JACKS ANNOUNCE MINOR LEAGUE WORKING AGREEMENTS
PORTLAND -- On vacation from his real job and truly spending far too much time on the NABCL, Portland Jacks general manager DTrain34 announced working agreements with five minor league cities this afternoon in a news conference at the "Eat Here Now" Hooters along the city's northernmost edge.
"Damn, too bad this place is part of a chain, now, and not a unique part of Portland's history like it used to be," Train said before getting down to business. "In order to avoid the boredom of thinking of all six teams in my vast domain as Portland and Portland only, I have reached agreement with the following minor league cities:"
AAA - Vancouver (WA) Volcanoes (Pacific Coast League)
AA - Gettysburg (PA) Chargers (Eastern League)
HA - Richmond (CA) Riveters (California League)
LA - Waterloo (IA) Hams (Midwest League)
Rookie - Tumwater (WA) Brewers (Northwest League)
None of the cities listed has a stadium listed as a possibility in HardBall Dynasty or has a minor league franchise in real life, but all are in the geographical area served by the league they will "join." All will stage unique promotions during Season 1.
Vancouver will serve free "lava-hot" coffee to every fan in attendance on nights when steam is visibly rising from nearby Mt. St. Helen's. Gettysburg will have more monuments beyond its outfield fence than Yankee Stadium. On opening night, Richmond will have both Samuel L. Jackson and Kenny Carter on hand to lead chants of "Rich-WHAT??? Rich-MOND!!!" Waterloo will offer half-priced admission to every laid off packing plant worker.
"Tumwater? Well, that's just in the next town over from my house," said Train. "I suppose we could have 'Out of Town Beer Night,' where fans take turns listing all the beers they WILL drink after boycotting Olympia, Miller, Henrys, Pabst... all the brands that were brewed here at various times and , leaving a huge cavernous multi-acre rat-infested vacant eyesore just blocks from Washington's State Capitol building.... but I digress."
Train also announced that the major league club's home stadium, "PGE Park," has been renamed from Portland Gas & Electric Park to "Pesky-Gunderson-Erautt Park" after the three top Oregon-born players whose last names began with the appropriate letters, adding that it didn't hurt that John Paveskovich and Eddie Erautt both attended Lincoln High School with his dad.
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