the trunk of the great tree is a tall knight decked in the purple and light blue armor of House ashamael. He is wearing a large great helm and has a gigantic longsword strapped to his back.

Sir Clyde rushes over to the knight. “Sir Shaq, Lord Commander, I am so relieved to find you here. I am thrilled to fight alongside you once more. Wait, where are your four rings? The ones you won in tourneys of yore? You aren’t wearing any of them!”

The knight reaches up to remove his helm. As he does, a loud sound emits from the knight’s backside. The face under the helm becomes clear.

Sir Clyde: “You are not my Lord Commander!”

Sir Dwight pulls out a red cape with a yellow S on the back and puts it on over his armor. He gives Sir Clyde his cheesiest smile.

Sir Dwight: “Sir Shaq has been traded. The real Superknight is on your team now.”

We zoom in on Sir Clyde’s horrified face as our screen goes black and white block letters take over the screen: GAME OF ZONES.

8/16/2020 10:36 PM (edited)

benhoidal

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Season 2 - Episode 8: The Sitemail Man
Upon a dark background, white block letters say ‘PREVIOUSLY ON GAME OF ZONES’. The Os are filled in as though they are basketballs.

Scene opens to the practice courtyard where knights fighting for all the lords of the realm are getting ready for the tournament to start on the morrow. The clang of swords upon shields rings through the courtyard as we take in the scene. On one end, Sir Karl the Sitemail Man is sparring with Sir Gary the Gloved Knight, while Sir Shuttlesworth is practicing his archery. Nearby, Sir Charles of the Round Mound is panting, hands on his knees, as Sir Steve runs around whacking him with his practice sword.

Cut to the Tower of the Hand where dh555 is seated in an ornate chair behind a large desk. On the floor is a massive circular rug in the shape of a basketball. The rug is white and the lines of the basketball are blue. In the middle are three large fives in red. On the walls are great murals depicting the events of the first SAVAGE war. dh555 is holding a wine glass in one hand and a pen in the other. He is scribbling on some official document. We hear a knock on the door. Lord dh555 calmly folds his paper and sets it inside a drawer.

The camera zooms in on the closed drawer and we hear Lord dh555 say, “Come in.”

The screen darkens to black and we see a disclaimer in white letters appear: ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS CARTOON, EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE, ARE FICTIONAL AND ALL VOICES ARE OBVIOUSLY IMPERSONATED. The letters disappear and new letters take its place: GAME OF ZONES. The Os are basketballs. These letters too disappear and a cartoon knight is seen dribbling a basketball between his legs next to new letters: SEASON 2 - EPISODE 8: The Sitemail Man

Scene opens to a stairwell curved around a giant white weirwood tree in the center of the tallest tower in the city. The lighting near the bottom of the tree is dim, but we can see a hooded figure slowly climbing the steps. The tree seems to go on and on, and as our camera rises to see the canopy, the screen lightens as light from the windows at the top of the tower streams in. There are ravens filling every branch and flying around the tree. Some are black ravens, and some are white ravens from the Great Salt Lake in western Westeros. Some of the ravens are carrying letters in their claws. The hooded figure reaches the top step and enters a platform that surrounds the tree near the top. He takes off his hood and we see that it is Sir Karl the Sitemail Man. Sir Karl walks over to the nearest branch and starts untying a sitemail from the leg of a white raven.

Sir Karl: “What do you have for me today John? I know I haven’t been around as much lately. I’ve been training night and day for the tournament. But these sitemails still have to get sent. Let’s see. Looks like more people upset at the Spaghetti Lord. I know his ravens always arrive late, but shouldn’t we cut him some slack? He’s sending them all the way from Essos after all. This Lord Amerk seems particularly unhinged about it. Here, take this.”

Sir Karl quickly scribbles a note onto some parchment and attaches it to John the raven’s leg. “Let’s just remind him one more time about the importance of sitemail proxies. Off you go now, find the Spaghetti Lord.”

Sir Karl walks to another branch and starts untying a sitemail from another white raven. “How are you doing today Jeff? Terrible weather outside ain’t it? Well, you know what they say? Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow can keep me from delivering sitemails. Let’s just hope there’s no Sunday fights in this tourney. Alright, let’s see. Young maiden claiming that I’m her father? Let’s just rip this one up, Jeff. No need to tell anyone about this now. Maybe if she becomes a distinguished knight in a few years we can reconnect.”

Sir Karl grabs another sitemail from a raven on the same branch. “Ahh, another sitemail from Sir Charles of the Round Mound. Tell me Greg, does that knight ever shut up? Let’s see what he has to say this time shall we?”

Sir Karl reads the letter aloud to his raven friends.

“To Sir Carl, The Snailmail Man,

My fellow ringless warrior, I challenge you to duel for the right to be named the greatest nite to have never won a townament. I’m sure you are as tired of losing to nites like Sir Michael as I am. One of us needs victery. Of course, it will be me who is victeryous. Tonite at Midnite. The practice courtyard. See you there.

Sir Charles”

Sir Karl looks over at Greg the Raven. “I guess I will have to get my armor ready and my sword sharpened. Sir Charles has more talent to be sure, but he’s lazy. My hard work should give me the easy victory.”

Sir Karl leaves to go over to another branch and passes a heap of unopened sitemails that have built up from the bottom floor all the way to the top of the tower. As two more ravens fly in the open window and drop sitemails on the pile, Sir Karl turns to look at them.

“Poor bds. Sitemail upon sitemail, each one longer than the last, going into intricate detail as to why he is innocent of his crimes. No one even bothers to read them anymore. Everyone knows he is guilty. The Captain caught him red handed at the Malice of the Chalice.”

Sir Karl walks over to another branch where a cluster of white ravens have gathered. He breaks into a wide grin and eagerly starts untying the sitemails from one of the ravens. “Alright Jerry, sitemails from my very own teammates! I can never resist. Okay, let’s see. Wedding invitation from Sir Kris. Medic appointments for Sir Victor and Sir Michael the Red. Sir Gary wants to commission more mailed gloves for the tourney. Divorce papers from Sir Kris. That marriage was even quicker than the last one. What’s this?”

Sir Karl furrows his brow and peers more closely at one of the sitemails. He reads it out loud to his raven friends.

“To His Airness, Sir Michael of Jordan,

I have done as you requested and taken out the knees of two of my teammates, Sir Victor and Sir Michael the Red. It was easier than expected as the knees of both knights provided little resistance. I will now focus my efforts on compromising Sir Gary the Gloved Knight and Sir Karl the Sitemail Man. Can you ask your Lord tarheel once more if I can join your team? I know you have a couple vacancies that just opened up.

Humbly yours,

_____Sir Oakley”

Sir Karl looks up at Jerry the Raven in concern. “I guess I will have to keep an eye on Sir Oakley, won’t I Jerry? I should have known he was traitorous. Always following Sir Michael around like a lost puppy. Better let Sir Gary know too. Maybe we will have to plan for an accident to befall him.”

Sir Karl walks over to a branch where a particularly tall white raven is perched. He begins untying the sitemail that is tied around its ankle. “Mark, I hope you have better news for me. Let’s see. Hmm, an unsigned letter. That’s strange. What do you have to tell me? ‘No one suspects my involvement. Lords distracted by tournament. Still tying up loose ends. Need a fall guy. Thinking bds9992.’ What is this???”

Sir Karl looks up from the letter and over at Mark the Raven. “What does this mean Mark? Is bds9992 innocent? Did someone set him up? I have to tell someone!”

Sir Karl takes two quick strides towards the stairs and starts to go down, but stops on the top step. He looks back down at the letters in his hands and turns towards his ravens. “Who sent this letter? If whoever wrote this had the means to kill the king, what else are they capable of? If I tell people about this sitemail, am I next?” Sir Karl thinks for a moment, then tears up the sitemail. The pieces fall to the floor. “I must never tell anyone about this. This stays between us.”

Sir Karl looks down at the sitemail he just ripped up and then back at his ravens. “I better go get suited up for the fight against Sir Charles. Forget you ever saw that sitemail!”

Sir Karl heads down the stairs in a rush and we zoom in on the torn pieces of sitemail on the platform. Then our screen goes black and white block letters take over the screen: GAME OF ZONES.

8/26/2020 3:40 PM (edited)

benhoidal

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Season 2 - Episode 9: The Ringless Knights
Upon a dark background, white block letters say ‘PREVIOUSLY ON GAME OF ZONES’. The Os are filled in as though they are basketballs.

Scene opens to the practice courtyard where knights fighting for all the lords of the realm are getting ready for the tournament. The clang of swords upon shields rings through the courtyard as we take in the scene. On one end, Sir Karl the Sitemail Man is sparring with Sir Gary the Gloved Knight. Nearby, Sir Charles of the Round Mound is panting, hands on his knees, as Sir Steve runs around whacking him with his practice sword.

Cut to the ravenry where Sir Karl the Sitemail man can be seen untying a sitemail from a white raven.

“I have taken out the knees of two of my teammates, Sir Victor and Sir Michael the Red. I will now focus my efforts on compromising Sir Gary the Gloved Knight and Sir Karl the Sitemail Man.

Sir Oakley”

Sir Karl looks up at Jerry the Raven in concern. “ I should have known he was traitorous. Always following Sir Michael around like a lost puppy. Better let Sir Gary know too. Maybe we will have to plan for an accident to befall him.”

Cut to Sir Karl untying another sitemail off of the leg of a different white raven and unraveling the message. “Ahh, another sitemail from Sir Charles of the Round Mound. Tell me Greg, does that knight ever shut up? Let’s see what he has to say this time shall we?”

Sir Karl reads the letter aloud to his raven friends.

“To Sir Carl, The Snailmail Man,

My fellow ringless warrior, I challenge you to duel for the right to be named the greatest nite to have never won a townament. I’m sure you are as tired of losing to nites like Sir Michael as I am. One of us needs victery. Of course, it will be me who is victeryous. Tonite at Midnite. The practice courtyard. See you there.

Sir Charles”

Sir Karl looks over at Greg the Raven. “I guess I will have to get my armor ready and my sword sharpened. Sir Charles has more talent to be sure, but he’s lazy. My hard work should give me the easy victory.”

The screen darkens to black and we see a disclaimer in white letters appear: ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS CARTOON, EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE, ARE FICTIONAL AND ALL VOICES ARE OBVIOUSLY IMPERSONATED. The letters disappear and new letters take its place: GAME OF ZONES. The Os are basketballs. These letters too disappear and a cartoon knight is seen dribbling a basketball between his legs next to new letters: SEASON 2 - EPISODE 9: The Ringless Knights

Scene opens to a full moon upon a pitch black sky. We hear the murmur of voices below and the camera follows the light from the moon to the practice courtyard. Nearby a table is set up and knights are gathered round. At the head of the table we see Sir Michael of Jordan with a quill and parchment. Next to him are his remaining teammates, Sir T.J., Sir Kyle, Sir D’Angelo, Sir Gordon, and Sir Melo.

Sir Michael: “Alright, anyone want action on Sir Karl? I’m going to parlay Sir Charles winning the bout with Sir Karl getting the first strike. 1000 gold coins. Side bet 100 gold coins for each time Sir Charles takes a snack break. Let’s add-on an over/under 2.5 racial slurs from Sir Karl. I’m taking the over for 250 gold coins. Juice is 5 gold coins for all bets. Anyone want to throw bones before the fight starts?”

Near the gambling table, Sir Gary the Gloved Knight is helping Sir Karl the Sitemail man get ready for the fight. Their teammates are all in the stands behind them. Sir Victor and Sir Michael the Red are holding crutches and sitting next to Sir Kris who is wearing his best furs and looking bitter. The only one not in attendance is Sir Oakley, who is over by the gambling table and sitting next to Sir Michael. We hear Sir Gary tell Sir Karl, “Let him wear himself out. His weak *** won’t last five minutes.”

On the other side of the practice courtyard, Sir Charles is struggling to fit into his armor as Sir Steve attempts to shove his helm on his head. Behind them, their teammates have gathered. We overhear Sir Steve tell Sir Charles, “Get inside his defenses. You’re unstoppable there. Don’t settle for outside strikes.”

We hear the sound of a horn and Sir Gary and Sir Steve head out to mid-court where Sir Embiid is waiting. Sir Embiid puts the horn down and turns towards Sir Gary. “Alright knights, you know the rules. 3 points for a headshot, 2 points for a strike to the body. 1 point for a hit on a limb. First to 21, win by two.”

Sir Embiid does a 180 degree turn and faces Sir Steve. “As the seconds to Sir Karl and Sir Charles you will have to step in if either knight is injured to the point they cannot carry on before either knight reaches 21.”

Sir Gary scowls at Sir Steve. “You think you can land even a single hit on me you little smurf?”

Sir Steve flips his hair to the side. “I could get a three point head shot against you whenever I’d like.”

The two seconds return to their respective benches and Sir Karl and Sir Charles approach mid-court. Sir Karl arrives first with Sir Charles resting halfway to catch his breath. Sir Embiid does a 180 degree turn to face Sir Karl. “And he calls me lazy!”

When Sir Charles arrives at mid-court, the two knights gingerly touch the tips of their swords and the fight begins. Sir Charles bull rushes Sir Karl and gets a quick inside strike. Sir Embiid holds up two fingers. The next couple of strikes from each knight are parried, before Sir Charles strikes again with a body blow followed by a swipe to the arm of Sir Karl. Sir Charles backs off, tilts his head in the air and yells, “AND ONE!” Over by the scoreboard at the end of the courtyard, Sir Mookie puts a 5 on the board for Sir Charles.

Sir Karl advances on Sir Charles who is now panting and slightly hunched over. Sir Karl brings his sword down and Sir Charles raises his own to parry. At the last second, Sir Karl rolls his blade and it slips by to whack Sir Charles on the shoulder. Sir Shuttlesworth puts a 2 on the board for Sir Karl. Sir Charles tries a swipe at the head of Sir Karl, but the three point shot whiffs badly as Sir Karl ducks and rolls his blade again at the body of Sir Charles. The scoreboard reads 5-4, advantage to Sir Charles.

Over by the bench of Lord goetz, 93rd of his name, Sir Murphy yells out, “Stop trying three point shots Chuck! Leave those for me and Sir Steve!” Sir Charles looks over and nods his head. He manages to get inside Sir Karl’s defenses and lands his sword upon the chest of Sir Karl for two points. As he does this, Sir Karl rolls his sword around Sir Charles’s shield to land two points for himself. The scoreboard reads 7-6, advantage to Sir Charles.

Over by the bench of Lord mikee, 1st of his name, Sir Victor and Sir Michael the Red each raise a crutch in the air as Sir Enes yells out, “He can’t stop the roll Sir Karl!” He turns to Sir Victor and Sir Michael the Red. “Seriously. How are you supposed to stop a roll attack? Or any attack for that matter? Where’s Sir Gary? He always seems to know the correct defensive techniques.”

Sir Charles bull rushes Sir Karl once more, but Sir Karl parries, rolls his sword again and whacks Sir Charles across his back. Sir Charles roars in anguish and turns back to Sir Karl. “Is that… the only… attack… you have?” Sir Charles wildly swings his sword at Sir Karl’s head, but Sir Karl calmly ducks, rolls his sword, and connects with Sir Charles stomach. “Why do anything else, when you can’t stop my roll?” The scoreboard reads 10-7, advantage to Sir Karl.

Over by the gambling table, Sir Gary has joined the fray. Sir Michael of Jordan is scowling, having lost all his bets so far. He is now focusing on the dice being tossed by Sir T.J. who rolls a four and a three. Sir Michael bangs his fist on the table. Sir T.J. whimpers next to him. “Sorry your Airness, Sir.” Sir Michael stares daggers at Sir T.J. unblinking. “Throw ‘em again, you midget.” Sir T.J. throws the dice once more and this time they land on a five and a two. Sir Michael lets out a scream of anguish, flips the table, and punches Sir T.J. in the face, knocking him to the ground.

Sir Gary smiles briefly before turning to Sir Michael. “Hey, why don’t you pick on someone your own size.” Sir T.J. looks up from the ground at Sir Gary. “Thank you, Sir.” Sir Gary looks down distastefully. “You won’t even be in the league next season.”

Sir Michael tilts his head back and screams once more before taking out his dagger and stabbing Sir Oakley in the striking arm. As Sir Oakley crumbles to the ground, Sir Michael turns to Sir Gary. “He big enough for you?” Sir Gary smirks and walks back to his team’s bench as Sir Michael collects all the coins on the ground. He pauses to thrust his sword downward through Sir T.J. We hear him mutter as he bounds away, “This ought to cover at least a couple of those debts.”

Back in the center of the courtyard, Sir Karl rolls his sword around Sir Charles’s shield once more and lands a body blow. This time however, Sir Charles is able to trap Sir Karl’s sword against his body with the shield and deliver three quick strikes to the chest of Sir Karl. He then winds up and swings erratically at Sir Karl’s head. Sir Karl ducks and detangles his sword. We look up at the scoreboard. It reads 13-12, advantage Sir Charles.

Over on the sideline, Sir Steve is shaking his head. “Why does he keep going for that three point shot? He’s never going to hit it.” Sir Murphy responds, “He hasn’t missed a two point attack all game. If he just stopped trying threes he would win easily.”

We see the two swords meet and Sir Karl is able to roll his blade and strike Sir Charles once more. Sir Charles roars and charges, smashing Sir Malone with his shield and getting in a quick inside strike as Sir Karl stumbles to the ground. Sir Charles raises his sword and brings down a finishing blow, but Sir Karl rolls his body to the side and the strike hits the ground harmlessly. Sir Karl is able to roll his blade once more around the shield for mid-range two pointer. The scoreboard reads 16-15 Sir Karl.

Sir Gary has rejoined his squad over on the sideline. He leans over to Sir Kris and says, “Has Sir Karl destroyed that fat *** yet? And no, I’m not talking about your ex-wife.” Sir Kris scowls and turns to Sir Gary. “Sir Karl has taken the lead actually. I was a little worried after he fell down 5-0, but he is making a nice comeback.” Sir Gary smirks. “Everyone likes a good comeback story huh Kris?”

At midcourt, swords clash once again. Sir Charles lands a slash to the arm of Sir Karl. He then dodges a counterstrike and lands a blow on the other arm of Sir Karl. He takes a swipe at Sir Karl’s head, but misses the three point attempt badly. Sir Karl dodges easily, presses his own attack, rolls his sword around Sir Charles’s shield, and lands two points against the broad midsection of Sir Charles. The portly knight responds by slamming Sir Karl with his shield and then bringing his sword down upon the chest of the Sitemail Man. The camera cuts to the scoreboard where Sir Mookie is placing a 19 for Sir Charles to give him a one point lead.

Sir Steve shouts from the sideline, “Only two points away! Get inside and finish this!”

Sir Charles nods, and promptly launches an errant swipe at Sir Karl’s head. Sir Karl rolls his sword and connects once more with a body shot. Sir Charles bull rushes Sir Karl and their shields collide with a loud thud that knocks them both backwards a step, their shields flying out of their hands. Sir Charles slashes his sword and Sir Karl doesn’t bother to defend it as it connects with his body. Sir Karl slashes with his own sword and lands a body blow of his own. The two knights trade inside attacks back and forth, neither one bothering to defend the other. The camera widens to include the scoreboard. Sir Mookie and Sir Shuttlesworth are frantically trying to keep up with the action. Each knight goes up by one point, only for the other knight to take the lead a moment later. We zoom in on the scoreboard as the point tallies continue to go up by twos, neither knight gaining more than a one point advantage. Two pointer after two pointer is added to the board as our screen goes black and white block letters take over the screen: GAME OF ZONES

10/1/2020 11:16 AM (edited)

benhoidal

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Season 2 - Episode 10: The Perfect Knight
Upon a dark background, white block letters say ‘PREVIOUSLY ON GAME OF ZONES’. The Os are filled in as though they are basketballs.

Scene opens to Lord dh555 addressing a crowd of lords and knights.

Lord dh555: “Knights of the realm. Today begins the greatest tourney the SAVAGE LANDS have ever known. Honor and glory await you.”

Cut to Sir Clyde who is wearing an exotic fur pelt over his armor. His helm has a specially made wide brim on it, and his smile is stretching from ear to ear. He emphatically tells his teammates, “Today is tourney day!”

The screen darkens to black and we see a disclaimer in white letters appear: ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS CARTOON, EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE, ARE FICTIONAL AND ALL VOICES ARE OBVIOUSLY IMPERSONATED. The letters disappear and new letters take its place: GAME OF ZONES. The Os are basketballs. These letters too disappear and a cartoon knight is seen dribbling a basketball between his legs next to new letters: SEASON 2 - EPISODE 10: The Perfect Knight

Scene opens to a large red and white tent with a massive red maple leaf adorning the side. We hear the murmur of voices coming from inside the tent and our camera zooms in on the tent flap before entering. Inside, Sir Chris Paul, third of his name, is standing fully armored aside from his helm. Next to him is Lord mptrey who is as angry as he has ever been and is berating Sir Chris Paul.

“Excuse me, Sir Chris Paul, Sir. You were supposed to help me win the kerfuffles and to improve on my 6th place finish in the SAVAGE War. We are still in 6th place. If you don’t mind me asking, Sir Chris Paul, what’s that aboot, eh?”

Sir Chris Paul opens the tent flap and sticks his head outside quickly, checking to make sure he’s not overheard. He ducks his head back in and approaches Lord mptrey.

Sir Chris Paul: “My Lord, the secret weapon is almost ready.”

Lord mptrey: “Is this the weapon that is suppoosed to help us win all the kerfuffles, eh?”

Sir Chris Paul: “Yes, my Lord. I am told that this weapon is being designed specifically to complement my fighting style in every way possible. We will be unstoppable in the courtyard once we can start it up.”

Lord mptrey: “And when will that be, eh? We cannot keep dwindling in mediocrity. Lord ashamael, author of the usage scrolls, predicted us as his dark horse to win the whole toornament after all.”

Sir Chris Paul: “Soon, My Lord. Maester Hoiberg has promised the weapon will be ready on the morrow.”

Cut to a dark spiral staircase winding down into a narrow hallway. Sir Chris Paul is walking slowly and holding out a lantern in front of him. From the light off the lantern we see we are in the Black Cells of the Red Keep. As he walks down the hall, we see that most of the cells are empty, however one near the middle is occupied by a short unkempt man who seems to be talking to himself. Sir Chris Paul passes with only a quick glance and makes his way to the very last cell. This one is not locked like the others and Sir Chris Paul gently pushes open the gate to enter a tiny room with a lone table in the middle. On top of the table is a humanoid figure covered with a white sheet. Next to the table is a slightly stooped man in tattered robes.

Sir Chris Paul approaches the table and lowers the lantern slightly. “Maester Hoiberg, our Lord grows impatient. When will the weapon be ready?” The figure takes off his hood to reveal a baby faced man with straw hair. “It’s Mayor Hoiberg actually.” Sir Chris Paul frowns. “You’re not a maester? But you wear their robes?” Mayor Hoiberg points to his chest. “No maester chain. I was stripped of it and my title by Archmaesters Gar and Pax.”

Mayor Hoiberg lifts the front of the sheet up and Sir Chris Paul leans over to see what lies underneath. Whatever is on the table is hidden from the camera. “I think it is ready Sir Chris Paul. The perfect weapon to compliment you on the battlefield. None shall stand a chance against Lord mptrey now.”

Our screen goes black for a few seconds. We hear a monotonous voice say, “Who am I?”

A sequence of green 1s and 0s flood our screen in a grid formation. In the middle of the grid, some of the numbers become letters spelling out, SIR KAWHI. The same monotonous voice says, “Where am I?”

A second later light fills our screen and we see the main courtyard of the Red Keep. It is early morning and knights from all over the realm are gathering to begin their first of two daily bouts. Over on one of the practice courtyards next to the main tourney courtyard, Sir Karl the Sitemail Man and Sir Charles of the Round Mound are locked in their endless duel for the right to be named the best knight with no rings. Nearby their teammates have fallen asleep on their benches. They have been joined by Lord Brad of the Longest and Tallest House. Green letters show up on our screen once more. Battle Courtyard. 9/1 AM. Sir Kawhi looks down and we see two long arms covered in chainmail and armor extending outward and ending in clawed metal hands. We hear his monotonous thoughts once more. “Why am I here?”

He looks to the right and we see Sir Chris Paul, Mayor Hoiberg, and Lord mptrey. Sir Chris Paul and Mayor Hoiberg are looking at him with delight, but Lord mptrey looks concerned.

Lord mptrey: “Mayor Hoiberg, I don’t know how I feel about having a robot fight for me, eh?”

Mayor Hoiberg: “My Lord. Sir Kawhi here is the perfect complement to Sir Chris Paul’s fighting style. Defense? Check. efg%? Check? Low turnovers and fouls? Check. Rebounding? Check. Assists? Well Sir Chris Paul already has that covered; no need for more of those. Sir Kawhi, what is your mission?”

Green letters fill our screen. SEARCH: PRIMARY PROGRAMMING OBJECTIVE

We hear Sir Kawhi say, “Get boards, get paid.”

Sir Chris Paul: “I can get behind that.” He holds out his fist. Sir Kawhi turns his head to look at the extended fist.

Green letters fill our screen. SEARCH: APPROPRIATE REACTION TO CLOSED FIST

Sir Kawhi turns away from Sir Chris Paul.

Mayor Hoiberg: “Sir Kawhi has the most efficient sensory system, an advanced targeting computer, and top of the line security measures to lock-down any opponent.”

Green letters fill our screen. SEARCH: HUMAN EXPRESSIONS

Sir Kawhi: “What it do baby?”

Lord mptrey: “Alright, well what do you say Sir Kawhi? Why should I trust you in battle? Are you ready to fight for me, eh?”

Green letters fill our screen. SEARCH: AFFIRMATIVE RESPONSES

We hear Sir Kawhi’s monotonous voice say, “I’m a fun guy.” Something that someone somewhere may interpret as a laugh is emitted as well.

Sir Chris Paul punches the air and gives a “Whoooop!” He turns towards Sir Kawhi. “Well, Sir Kawhi, finally I have the perfect teammate to win this tournament with. Let’s go win this thing."

Sir Chris Paul starts for the center of the courtyard and Sir Kawhi mechanically follows. After taking three steps our image fades to black and we hear the sound of an engine powering down. We hear Mayor Hoiberg cry out, “Oh no, I forgot to give him enough minutes!” White block letters take over the screen: GAME OF ZONES

8/31/2020 10:51 PM (edited)

benhoidal

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Season 2 - Episode 11: “SPAGHETTIIIII!!!!!”
Upon a dark background, white block letters say ‘PREVIOUSLY ON GAME OF ZONES’. The Os are filled in as though they are basketballs.

Scene opens to Sir Steph Curry standing on the practice courtyard holding two swords and looking stern as Sir Kemp approaches. “You are late.” He tosses one of the wooden blades to Sir Shawn, who drops it. “Tomorrow, you will catch it.”

Sir Kemp: “I got delayed by the Spaghetti Lord.”

Cut to a great feast. All the lords of the realm are there. At each table, enormous pies are set out for the lords to eat. At one of the tables, Lord robusk and Lord ashamael are having a heated argument with Lord amerk1180 over a plate of spaghetti. Next to them, Lord Brad of the Longest and Tallest House is sleeping right through the disagreement.

Cut to Sir Karl the Sitemail man up in the ravenry. He has untied a sitemail from the leg of a raven and is reading it aloud. “Let’s see. Looks like more people upset at the Spaghetti Lord. I know his ravens always arrive late, but shouldn’t we cut him some slack? He’s sending them all the way from Essos after all. This Lord Amerk seems particularly unhinged about it.”

The screen darkens to black and we see a disclaimer in white letters appear: ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS CARTOON, EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE, ARE FICTIONAL AND ALL VOICES ARE OBVIOUSLY IMPERSONATED. The letters disappear and new letters take its place: GAME OF ZONES. The Os are basketballs. These letters too disappear and a cartoon knight is seen dribbling a basketball between his legs next to new letters: SEASON 2 - EPISODE 11: “SPAGHETTIIIII!!!!!”

Scene opens to the main courtyard where a group of knights are jumping up and down in celebration. We zoom in on Sir David the Tall, Sir Drummond the Wide, Sir Penny the Frail, Sir Paul the Truthfulness, and Sir Andrei: Wielder of the Mythical Hall Pass.

Sir David the Tall sheaths his sword. “We have beaten the great Lord ashamael again. Lord amerk will be proud. He is now above his rival in the standings.”

Sir Drummond the Wide: “I thought bds declared Lord ashamael as his rival?”

Sir Penny the Frail: “I think Lord ashamael has made a few rivals in this draft.” He pulls out a puppet that has his own likeness. The corners of his lips move as he says, “That’s because he’s an arrogant *******!” Sir Penny covers the doll’s mouth. “Shh, Lil’ Penny, you can’t say things like that.”

Sir Paul the Truthfulness is sitting in a wheelchair with an adapted holster for his sword. He wheels over to the rest of the group. “Ale is on me tonight boys, let’s go celebrate at the tavern!”

Sir David the Tall: “You guys should really stop drinking after every battle. Who wants to come to the sept to pray with me instead?”

His teammates all look at him with blank expressions.

Sir Andrei: “You guys have fun, I’m going to a brothel.”

We cut to the tavern where Sir Drummond, Sir Penny, and Sir Paul are all drinking. Sir Clyde and Sir Kyrie from House ashamael approach them.

Sir Clyde: “Greetings fellow knights of the realm! Well fought this evening!”

Sir Kyrie: “I couldn’t help but notice, you didn’t have your lord on the sidelines during the match. Where is Lord amerk?”

The trio glance at each other, before looking back at Sir Clyde and Sir Kyrie.

Sir Drummond: “Lord amerk hasn’t left the practice courtyard since challenging the Spaghetti Lord. He hasn’t been at a single one of our fights.”

From under the table Lil’ Penny emerges on one of Sir Penny’s hands. “That’s why we have some wins.”

Sir Penny the Frail: “Hush Lil’ Penny.”

Lil’ Penny: “What? He took last in the SAVAGE War. We’re lucky he hasn’t been around.”

Sir Penny shoves Lil’ Penny under the table. “Sorry about that. We’re working on his filter.”

Sir Kyrie: “What do you mean challenging the Spaghetti Lord. What’s that about?”

Sir Paul: “It all started during the knight selection process. There were some delays since Lord albiband, the Spaghetti Knight, had to send his selections via carrier pigeon from Essos.”

Sir Clyde: “Carrier pigeon? Don’t they use ravens over there?”

Sir Paul: “The lords of the realm all had to wait. Hours they waited, sometimes days. Finally the pigeons would arrive, **** on all the buildings, and deliver their picks to the Lord Hand. A couple lords got frustrated by this, but none more so than Lord amerk. He went on a tirade, suggesting kicking the Spaghetti Lord out of the tournament, and when others disagreed, he got particularly nasty. I believe he called your Lord ashamael by the name, assamael.”

Sir Clyde looks shocked: “He did not!”

Sir Kyrie: “I thought you were no longer a fan of our Lord after he traded the Lord Commander for Sir Dwight?”

Sir Clyde: “Well, I certainly didn’t understand that move, but Lord ashamael is a genius. He wrote the usage scrolls after all!”

Sir Kyrie: “Are we sure usage actually matters in these fights? Shouldn’t we try to think for ourselves rather than read some old scrolls? We don’t need Lord ashamael. I could lead this team better. I’m a generational leader after all.”

Sir Paul: “Lord amerk went on this long rant about how the Spaghetti Lord was wasting his time, how he had better things to do such as watch the maidens play golf.”

Sir Kyrie: “What’s golf?”

Sir Paul: “I don’t know, but Lord amerk spends a lot of time watching. Unless the foreign maidens are playing. A few lords took exception to Lord amerk, your Lord ashamael first among them. Lord cmcafeeky even called Lord amerk a jerky McJerk face.”

Sir Clyde: “But Lord cmcafeeky is one of Lord amerk’s greatest friends! He wouldn’t do that!”

Sir Paul: “It was quite the spectacle. Lords at each other's throats. But then, it happened.”

Sir Clyde: “What happened?!”

Sir Paul: “It was the Spaghetti Lord’s turn and after waiting all night, a carrier pigeon flew into the Red Keep. It flew straight for the Lord Hand, Lord dh555, but on it’s way there it took a **** right on Lord amerk’s head.”

Sir Clyde: “OH NO!”

Sir Paul: “Lord amerk drew an arrow and shot at the bird, but it missed badly. Lord dh555 read the name Sir Dana Barros aloud and the lords looked quizzically at each other. Only bds9992 thought it was a good pick. Lord amerk cried out for vengeance. He sent a raven that night to Essos, challenging the Spaghetti Lord to a duel.”

Sir Clyde: “And? Who won the duel?”

Sir Paul: “Lord amerk is still waiting in the practice courtyard. He has said he will not leave until he has been avenged. There has been no response from Essos as of yet.”

Sir Kyrie: “How do you know all this? Knights were not permitted to attend the selection process?”

Sir Paul: “Well, they don’t call me the Truth for nothing.”

Sir Kyrie: “But what is the truth? How do we know the truth isn’t a lie and the lie isn’t the truth?”

Sir Paul stands out of his wheelchair revealing he has been faking his disability the whole time. “How indeed?”

Cut to the practice courtyard. It is night time, but we can see what is happening from the light off the moon. At mid-court Sir Charles and Sir Karl are still fighting, trading two point blows back and forth. On the sidelines, their teammates are sleeping. Sir Brad of the Longest and Tallest House has joined them and has brought his own bed. Next to them we see Sir Kawhi who is powered down with a cord attached to him. Over on the other side of the courtyard, we see Lord amerk who has not calmed down since the draft and is still steaming. A carrier pigeon flies by and drops a letter down at the feet of Lord amerk. He bends down to pick it up, opens it, and reads it out loud.

“My fellow lords,
I apologize if I have slowed down the selection process. I have been stuck in my palace in Essos and have had to send my selections via pigeon. I hope this did not create any major inconvenience! I will be arriving in Westeros soon and look forward to competing against you all. Good luck to everyone! Except Lord amerk. Lord amerk… prepare to be destroyed.

The Spaghetti Lord, Lord albiband”

Lord amerk looks up from the letter with a grimace. We hear a ‘Splat!’ as our screen goes white. The next thing we see is Lord amerk covered in pigeon ****. He lets loose a guttural scream into the sky as our screen goes black and white block letters take over the screen: GAME OF ZONES. The last thing we hear is Lord amerk's cry, “SPAGHETTIIIII!!!!!”

9/2/2020 4:17 PM (edited)

benhoidal

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Season 2 - Episode 12: Good Wolf, Bad Wolf
Upon a dark background, white block letters say ‘PREVIOUSLY ON GAME OF ZONES’. The Os are filled in as though they are basketballs.

Scene opens to Sir Chris Paul walking slowly down a dark, narrow hallway and holding out a lantern in front of him. From the light off the lantern we see we are in the Black Cells of the Red Keep. As he walks down the hall, we see that most of the cells are empty, however one near the middle is occupied by a short unkempt man who seems to be talking to himself. Sir Chris Paul passes with only a quick glance.

Cut to a great feast. On the ground dead are Lords samuelyork93 and copernicus. Sir Kareem, Captain of the gold cloaks, is pointing his finger at bds9992 who is holding a pitcher of wine in his hands and staring at it in utter disbelief and horror.

Sir Kareem: “Knights, this man has committed the murder of two lords and a king. And worse, he has committed SIM malpractice, disorderly drafting, and hasn’t won a single tournament in 12 years. Arrest him!”

The screen darkens to black and we see a disclaimer in white letters appear: ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS CARTOON, EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE, ARE FICTIONAL AND ALL VOICES ARE OBVIOUSLY IMPERSONATED. The letters disappear and new letters take its place: GAME OF ZONES. The Os are basketballs. These letters too disappear and a cartoon knight is seen dribbling a basketball between his legs next to new letters: SEASON 2 - EPISODE 12: Good Wolf, Bad Wolf

Scene opens to a dark and grimy dungeon cell with no windows. Red tally marks adorn the walls. Littered over the floor are hundreds of unread sitemails. In the center of the room we see a short unkempt man, unshaven with long dark hair covering his eyes. As we zoom in closer, we see that it is bds9992. He is muttering to himself, and we can hear a few things he is saying. “Sir Cheeks at Power Forward? Sir LeBron at Center? I’m so close, I can taste it. The magical SIM recipe that will finally get me my Lordship.”

The air shimmers next to him and we see a mirror image of bds9992 appear. The copy is clean and looks exactly as bds9992 did prior to his arrest. The original blinks his eyes and shakes his head, but the copy is still there.

bds9992: “wh...wh...who are you?”

The copy looks down at its new hands in delight. “I’m bds92.”

bds9992: “My alias? How are you here? How are you real?”

bds92: “You’ve written so many sitemails that certain lords have stopped reading your letters. I’m here to help you.”

bds9992: “Help me how? Can you get me out of here? Write to the Hand, Lord dh555. I’m innocent. He must know this. He will set me free!”

bds92: “The Hand is not what he seems. No, I have written to Lords amerk and cmcafeeky. They defended you during the selection process when you took Sir Westbrook. They are your only chance. I have managed to get both of them as judges in your trial.”

bds9992: “Who else will be there to judge me?”

bds92: “I have heard that the Hand has appointed Lord robusk as lead referee. He is viewed as the most impartial, only caring about the facts.”

bds9992: “Facts, such as the more rebounding you have, the less turnovers you have?”

bds92: “No. As to the other judges, I believe that the Lord Hand will be there himself along with lords benhoidal and dBKC. There are also rumors that the ancient warlock Seble will be the seventh judge.”

bds9992: “As long as Lord ashamael isn’t there, I should be fine.”

bds92 disappears with a pop and bds9992 looks around frantically. Suddenly the air shimmers once more, this time over his right shoulder, and a tiny angel appears. It is wearing the white cloak of the Kingsguard and beneath its golden halo we see that it has the face of Lord ashamael.

bds9992 scowls: “My arch-nemesis.”

Lord ashamael: “Are you sure you know what that word means?”

bds9992: “What are you doing here?”

Lord ashamael: “I got a sitemail from a bds92. I’m here to offer some advice.”

bds9992: “Why would you do that?”

Lord ashamael: “Even after all our back and forth, I am rooting for you.”

bds9992: “Will you finally admit that Sir Cheeks and Sir Westbrook were good picks?”

Lord ashamael: “No. They weren’t.”

bds9992: “But Sir Cheeks has been my greatest defender in the tournament thus far. He has been blocking every attack the other knights have attempted. Just say you were wrong.”

Lord ashamael: “Never.”

bds9992: “Well, what’s your advice then?”

Lord ashamael: “Demand a trial by combat.”

bds9992: “But I’ve never won a battle!”

Lord ashamael: “You have the greatest knight in the realm, Sir LeBron, in your service. Name him as your champion.”

bds9992: “I don’t know. I feel like a regular trial is safer. I am innocent after all.”

Lord ashamael sighs and tilts his head forward to look at bds9992’s other shoulder. “Well I tried. Your turn.”

bds9992: “Whose turn? Who are you talking to?”

The air over bds9992’s left shoulder starts to shimmer and a tiny red devil pops onto the screen. It has a spindly and pointed tail and is carrying an elongated pitchfork. It is wearing the robes of a red priest and beneath its pointed horns we see the face of Lord benhoidal.

Lord benhoidal: “Trial by combat is your only chance. I have seen your trial in my flames. It will not end well.”

bds9992: “But I am innocent! Surely they won’t condemn an innocent man!”

Lord ashamael: “Are you immune to logic and reason? If you stand trial, you will be sentenced to death. The lords of this realm need someone to blame for the king’s demise and you are their perfect scapegoat. Trial by combat is the only way.”

bds9992: “Aren’t you two supposed to disagree on everything?”

Lord benhoidal: “Actually, ash and I agree on almost everything.”

Lord ashamael: “No, we are very different. Just look at our different colored robes!”

Lord benhoidal reaches around bds9992’s neck and lifts the bottom of Lord ashamael’s white cloak to reveal the robes of a red priest underneath. “You just took that white cloak from one of your players, didn’t you?”

bds9992: “Which player does the cloak belong to?”

Lord benhoidal: “Who knows? His whole team was a part of King Kinoa’s kingsguard. It could have been from any of them.”

Lord ashamael: “King Kinoa actually copied my strategies.”

bds9992: “I’m sure you must be first in the standings then?”

Lord ashamael scowls: “You just don’t know when to quit do you? You want all this to be over?” He spreads his hands wide and indicates the jail cell. “All you have to do to make all this go away is just stop starting things.”

bds9992: “I just make comments in general that have nothing to do with you. All you have to do is agree to disagree.”

Lord ashamael: “You called me your arch nemesis as soon as I showed up. How is that not starting things?”

bds9992: “Just pretend I said whatever you want me to have said and let’s leave it there.”

Lord ashamael: “You just have to get the last word, don’t you?”

bds9992: “No.”

Lord ashamael: “Yes you do.”

bds9992: “No I don’t”

ashamael: “Ugh, stop making stupid comments and I will stop responding to you.”

bds9992: “I’m not going to stop, and neither are you.”

Lord ashamael: “How do you know this?”

bds9992: “That’s what I do. I drink and I know things.”

Lord ashamael: “What kind of things could you possibly know?”

bds9992: “I know that Sir Ayton will be better than Sir Doncic.”

Lord benhoidal: “Alright that’s enough. Look, they’re coming soon. Remember, trial by combat is your only chance.”

bds9992: “Who’s coming?”

We hear a menacing growl and Lord ashamael and Lord benhoidal disappear with a loud pop. Growling at the bars of the cell, spittle flying through, is a massive wolf. bds9992 frantically backs away.

“Down Crunch. Come here boy.”

The wolf backs away from the bars, but its teeth are still barred. Behind him, a towering knight fully decked in armor apart from his helm emerges. It is Sir Garnett of House pexetera. He pets the wolf on the head and it rolls over. Sir Garnett starts rubbing its belly.

bds9992: “Wh… wh… what is that thing? It is far too big to be a wolf!”

Sir Garnett: “Crunch here is a legendary Timberwolf. Most tourney knights think they’re extinct. They never show up around tournament time, you see. I’ve had this one since it was just a pup and I was just a young boy. We’ve been through a lot together, me and Crunch. I had to leave him up north for a few winters while I fought in some tournaments with the Shamrock Knights, but I always knew I’d come back for him. I would never have finished my career as a knight without returning home.”

“Will you stop with all that soft, sentimental ****?!”

Footsteps sound down the hall and another knight emerges. This knight is also fully armored except for his helm. We see the distinctive low fade with short twists that can only belong to Sir Jimmy. He is carrying his sword in one hand and a whip in the other. Crunch the Timberwolf immediately gets to its feet and cowers behind Sir Garnett.

Sir Jimmy: “You're always coddling that damned wolf. When I lived up north we just had a big cat to play with. He would always try and act like a wolf, but he was too soft. Never thought you would be soft, Sir Garnett? Lord pexetera is always raving about how he likes your intensity so much more than that of Sir Barkley, and here I find you cuddling that damn wolf and playing nice with the prisoner.”

Sir Garnett: “Sir Jimmy. Why you demanded to leave the north, I will never know. It may be cold there, but it is home.”

Sir Jimmy: “Your home, maybe. If Maester Thibs had never tricked me, I would never have set foot in that cursed place. The prisoner is needed upstairs. His trial is about to take place.”

bds9992: “Please! I’m innocent. I would never have harmed the king. Please let me go!”

Sir Jimmy lets loose a maniacal laugh and cracks his whip against the floor. bds9992 flinches back and Crunch whimpers softly.

Sir Garnett takes out his keys and unlocks the gate. Together, he and Sir Jimmy get bds9992 to his feet. bds9992 looks up at Sir Garnett hopefully. “Do you think they will find me innocent?”

Sir Garnett looks down at bds9992 with pity in his eyes. “Anything is possible.” Our screen goes black and white block letters take over the screen: GAME OF ZONES.

9/4/2020 12:48 PM (edited)

benhoidal

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Season 2 - Episode 13: The Trial of bds9992
Upon a dark background, white block letters say ‘PREVIOUSLY ON GAME OF ZONES’. The Os are filled in as though they are basketballs.

Scene opens to a great feast. On the ground dead are Lords samuelyork93 and copernicus. Sir Kareem, Captain of the gold cloaks, is pointing his finger at bds9992 who is holding a pitcher of wine in his hands and staring at it in utter disbelief and horror.

Sir Kareem: “Knights, this man has committed the murder of two lords and a king. And worse, he has committed SIM malpractice, disorderly drafting, and hasn’t won a single tournament in 12 years. Arrest him!”

Cut to a dark and grimy dungeon cell where we see bds9992 talking to bds92.

bds92: I have written to Lords amerk and cmcafeeky. They defended you during the selection process when you took Sir Westbrook. They are your only chance. I have managed to get both of them as judges in your trial.”

bds9992: “Who else will be there to judge me?”

bds92: “I have heard that the Hand has appointed Lord robusk as lead referee. He is viewed as the most impartial, only caring about the facts. As to the other judges, I believe that the Lord Hand will be there himself along with lords benhoidal and dBKC. There are also rumors that the ancient Grand Maester Seble will be the seventh judge.”

bds9992: “As long as Lord ashamael isn’t there, I should be fine.”

Cut to Lord ashamael who has appeared in bds9992’s vision as an angel sitting on his shoulder, and Lord benhoidal who is on the other shoulder as a devil.

Lord ashamael: “Demand a trial by combat.”

bds9992: “But I’ve never won a battle!”

Lord ashamael: “You have the greatest knight in the realm, Sir LeBron, in your service. Name him your champion.”

Lord benhoidal: “Trial by combat is your only chance. I have seen your trial in my flames. It will not end well.”

bds9992: “But I am innocent! Surely they won’t condemn an innocent man!”

The screen darkens to black and we see a disclaimer in white letters appear: ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS CARTOON, EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE, ARE FICTIONAL AND ALL VOICES ARE OBVIOUSLY IMPERSONATED. The letters disappear and new letters take its place: GAME OF ZONES. The Os are basketballs. These letters too disappear and a cartoon knight is seen dribbling a basketball between his legs next to new letters: SEASON 2 - EPISODE 13: The Trial of bds9992

Scene opens to the throne room where next to the empty throne, seven grand chairs have been set. The middle chair is occupied by Lord robusk. On his right sits Lord dh555 and next to him, Lord benhoidal. On the far end sits the decrepit form of Grand Maester Seble. To Lord robusk’s left is an empty chair. Next to it sits Lord amerk and Lord cmcafeeky. A few meters in front of the judges is a wooden box, open at the back, for the defendant. Behind it is a long aisle ending in two giant ornate doors. To each side of the courtroom the high born lords and ladies of the realm sit, eagerly awaiting events to unfold. Amongst them, Dame the Bard is playing his violin and entertaining the crowd.

“Sir Michael of Jordan was holding court,
For all Lord tarheel’s men.
But when they questioned his leadership,
He beat them again and again.”

The great doors at the end of the hall open and bds9992 is led down the aisle by Sir Garnett and Sir Jimmy. Someone from the crowd yells out, “Kingslayer!” They reach the front of the throne room and Sir Jimmy pushes bds9992 into the defendant’s box. Sir Garnett removes the shackles from his wrist.

bds9992 points at the empty chair. “Where is Lord dBKC? I was told he would be among the Seven? He’s the only one of you who has ever been nice to me!”

Lord robusk: “He asked to be excused. I believe he said it was his motherf*cking birthday. He will be replaced by Lord ashamael.”

The crowd starts to murmur and bds9992’s face goes bone white as he turns his head and we see Lord ashamael slink down the aisle. As he passes bds9992, he smirks quickly before taking his seat beside Lord robusk.

Lord robusk begins to speak and the crowd hushes. “bds9992, you stand accused of regicide. Worse than that, you have been accused of committing SIM malpractice, disorderly drafting, and never winning a single tournament in 12 years. Did you kill King Kinoa, 1st of his name?”

bds9992 shakes his head: “No. I did not. Before we start this trial thing, can I just establish some ground rules?”

Lord robusk: “You want to set rules for the trail? No. You obviously don’t get to set the rules. We will follow the rules of the seven gods of the SIM: Randomness…” The camera quickly pans over to Grand Maester Seble. “Probability…” The camera swings back to Lord robusk. “Chaos…” We pan to Lord cmcafeeky. “Usage…” We see Lord ashamael. “Disorder…” Lord dh555, Hand of the King and instigator of the SAVAGE War is shown. “Efficiency…” The camera shows Lord benhoidal. “And Self-Loathing.” The camera lingers on Lord amerk before swinging back to Lord robusk. “Each judge will ask you a set of questions and then we will decide your fate. We will start with Grand Maester Seble.”

Grand Maester Seble feebly stands. He slowly raises an arm and points at bds9992. “You are the one who questions the holy scripture, yes? Every other lord pays heed to the scroll I transcribed from the gods. The one I called the FAQ. Yet you make a mockery of it. Playing knights out of position, mismanaging minutes, refusing to train your knights in the advanced attacks. Have you even read the scripture?”

bds9992: “Yes, I’ve read all of the scrolls. Each and every one.”

Seble: “And you still haven’t won a tournament? Everything you need to win is in there.”

bds9992: “Are you sure? It seems like a lot of information is missing. Have you read my thread on rebounds plus free throws plus shots? I am pretty sure it is the gospel for winning in the SIM.”

Seble: “I have. It is pure nonsense. The FAQ is gospel!”

Lord benhoidal leans over and quietly whispers to Grand Maester Seble. “Actually, he’s right about one thing. The FAQ brings up almost as many questions as it answers.”

Seble points at bds9992: “This traitor dares to question my teachings. I vote guilty!”

Lord robusk: “Lord benhoidal, what say you?”

Lord benhoidal: “bds9992, exactly where were you when the murders took place?”

bds9992: “I was writing my manifesto on cancel culture. Surely all the ravens the other lords sent in response have gotten lost on their way back.”

Lord benhoidal: “You swear before this tribunal to have no knowledge on the deaths of these three lords?”

bds9992: “I do.”

Lord benhoidal: “Hmm… It does seem unlikely that you would be able to defeat them, especially King Kinoa. Nevertheless, I vote guilty.”

bds9992: “Wh.. wh.. what? Why?”

Lord benhoidal: “Well, because you’re beating me in the tournament of course.”

Lord robusk: “Lord Hand, dh555, what say you?”

Lord dh555: “bds9992, did you or did you not send me 34 ravens in the span of an hour’s time asking me to name you as king shortly after King Kinoa died?”

bds9992: “Well, I was kidding. Don’t you guys understand sarcasm? My God.”

Lord dh555: “You have motive, you have proven yourself guilty of SIM malpractice, and now you mock myself and the gods? I vote guilty.”

Lord robusk: “One more guilty vote and you will be sentenced to death.” He looks down the aisle. Lord ashamael is grinning maniacally. “bds9992, I may think you are a terrible lord and absurdly ridiculous with your theories on what is successful in tournaments. I have certainly become convinced you do not understand the difference between correlation and causation. But I admit to finding your riddles charming. I enjoy your tastes in the arts and at one point it could have been said that I liked you more than anyone else in the Savage Lands. I am voting not guilty.”

bds9992: “Hang on. How do we know that it is my theories that are ridiculous and not yours? I mean, wasn’t it you who said that Sir Doncic had more potential than Sir Ayton? Sir Doncic is just a taller version of Sir Harden who has already peaked.”

Lord robusk: “That take is soooooooooooooooooooooooo bad. If this is how your brain works, your teams make way more sense to me now. I won't try to use stats with you, because I know you don't understand them.”

bds9992: “Stats? Fighting isn’t done on paper. You can put away your abacus Lord robusk.”

Lord robusk: “Put away my abacus? I’m tempted to switch my vote to guilty just for suggesting such a thing.”

Lord ashamael: “Now hold on. I want to be the final guilty vote. Why don’t we take a five minute recess?”

Lord amerk: “Noooo!”

Lord ashamael: “Well, I mean it is the weekend. I’m sure many of us could use the break.”

Lord amerk: “Frankly, there is less excuse on the weekend. We should be more vigilant than ever.”

Lord robusk: “A five minute recess sounds right. Let’s reconvene in five.”

Lord amerk: “I give up! Nobody ever agrees with me. Let’s just make it a five day break and be done with it. Of course when the mighty Lord assemael or any of the other Kool Lords suggest something everyone is like, ‘Oh man, you’re so right.’ But when I say it, I get called an impatient ***.”

Lord ashamael: “Dude just have some empathy. It’s only a five minute break.”

Lord amerk: I hope you have some empathy for me when I don’t show up for my vote!”

Lord ashamael: “There’s no empathy for you. You’re a piece of ****.”

Lord amerk gets up and looks at Lord robusk: “Don’t expect me back by my vote. I will be attending the festival of the red hats.” He turns to his fellow judges. “Who wants to come with? All but the foreign lords are welcome.” Then he turns and storms out of the throne room, followed by Lord cmcafeeky.

Sir Cheeks approaches bds9992 looking dismal. “Not going well is it? You are going to be found guilty.”

bds9992: “Ha! You think so? Lord ashamael is sure to vote against me, and now with Lord amerk and Lord cmcafeeky gone, there’s no chance left. They were the only two on my side.”

Sir Cheeks: “You are going to need to make a formal plea for mercy and ask to be sent to the wall. Lord robusk has agreed to it. He will spare your life and allow you to join the Night’s Watch.”

bds9992: “Sir Cheeks, you have always been my greatest defender. Thank you.”

Sir Cheeks walks away as the trial reconvenes. Lord ashamael stands and looks at bds9992: “You are an absolute idiot who enters tournaments without all of the information, yet you try to convince others that you alone have cracked the code on how to win. You are a disgrace to this realm.”

Lord robusk: “Er… Lord ashamael, do you have a question for bds9992?”

Lord ashamael: “Umm… Did you kill the king?”

bds9992: “No.”

Lord ashamael: “Look, you can’t come to tournaments, stir up a bunch of drama, make demands of what people can and can’t talk about, cry endlessly, and then make threats. I am so sick of tournaments with you and I am so delighted to vote…”

Bds9992 cuts him off. “I wish to confess. I WISH TO CONFESS!”

Lord robusk: “You wish to confess?”

bds9992: “Yes. I am guilty. Is that what you want to hear?”

Lord robusk: “You admit you poisoned the king?”

bds9992: “No. Of that I am innocent. I am guilty of a far more monstrous crime. Speaking my mind. I tried to make nice with you. I tried to make nice with all of you.”

Lord robusk: “You are not on trial for speaking your mind.”

bds9992: “Oh yes I am. I have been on trial for that since I first came to the SAVAGE LANDS.”

Lord robusk: “Have you nothing to say in your defense?”

bds9992: “Nothing, but this. I did not do it. I did not kill King Kinoa, but I wish I had. I wish I was the monster you think I am. I wish I had enough poison for the whole lot of you. You thought Sir Iggy at point guard was extreme? Were you surprised when I took the Jester Knight, Sir Jokic in the second round? Just wait. Sir Clint at small forward. Sir LeBron at center. Sir Cheeks at the four. You'll never stop me! NEVER!"

The crowd is in an uproar.

bds9992 turns back and stares menacingly at Lord robusk. “I now know I will get no justice here, so I will let the gods decide my fate. I DEMAND TRIAL BY COMBAT!”

Ominous music sounds in the background. Lord robusk and bds9992 stare each other down as our screen goes black and white block letters take over the screen: GAME OF ZONES.

9/9/2020 4:36 PM (edited)

benhoidal

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Season 2 - Episode 14: The Three Eyed Bird
Upon a dark background, white block letters say ‘PREVIOUSLY ON GAME OF ZONES’. The Os are filled in as though they are basketballs.

Scene opens to Lord Commander Shaq staring intensely over the coffin of King Kinoa. Sir Shaq puts up his hands in prayer and we can hear what he is thinking.

{King Kinoa, I vow to track down your true killer. I will avenge you, my King. Please, send me a sign, anything.}

The camera zooms back slowly and we see that from high above the Three Eyed Bird from Bostonia is watching. We zoom in on the Bird’s face to see its wispy blond mustache and bad haircut.

Cut to the practice courtyard where Sir Shaq has just defeated Sir Whiteside and Sir Draymond. He is talking to Lord 24kpyrite when something white falls from the sky and onto Sir Shaq’s great helm, splattering both himself and Lord 24kpyrite.

Lord 24kpyrite: “Ahhhh!”

Sir Shaq: “Blplmrvl!”

Both heads turn to the sky. Wings flap and the Three Eyed Bird soars to the end of the courtyard and perches on Lord dh555’s shoulder. It turns to look straight at Sir Shaq.

The screen darkens to black and we see a disclaimer in white letters appear: ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS CARTOON, EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE, ARE FICTIONAL AND ALL VOICES ARE OBVIOUSLY IMPERSONATED. The letters disappear and new letters take its place: GAME OF ZONES. The Os are basketballs. These letters too disappear and a cartoon knight is seen dribbling a basketball between his legs next to new letters: SEASON 2 - EPISODE 14: The Three Eyed Bird

Scene opens to the Tower of the Hand where Lord dh555 is seated in an ornate chair behind a large desk. On the floor is a massive circular rug in the shape of a basketball. The rug is white and the lines of the basketball are blue. In the middle are three large fives in red. On the walls are great murals depicting the events of the first SAVAGE war. Perched on the shoulder of Lord dh555, sits the Three Eyed Bird of Bostonia. We hear a knock on the door.

Lord dh555: “Come in.”

The door opens and we see the Lord Commander of the Kingsguard.

Sir Shaq: “Mblvrblml.”

Behind him, eleven of the knights selected by Lord dh555 stream into the room. Sir Shaq looks intensely at Lord dh555 for a moment then retreats out of the room, shutting the door.

Lord dh555: “Knights, thank you for coming on such short notice.”

Sir Jason: “My Lord, I’m sorry the trial didn’t go as planned. I know how much you wanted to see bds9992 executed.”

Lord dh555: “It makes no matter. He demanded trial by combat. In order to be set free he would have to win one of the five tournaments. Little chance of that.”

Sir Tracy: “He’s actually doing quite well. He’s in second place overall and is tied for first in one of the tournaments.”

Lord dh555: “It won’t last. It’s bds9992. You know him, he’s going to do something foolish eventually. He’ll promote Sir Zelmo, or worse, let Sir Westbrook lead an attack.”

Sir Jamaal: “But My Lord, what if he actually wins?”

Lord dh555: “Well I guess if it comes down to it, we can fix it ourselves. Or maybe hire someone from the ‘No Evil’ guild.”

Sir Lawson: “My Lord, pardon my insolence, but why do you want to see him dead so badly?”

Lord dh555’s eyes gloss over. “Hmm? Umm, well… I guess I… hmm. Well, I’m sure I had my reasons.” His eyes return to normal. “Anyways, the reason I called you here. Lord pexetera is running away with the tournament again. He’ll probably falter in the final tilts as he did in the Savage War, but he’s becoming a major problem. A few others are ahead of us as well. We need to stop them. Whatever means necessary. If we can’t beat them during the tournament, we need to attack at night, target their key fighters, make them incapable of participating.”

Sir Kobe: “My Lord, I’m all for defeating them in battle, but what you are talking about is against the rules you set forth yourself. It’s against everything we stand for as knights. It is against my Mamba mentality.”

Lord dh555: “And you’re such a standup knight, huh? Who was it again that kept your little misdeed with that young maiden from going to trial?”

Sir Kobe looks down at his boots. “You, My Lord.”

Lord dh555: “I don’t have to get the courts to review your case, do I?”

Sir Kobe looks up horrified. “No, My Lord, please!”

Lord dh555: “Do not despair Sir Kobe. I only kid. Speaking of which, Sir Jason, who was it who declared you innocent in your trial with your lady wife? Or what about when you crashed your carriage after a night at the tavern? Sir Tracy, who was it who dismissed your case out of hand when that wench of yours demanded payment for your bastard? Or Sir Jamaal, when things got out of hand at that brothel? Sir Lawson, I’m sure I don’t have to start listing all of your run-ins that I have gotten you out of? I mean why do you think I selected all of you?”

The knights start fidgeting uncomfortably in front of the large desk.

Lord dh555 stands up and shoes them away. “Off with you all. Remember, any means necessary. Be as SAVAGE as you wish.”

The knights shuffle out the door and past Sir Shaq. Lord dh555 turns to the large knight. “You don’t have to guard me night and day you know. I am not the king yet.” The Three Eyed Bird on his shoulder pecks hard at Sir Shaq as if he is trying to get his attention. Sir Shaq swiftly dodges the bird, turns to Lord dh555, and mumbles, “Blrmbrgl,” before resuming his post. Lord dh555 shakes his head and re-enters the room closing the door behind him.

As he walks towards his desk, the air shimmers to his left and a shadowy figure appears. We cannot see its face, but a hand appears out of the shadows. The hand slowly twists and Lord dh555’s eyes gloss over once more.

A voice comes out from the shadows, “Lord Hand, I hear bds9992 has demanded a trial by combat.”

Lord dh555: “There was nothing I could do! But don’t worry, bds9992 is sure to lose in the tournament and when he does we can execute him then. Trust the process.”

“It makes no matter, it was all part of the plan.”

Lord dh555: “You knew he would demand a trial by combat? I don’t understand.”

“bds9992 will meet his end soon enough. Until then, the lords of this realm need to be distracted a little longer. There are still a few more loose ends to tie before our final play.”

Our camera zooms in closer on the scene. We focus in on the Three Eyed Bird of Bostonia, perched on Lord dh555’s shoulder. As we get closer and closer, its third eye gets bigger and bigger until it takes up the entire screen. Our camera is swallowed by the darkness of the eye, and everything turns black.

We cut to the trial of bds. Our camera is focused on Lord dh555. On his shoulder, perches the Three Eyed Bird. Next to him Lord benhoidal is dressed in the robes of a red priest. We hear him say, “Nevertheless, I vote guilty.”

bds9992: “Wh.. wh.. what? Why?”

Lord benhoidal: “Well, because you’re beating me in the tournament of course.”

He turns to look at Lord dh555 and smiles. The Three Eyed Bird takes a peck at him. He bats at it with his arm and slides a few feet back. Behind him, we see Sir Shaq who is glaring intensely at Lord dh555. Our camera shifts back to the Hand and we hear him say, “You have motive, you have proven yourself guilty of SIM malpractice, and now you mock myself and the gods? I vote guilty.”

The air shimmers and we cut to a hallway outside the throne room. Lord dh555 is standing alone apart from the Three Eyed Bird on his shoulder. His eyes are glossed over. We hear a voice from the shadows say, “Remember, it is imperative for bds9992 to be found guilty. If he is found innocent, the Lords may start to question how King Kinoa really died. We cannot allow them to become suspicious.”

With a pop the shadow disappears and dh555’s eyes regain their color. He begins to march towards the doors of the throne room. He passes an adjacent hallway and the camera briefly catches Sir Shaq listening with his ear to the wall. Lord dh555 does not notice him and proceeds to open the doors and enters the throne room. Inside, the throne room is packed with the lords and ladies of the realm, awaiting the trial of bds9992.

The air shimmers again and we cut to the Sept of Baylor. High in the rafters perches the Three Eyed Bird. He is looking down and we follow his gaze to see the coffin of the Late King Kinoa. Next to it, The Lord Commander, Sir Shaq, and the Hand of the King, Lord dh555 are talking to each other. We cannot hear what they are saying, but we see Lord dh555 slip a vial out from under his robes and slyly raise it to the lips of the late king while he distracts Sir Shaq.

The air shimmers and we cut to the kitchens. Lord dh555 opens the door and enters. The Three Eyed Bird is perched on his shoulder. We pass Sir Stephen, who is wearing a large chef’s hat and taking a gigantic birthday cake out of the oven. Lord dh555 pauses to look at the writing on the cake. Happy Motherf*cking Birthday Lord dBKC! “Great day for a feast, huh Sir Stephen? I didn’t know it was your lord's birthday today? I will have to give him a shoutout.” We hear Sir Stephen muttering something about everyday being a birthday. In the corner of our screen we see Sir Michael of Jordan examining a table full of the largest pies anyone has ever seen. Lord dh555 continues walking until he gets to the generously grand casks of wine that line the walls. He pauses to look over his shoulder before taking a vial out of his robes.

The air shimmers again and we are back in the tower of the Hand of the King before the feast that would later be known as the Malice of the Chalices. Lord dh555 has a quill in hand and is writing a letter. The Three Eyed Bird is flying high above. We zoom in on the letter he is writing. A few phrases stand out. I have secured the vial. Once the lords of the realm have fallen you are sure to win. Lord pharrop will be sure to pay for selecting the knights you wanted. I will make sure he gets an extra dose. We hear a knock on the door. Lord dh555 calmly folds his paper and sets it inside a drawer.

Lord dh555: “Come in.”

The air shimmers again and we are at the knight selection process. We see Lord dh555 stand up and select “The Three Eyed Bird from Bostonia.” We hear a flap of wings and the Bird swoops in and lands on his shoulder.

The air shimmers and we are in the throne room. High above, the Three Eyed Bird is flying in the rafters. At the foot of the throne, King Kinoa, 1st of his name, lies dead. Blood is pooled around him and a dagger is sticking out of his back. Next to him, the Hand of the King, Lord dh555 is pacing back and forth frantically. The air shimmers to his left and a shadow appears. We hear a voice say, “Excellent. You have done well, Lord Hand.”

Lord dh555 looks up at the shadow in despair. “What have I done? I don’t remember coming in here. Whose dagger is this? Why did I kill him? He was my friend.”

The shadowy figure moves closer. “The King is dead. Finally, the path is clear. With King Kinoa removed, no one stands in my way to the throne. I couldn’t have done it without you of course. None of the other lords trust me.”

Lord dh555: “What do I do now? I am ruined.”

The voice speaks once more: “We must cause a diversion. Keep the Lord’s attention elsewhere. Start a new Savage War. No one will suspect a thing. They all know how Savage you are.”

Lord dh555: “A new Savage War? Awesome. But what about the King?”

“I will handle that. His body will look as good as new with no sign of damage. You can claim it was poison. You will need to procure a vial of one of the Grand Maester’s poisons he keeps in his chambers and get to the body before he does. Luckily, Grand Maester Seble never graces us with his presence so we should have some time. You will need a scapegoat. I think bds9992 would be a good choice. The rest of the lords are just waiting for an opportunity to turn against him.”

The shadow turns as if to leave, before slowly spinning back to face the Hand.

“One more thing.” A red sleeve emerges from the shadow and a hand points to the ceiling. “You’re going to want to make sure you draft that damned bird so no one else finds out your secret.”

We hear a pop and the shadow dissolves. Lord dh555 looks down at the body of the late King Kinoa, and then raises his head to stare at the Three Eyed Bird above. Our camera follows his gaze and zooms in on the rafters. As the Three Eyed Bird swoops towards the camera, its third eye gets bigger and bigger until it takes up the entire screen. Our camera is swallowed by the darkness of the eye, and everything turns black. A few moments later the third eye takes up our screen again, getting smaller and smaller until we are back in the Tower of the Hand and in the present. Lord dh555 is sitting at his desk, his eyes still glossed over. To his left, the shadow is still there, shimmering in the air.

The voice from the shadows emerges one last time. “Soon, the throne will be mine. If it wasn’t for Sir Hakeem’s late fight struggles, I would have risen after the first Savage War. Now the time has come to take what is rightfully mine. We will destroy the other Lords of the Realm using this tournament as a ruse. I will emerge victorious and be crowned the Savage King.”

From out of the shadows, we see two pointed horns emerge. Underneath, the face of Lord benhoidal comes into view grinning wickedly from ear to ear. He tilts his head back and lets loose a maniacal laugh. He disappears with a pop and Lord dh555’s eyes return to normal. The blackness of the shadow Lord benhoidal left behind takes over our entire screen. White block letters fill the void: GAME OF ZONES

9/13/2020 9:05 PM (edited)

benhoidal

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Season 2 - Episode 15: All-Star Break
Upon a dark background, white block letters say ‘PREVIOUSLY ON GAME OF ZONES’. The Os are filled in as though they are basketballs.

Scene opens to a great feast. The lords of the realm are in an uproar. Lord samuelyork93 and then Lord copernicus lay dead on the ground.

Sir Kareem is watching the scene in horror. He looks at the pie in front of the two Lords. Nothing seems out of place. Then he notices the overturned wine goblets next to it. As he looks up, he sees Lord pharrop from across the crowd slowly raising his own wine goblet to his lips. Sir Kareem wastes no time and quickly draws his sword. He raises it above his head in a swooping motion and as the sword gets to the very top of his reach, he releases it. The crowd watches in awe as the sword makes a perfect arc directly towards pharrop. It slices the wine goblet right out of his hand. Everyone turns to look at Sir Kareem.

Sir Kareem: “My lords, it wasn’t the pies. It was the wine.”

Cut to a letter being written by the Hand of the King, Lord dh555. A few phrases stand out. I have secured the vial. Once the lords of the realm have fallen you are sure to win. Lord pharrop will be sure to pay for selecting the knights you wanted. I will make sure he gets an extra dose.

The screen darkens to black and we see a disclaimer in white letters appear: ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS CARTOON, EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE, ARE FICTIONAL AND ALL VOICES ARE OBVIOUSLY IMPERSONATED. The letters disappear and new letters take its place: GAME OF ZONES. The Os are basketballs. These letters too disappear and a cartoon knight is seen dribbling a basketball between his legs next to new letters: SEASON 2 - EPISODE 15: All-Star Break

Scene opens to the main fighting courtyard. Strewn about all over the ground are defeated knights. Some lay unconscious, others are tending to their wounds. In the center of the courtyard, Sir Giannis is standing over a wounded Sir Kareem.

Sir Kareem: “I saved your lord’s life at the feast. Please show mercy!”

Sir Giannis slams his shield down on top of the fallen knight.

On one sideline, the knights drafted by Lord pharrop stand in awe as Sir Giannis struts over to them. He passes them with an awkward glance and then keeps walking until he is no longer in sight.

Sir Conley turns to the rest of his team. “Wow. I’ve never seen anything like that. 50 knights all by himself. Only took him 26 minutes to defeat them all.”

Sir Nick: “No wonder he has been named ‘Best Knight’ during the last two tournaments.”

Sir Chris: “I didn’t know that Sir Giannis has won any tournaments?”

Sir Nick: “Oh no, he always loses. Never even makes the final tilts. But he’s the best on parchment.”

Behind them, Sir Kareem is being taken off the courtyard on a gurney being pulled by Dr. J.

Cut to the tavern near the main courtyard. Eleven of Lord pharrop’s knights enter through the door. Sir Giannis is not among them. In one corner Dame the Bard is entertaining a group of people.

“Mayor Hoiberg created a robot,
A fighting machine with no limits.
T’was the perfect knight in every way,
Oh no, he forgot to add minutes!”

The knights sit down at a booth near the back and the bartender brings over some pints of ale.

Sir Chris: “What was up with Sir Giannis today? Defeated Lord dskantor’s whole team by himself and just kept going. Went to the other courtyards and just started attacking everyone.”

Sir Conley: “He has been rather moody lately. Hopefully this All-Star break will cheer him up. What is an All-Star anyways?”

A shadowy figure at a nearby table starts to laugh. He is cloaked from head to toe and we cannot see his face.

Sir Conley: “And what do you find so funny Sir?”

“Oh, maybe it’s nothing. I just heard the other day that Sir Giannis will be leaving Lord pharrop’s team. He’s using the All-Star break to meet other lords and decide which one to play for.”

Sir Conley: “He would never. It’s just a rumor that has been going around. He always says how much he likes it here.”

“Maybe it’s because you always call him a freak.”

Sir Conley: “But that’s a compliment! He’s freakishly strong and fast and he conquers everyone!”

“The only thing he has conquered is the alphabet.”

Sir Conley: “You don’t know what you are talking about. Sir Giannis loves playing for Lord pharrop.”

“How is your Lord pharrop anyways?”

Sir Conley: “Not well I am afraid. Lord pharrop has been paranoid since the Malice of the Chalices. He won’t come out with us to the tavern anymore. He only drinks from his flask nowadays you see. Won’t accept any food or drink unless he prepares it himself. And now with all these rumors about Sir Giannis leaving, he’s been really distraught. They’re just rumors though. Sir Giannis would never leave us.”

“Oh really? You think with all of the super teams being formed by the other lords, that Sir Giannis will stay on a team where he is the only All-Star? You don’t find it odd, that your team is the only one with only one knight participating in the festivities?”

Sir Conley: “Many of us deserve to be All-Stars. Sir Giannis knows that. The selection committee just doesn’t understand good fighting. Look at who we have. Sir Rudy, the knight with the best defensive techniques in all the realm.”

Sir Rudy the Tall and Sir Rudy the Happy step forward, then look at each other confused.

Sir Conley: “The good one I mean.”

Sir Rudy the Happy steps back dejectedly. Sir Rudy the Tall steps forth and promptly touches everyone's mugs.

Sir Conley: “Be careful Sir Rudy. Remember what happened the last time you did that. You started the great plague. Everyone had to wear their helmets all summer long. Well, everyone did except for Lords amerk and cmcafeeky.”

Sir Rudy steps back to join the rest of the team.

Sir Conley: “Sir Rudy owns the toughest and most impenetrable shield in all the land. He forged it himself! The rumors about it falling apart in important tournaments are unfounded I can assure you. We also have Sir Manu, the Bat Slayer. The only one of us to have ever won a tournament!”

“Oh that’s right, none of the rest of you have even won a tournament before. No wonder Sir Giannis wants to leave!”

Sir Conley: “He does not! He loves playing for Lord pharrop. He loves all his teammates! We have Sir Nick, the best archer in all the land. He can make any shot with his longbow.”

“Unless he’s given four tries to hit a stationary target.”

Sir Conley: “We have Sir Chris! One of the most talented fighters in all the realm!”

“Oh yes, I remember him. Wasn’t he about to win the most prestigious tournament of the year, but he tried to take a break right near the end and his opponent knocked him off his horse?”

Sir Chris speaks up from the back: “I thought I had one break left!”

Sir Conley: “And we have me! I’m good!”

“Face it Sir Conley, Sir Giannis is leaving. All superknights eventually leave for greener pastures.”

Sir Conley looks at the stranger in despair. “He really is leaving, isn’t he?”

“Yes, unless…”

Sir Conley: “Unless what? Tell me!”

“No, it’s much too risky. You would never go for it.”

Sir Conley: “Tell me, I beg you! I just want to win one tournament. Sir Giannis is our only hope!”

“Well, I suppose if you insist. There is a way.”

The stranger produces a vial from inside his cloak. “Put two drops of this into Sir Giannis’s drink the next time you see him. One sip and Sir Giannis will never think of leaving again.”

Sir Conley takes the vial and stands up. “Oh thank you kind sir. We shall depart to see Sir Giannis right away.”

Sir Conley and the rest of pharrop’s knights stand up and depart the booth. On their way out, they pass by Dame the Bard who is still singing his song.

“Lord amerk was mad at all the delays,
And so he got rather petty.
He got **** on by birds, not once but twice,
And in the end he screamed ‘Spaghetti!’”

We zoom back in on the stranger in the booth. He takes off his hood to reveal the face of Lord dh555. Across from him on the other side of the booth, the air shimmers and another figure appears. He is wearing the robes of a red priest.

Lord benhoidal: “Well done Lord Hand. With Sir Giannis poisoned, Lord pharrop should have no chance.”

Lord dh555: “But why go after Lord pharrop? I thought we were only going after the lords ahead of you in the standings?”

Lord benhoidal takes off his hood to reveal two pointed horns protruding from his head. “Destroying the other lords is necessary for the plan, but Lord pharrop stole Sir Giannis and Rudy from me. This one is personal.”

Our screen goes black and white block letters take over the screen: GAME OF ZONES

9/18/2020 2:52 PM (edited)

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