Hoping all is well with vilefileman, but the show must go on ...
So, evil_twin, the powers that be have asked me to step in and assign you a second team. I take this job seriously and have looked at the way your Twins and Astros combine. I also feel a little bad that you stepped in at the last minute and are still getting adjusted here, so I have decided to do you a favor.
As whalers10 noted, he didn't give you any help at 2B and I have elected to be highly magnanimous and give you a 2B. Of course, he costs $12M, so I'm not sure whether you'll really appreciate the gift. His teammates include a 1B you don't need and can't afford and a decent OF who you also don't need and likely can't afford. But then ... everyone else is terrible. The pitchers are no better than what you have already. And hardly anyone is cheap either.
I give you the 1925 St. Louis Cardinals.