"We are seeing Hilary continue to weaken as it approaches the West Coast, so we have high hopes that it will not cause any, um... suicides," said meteorologist Fritz McBeely to reporters. "But we must be aware, this storm is highly unpredictable and could potentially suicide anyone foolish enough to stand in its way."

Local authorities in Los Angeles have warned their people to board up windows, stack sandbags, and refuse to testify against the hurricane in a court of law in order to avoid being suicided. "The threat is real," warned McBeely.

At publishing time, several weather sources had confirmed that they are struggling to track the storm as their weather prediction servers were mysteriously drenched in bleach and smashed with a hammer overnight.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — As Hurricane Hilary looms off the shores of the Golden State, Californians are rushing to prepare by nailing plywood boards onto their tent flaps and filling sandbags to protect their Biden Housing.

Residents have been flocking to their local hardware stores and drug dealers to stock up on essentials, praying the category-four storm decreases in power before reaching their luxurious Democrat provided tarp-and-shopping-cart shanties.

"We have definitely seen an increase in customers looting plywood rather than the usual power tools," heaved one Home Depot manager while scampering around trying, unsuccessfully, to stop one of the thousands of looters. "Business sure is — huff — booming!"

San Francisco risks a unique threat due to its hilly nature. Thus, authorities have urged residents to use sandbags as a guard against potential floods of poop.

At publishing time, California Governor Gavin Newsom had passed a law requiring all outdoor retailers to stock hurricane-proof tents for looters.

CALIFORNIA — Citizens of California are holding out hope that flooding from Hurricane Hilary will wash off the massive amounts of poop clinging to the state's sidewalks.

"Fingers crossed," said Sacramento resident Kevin Ross. "Bring on the floods, baby!"

While concerned about safety, many locals believe a good, strong hurricane could be the best thing that ever happened to California. "We need a reset button," said sanitation worker Stephen Childers. "All day we scrub poop off the sidewalk, but you can't scrub fast enough. I don't want anyone to get hurt by the storm, I'm not cheering for an Old Testament-level flood - but maybe half of that would be good."

With reports coming in that the hurricane has begun to weaken, many Californians have begun work constructing dams to funnel the rainwater towards San Francisco. "The Lord is giving us a chance, now it's up to us to take it," said Bay Area woman Jessica Long. "Can you imagine being able to walk down the street and smell - well - nothing? Time to keep digging."
At publishing time, cities across California were asking residents to dump all available soap onto the streets in preparation.

CALIFORNIA — Hurricane Hilary made landfall today in California, quickly destroying tens of thousands of emails upon her arrival.

"My house is fine, but my email server -- annihilated," said San Diego resident Jim McKay. "Nature is so weird like that."

Despite weakening to a category one hurricane, Hilary still packed a vicious punch upon making landfall. "I'm ok, but the storm somehow crushed my cell phone," said local woman Alicia Gonzales. "I mean, it's like someone took a hammer to this thing. People are letting down their guard because Hilary has weakened, but she's still got power where it counts."

According to officials, the final toll of Hilary's destruction may range into the hundreds of thousands of emails. "It may be a catastrophic loss - of data, at least," said Los Angeles mayor Karen Bass. "I myself was not spared, as all e-mails relating to bribery money from USC and my friendly relations to the Castro family have been wiped out. Sad!"

At publishing time, experts reported that Hurricane Hilary's weakening was due to a southward moving tropical depression named Donald.

Chinese Energy Firm That Paid Hunter Millions Also Funded NGO That Advised UN On Climate Change, Archives Show

Posted by wylie715 on 8/22/2023 11:43:00 PM (view original):
Doug, I accidentally clicked on one of your posts. I apologize. It will not happen again. By the way, your posting style has not improved.

Posted by Lennybruce26 on 8/21/2023 11:56:00 AM (view original):
Today - August 21, 2023 - most rain in any one day in San Diego - broke record of 150 years.

First Tropical Storm in California in 84 years.

TBC