The Schwarze tournament is about to begin. That should free up our remaining owners.  Interested in having fun? 

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This theme takes a bit of study, but it's owner-friendly and commish-able too. And it's good for a sour stomach and griping at your fellow owners!

Had enough of the years and years of warps, loopholes, and skews in SLB?

Let’s fix... a lot of them

And while we’re at it, let’s play a challenging and subtle form of (pardon) “screw your neighbor,” that will actually help us simulate real MLB, too.

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THE SKINNY  ~  Here is the order of what we’ll do. It’s pretty simple:

• Join us, pick an exclusive equalizing ballpark and one non-exclusive albatross from the options below. At the same time, or very shortly thereafter, pick a fielder albatross for one prior team and a pitcher for another, according to our schedule shown below. (It’s similar to how contrarian23’s BigLenR Tribute #2 worked.) Note: The albatrosses picked for others are exclusive and can not coincide with the U-PIK list. Find someone worse!
• After you take those steps I’ll give you the league number for your draft (our blacklisted players, shown below, will be undraftable). Of course you have to draft all three of your salary suckers.
• Draft and play ball! (You can waive just one of your three albatrosses, and only after the All-Star break.)

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In order to form a more perfect sim, we hereby “correct” the following skews.  GONE are:

1. the artificial “10%” boost to batting (done via ballparks; you select one from the list below)
2. magic deadball pitchers that nullify home run hitting (we eliminate them; only post-WWII pitchers, 1946+ are allowed)
3. the artificial additives in mass produced cookies (we blacklist those with the most sugar, gluten, and hydrogenated oils)
4. some of the temptation to play fatigued players who allegedly don’t sim-fatigue enough, including burned-out pitchers that fatigue your batters! (by 5,500 fielders’ PA and 1,375 pitchers’ IP minimums, along with Below Average AAA; it should all make team management more similar to real life). Edit: Theoretically, injuries also help a mite with this.
   
5. the All-Star effect -- edit: at least some of it. While our cap is the SLB typical $80M, it should play out with more MLB-realistic results, overall

Then, a twist, well really a “screw.”  Imagine yourself the new Owner, President, and GM of a team extant in The SLB Zone… We all know it’s typical for pro sports teams to have more than one player sucking up significant salary by his contract, while not producing up to the money. I’m a Cub fan. Believe me, I know. Were going to represent this and have some “screw your neighbor” fun in doing so (think of it as “putting the screws to” a fellow player if the unfortunate term annoys you). So, sim that!

But the “albatrosses” we’ll have aren’t extreme, they’re subtle. And you don’t have to play them to the max. You just have to pay them and figure out what to do with them. Start by naming one of your own poisons!. Then other owners will assign you two more. And to make it more interesting, somehow your GM’ing expertise will afford you a way to get rid of one! In SLB terms, you’ll be able to waive one of the three after the All-Star break. (Trades are also acceptable, but we know how difficult it is to trade non-AAA players.)

1. Choose a Batting Boost Nullifier Ballpark from our list, for your exclusive home field 

All ballparks are minus in singles, maximum +1 for any other hit type, and only one kind of base-hit being +1 (both HR's count as one type, their numbers averaged together). Chronological ballpark duplicates are left in. If this works to even out pitching vs. hitting, it could even become suggestible for other themes. Why not Shea Stadium? All ballparks are negative in singles because WIS gives pitchers with better normalized ERC and ERA the ability to limit extra-base hits. Limiting singles further will even that out some.

Edit after eleven (11) teams are in:  At this point I am eliminating any further availability of as yet unchosen ballparks with:

• any mark in singles lower than -1, unless its ballpark rating is 0.94 or higher
• any ballpark rating of 0.92 or lower

These will have the "strike" mark through their names and be grayed. Explanation: Our owners thus far have bought more heavily into the tougher ballparks for batters and in keeping with the aims of the theme I don't want it to become lopsided in favor of pitchers.

 

Ballpark, Location	Exclusive Owner	Franchise	Turf	1B	2B	3B	HRLF	HRRF	PF
3Com Park, San Francisco, CA		San Francisco Giants 1996-1999	G	-1	0	-1	0	0	0.95
American League Park (II), Wash.D.C.		Washington Senators 1903-1910	G	-2	0	1	0	0	0.94
Angel Stadium, Anaheim, CA	unavailable	Anaheim Angels 2004-2014	G	-1	-1	-2	-1	-1	0.92
Astrodome, Houston, TX	BullMoose	Houston Astros 1965-1999	T	-1	0	1	-4	-4	0.89
Braves Field, Boston, MA	unavailable	Boston Braves 1915-1952	G	-1	-1	-2	-1	0	0.89
Busch Stadium (II), St. Louis, MO	ozomatli	St. Louis Cardinals 2006-2014	G	-2	-1	-1	-3	-3	0.94
Candlestick Park. San Francisco, CA		San Francisco Giants 1960-1995	G	-1	0	-1	0	0	0.95
Citi Field. Queens, NY	unavailable	New York Mets 2009-2014	G	-2	-1	1	-2	-1	0.92
Colt Stadium. Houston, TX	beauchamp	Houston Colt 45's 1962-1964	G	-2	-1	1	-1	-1	0.87
Crosley Field. Cincinnati, OH		Cincinnati Reds 1934-1970	G	-1	0	0	1	1	0.99
Jacobs Field. Cleveland, OH		Cleveland Indians 1994-2014	G	-1	0	-2	-1	-1	0.97
Lloyd Street Grounds, Milwaukee, WI	unavailable	Milwaukee Brewers 1901-1901	G	-2	0	1	0	0	0.93
Memorial Stadium, Baltimore, MD	reddtrain	Baltimore Orioles 1954-1991	G	-1	0	-2	0	0	0.92
Miller Park, Milwaukee, WI		Milwaukee Brewers 2001-2014	G	-2	0	0	1	1	0.98
Network Associates Coliseum, Oak., CA	unavailable	Oakland Athletics 2001-2014	G	-1	-2	-2	-1	-1	0.89
Oakland Coliseum, Oakland, CA	mickr9	Oakland Athletics 1968-2000	G	-1	-2	-2	-1	-1	0.89
Polo Grounds (IV), New York, NY		New York Giants 1891-1911	G	-1	1	0	-1	-1	0.98
Polo Grounds (IV), New York, NY	ItalyProf	New York Yankees 1913-1922	G	-1	1	0	-1	-1	0.98
Redland Field, Cincinnati, OH	frank_drebin	Cincinnati Reds 1912-1933	G	-1	0	0	1	1	0.99
RFK Stadium, Washington D.C.	midknight	Washington Senators 1962-1971	G	-2	-1	0	-2	-2	0.94
RFK Stadium, Washington D.C.		Washington Nationals 2005-2007	G	-2	-1	0	-2	-2	0.94
Robison Field, St. Louis, MO	tdoak	St. Louis Cardinals 1893-1920	G	-1	0	0	-1	2	0.97
Safeco Field, Seattle, WA	ArlenWilliam	Seattle Mariners 1999-2014	G	-2	-2	-1	-2	-2	0.88
Seals Stadium, San Francisco, CA		San Francisco Giants 1958-1959	G	-1	0	0	0	-1	0.93
South Side Park (III), Chicago, IL	unavailable	Chicago White Sox 1901-1910	G	-3	-1	1	0	0	0.90
Sportsman's Park (II), St. Louis, MO	unavailable	St. Louis Browns 1902-1908	G	-2	0	1	0	0	0.93
Three Rivers Stadium, Pitts'gh, PA	mattedesa	Pittsburgh Pirates 1970-2000	T	-1	1	0	0	0	1.00
Tropicana Field, St. Petersburg, FL		Tampa Bay Devil Rays 1998-2007	T	-1	0	1	0	-1	0.99
Tropicana Field, St. Petersburg, FL		Tampa Bay Rays 1998-2014	T	-1	0	1	-1	-1	0.97
Turner Field, Atlanta, GA	Trentonjoe	Atlanta Braves 1997-2014	G	-1	-1	0	-1	-1	0.95
Washington Park III, Brooklyn, NY	jfranco77	Brooklyn Dodgers 1898-1912	G	-1	0	0	-1	1	0.97
Yankee Stadium (I), New York, NY	unavailable	New York Yankees 1923-1973	G	-2	0	1	-1	-1	0.90

2. Select a Pick-Your-Poison Albatross from lists in the next two posts, either a fielder or a pitcher

These players are non-exclusive. For my fellow public school graduates, that means different owners can pick the same player for themselves, if they want. Different players have different issues. For some of these, just be thankful you don’t have to pay as much as their RL owners did; they are notable in the annals (pronounced with a short ”a”) of MLB.

Reminder:: You can’t pick any of these player/season/team permutations for other owners. Go find and pick players that are worse, for them! Maybe these will give you an idea; maybe they won’t.

Scroll down...

3.  Choose Two Subtle Screws, a.k.a. Salary Suckers, a.k.a. Albatross Assignments

Selection Rules: 

• These are exclusive player/season/team picks; if a picked player is listed more than once in a season, any other permutation(s) are still available. Edit: When you name your pick, list his season and if there is more than one version that season, name his team and PA/162 or IP/162.
  
• Salaries of all these salary sucker screw picks must be from $2M through $7M (all other players may pull any salary).
  
• All non-catcher fielders must have at least one fielding position in which he is above D- in fielding percentage and range, both.
• If a catcher albatross is chosen, he must have above D- in both fielding percentage and arm, and any catcher must come from 1901 or later (making passed balls more difficult to find) -- unless he is D or above in both fielding and range at another position.
• Edit: All pitchers in this theme, whether albatrosses or your own draftees, must be from seasons 1946 or later.
• Hints: Pickers may wish to notice the U-PIK player and the ballpark of the owners for whom they pick.
• Whether obvious or somewhat subtle, each albatross must demonstrate some distinct disadvantage(s). If necessary (I hope not) I would overrule a ringer.

I’ll break this down the way contrarian23 did:

As commish, I will be owner #1
(Eventually, I will find and pick a salary sucker fielder for team 24 and a salary sucker pitcher for team 23)
To make sure I don’t have an advantage, I’ll let sign-ups 1 and 2 pick my ballpark and my initial albatross from our list, respectively. My only restriction: no artificial turf park  for me, I hate that stuff.

Then owner #2 signs up
He selects his exclusive ballpark at sign-up
He finds and picks a salary sucker fielder for owner #1
(Eventually, he  will find and pick a salary sucker pitcher for team 24) 

Then owner #3 signs up
He selects his exclusive ballpark at sign-up
He finds and picks a salary sucker fielder for owner #2
He finds and picks a salary sucker pitcher for owner #1

Then owner #4 signs up
He finds and picks a salary sucker fielder for owner #3
He finds and picks a salary sucker pitcher for owner #2

And on it goes... I'll post a table to keep track.

Oh... and in your note and future forum fun, feel free to rub it in... they call it schadenfruede...

Lamp Shade 'n Freud

Our Blacklisted Dirty Dozen, all thirteen of them, aren't you glad?

Fielders
Gary Carter 1975
Vince Coleman 1987
Miguel Dilone 1980
Rickey Henderson 1988
Howard Johnson 1989
Tim Raines 1981
Tim Raines 1986
Bip Roberts 1992
Cy Williams 1923

Pitchers
Cisco Carlos 1967
Jack McDowell 1987
Bob Milacki 1988
Dennis Rasmussen 1992 (any)

Other Rules

• 16-team theme, 5 teams go to the playoffs (it's tournament season x 2, tough to fill even really cool themes).
• No pitcher seasons before 1946 are allowed on any teams.
• Minimum 5,500 fielders’ PA and 1,375 pitchers’ IP, which rather than dumbing down our theme, is a part of making management realistically challenging and spreading out the cash. Edit:  These minimums will continue to be the minimums during play and there is no "grace" allowed after the draft for lower totals, from what I see.
  
• Waiver wire will be active for normal use, but NONE of the THREE ALBATROSSES may be waved before the All-Star game and only ONE of the THREE ALBATROSSES may be waived afterward. Any offending team team does not qualify for the playoffs and its owner pins a Shun Me! note on his keister for future themes, for whomever notices.  :-)
• We’ll use AAA (Below Average with real names) since call-ups are a realistic part of running a team; Trades are on, including any ballplayers before trading deadline; No DH; Clones are OK since it’s The SLB Zone; No live play; Injuries are on; Random realignment; $80M cap but hopefully it will play close to real life, since we’re all strung out over our all too well paid underachievers.

If you have any questions or concerns, just let me know!

* Top endnote: To be clear-? the U-PIK albatross is not exclusive for your selection there; however, those designated U-PIKS are exclusive to any subsequent selection for the screwing of others.

No.	Owner	Ballpark	Non-Exclusive U-PIK Albatross*	Albatross Screw Fielder	Albatross Screw Pitcher	Notes
1	ArlenWilliam	Safeco Field	Bob Lemon 1947 P	Joe Carter 1990	Herm Wehmeier 1950	Thank you for making my team such a fine example. Like that Lemon fresh bat in the lineup, though.
2	mattedesa	Three Rivers Stadium	Bob Howry 2006 P	Sandy Alomar 1970	Tommy Byrne 1952	Bob can toss a couple pitches at batters with runners on base...
3	reddtrain	Memorial Stadium	Mike Marshall 1974 P	Ryan Howard 2014	Bill Wight 1948	Bill Wight? Herm Wehmeier's cousin?
4	tdoak	Robison Field	Mickey Lolich 1974 P	B.J. Upton 2014	Johnny Lindell 1953 Pirates 210 IP	Oh the humanity... in the bullpen... getting so well paid.
5	frank_drebin	Redland Field	Bob Howry 2006 P	Jim Canavan 1891, Cincinnati Kelly's Killers	Mike Hampton 2002	Canavan's silver lining: his PA/162
6	jfranco77	Washington Park III	Garret Anderson 2000 OF	John Ganzel 1901	Harry Byrd 1953	Another classic flock of albatrosses
7	BullMoose	Astrodome	Mike Marshall 1974 P	Dan Uggla 2013	Denny McLain 1971	Perhaps he was suffering some of his personal distractions by this time?
8	beauchamp	Colt Stadium	Bob Howry 2006 P	Tom Tresh 1968	Mike Hampton 2001	God bless Mike.
9	midknight	RFK Stadium '62-'71	Alex Rodriguez 2012 3B	Woody Williams 1944	Johnny Lindell 1953 Pirates 185 IP	But how many + plays will Woody get? How many double-plays will he turn at second?
10	mickr9	Oakland Coliseum	Jose Lima 2005 P	Tom Brown 1892	Mike Kekich 1971	Tom can be there in center, to juggle the balls that somehow stay in the park.
11	ozomatli	Bush Stadium (II)	Bob Howry 2006 P	Steve Balboni 1986	Derrick Turnbow 2007	How many times will Howry pickers need to play him fatigued (or just let him sit)? And your little Turnbow, too!
12	ItalyProf	Polo Grounds IV Yankees 1913-1922	Mike Marshall 1974 P	Lee Thomas 1963	(owner 14)
13	Trentonjoe	Turner Field	Jackie Hayes 1939 2B	(owner 14)
14
15
16

Awaiting three more screwy owners.

BTW, Question: Does anyone know how to keep pasted-in tables from taking up so much white space between rows?  Is it a browser thing?  I'm using Firefox. (Wish I knew why my U-PIK albatrosses tables didn't do that.)

I'll jump in as #2. 

My park: Three Rivers.

My albatross: Bob Howry.

If I understand correctly, I get to pick a park and an albatross for Arlen. 

Arlen's park: Safeco

Arlen's 1st albatross: Bob Lemon

Arlen's Fielder albatross: 1990 Joe Carter

Very nice, thanks Matt, but as I stated above, any artificial turf stadium is off limits for me (gotta have a tiny say) so please pick one with the "G" for grass. And then you can take a bit of time, but you have to pick an Albatross Fielder for Owner #1 (me, again) according to our rules for Albatross Assignments.

EDIT: Safeco, Lemon, "What is in a name?" And "Hey! Hey!" former Cub, former color man, Joe Carter... hm.... Thank you so much, Matt. Just eatin' up that OBP for Safeco. Clutch hitter though, with 115 RBI; that'll sure make the difference!

OOPS: I was supposed to have Owner #2 pick my erstwhile "U-PIK" player, but I let Owner #1 do it. He did such a stinking fine job, I'll just let it go at that.

Posted by ArlenWilliam on 5/25/2015 12:25:00 AM (view original):
Very nice, thanks Matt, but as I stated above, any artificial turf stadium is off limits for me (gotta have a tiny say) so please pick one with the "G" for grass.

Sorry - I knew I'd miss something. Park has been changed.

...and you get 1990 Joe Carter to eat up nearly $6M of your salary with his .293 OBP. 

You're quite welcome, Arlen. Maybe Carter will provide some value for you in being a "fan favorite" and a "good clubhouse guy".

I am in....will pick stuff later.

I'm in.

I'll take Mike Marshall in Memorial Stadium.

Mattedesa can have 1970 Sandy Alomar - 735 PA that you want to bat 10th. 

ArlenWilliam can have 1950 Herm Wehmeier - 241 IP for less than $4M...what a bargain!

In the inimitable style of Lawrence Welk, "Thank you boys." You are in, but I am out for a few short hours. Catch up with you again, then. Keep a goin'!


Wowie, Herm Wehmeier! I never knew he existed. I'm not sure he should have. Thank you, redtrain! I have mop-up so covered...

I'm in.  This sounds like fun.

I will take Mickey Lolich and play in Robison Field.

Back with my two screw players shortly.

For mattdesa:  Welcome aboard 1937 Wes Ferrell.  Hopefully he hits great for you at Three Rivers.

For reddtrain:  A good real-life albatross:  2014 Ryan Howard.