Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally?

OK.

Are you wearing your tiara today for Kate and Willy?

I normally watch the news for 15-20 minutes in the morning just to catch up on what I missed.  Evidently, nothing is going on in the world besides the Royal Wedding as it's on every channel.   So, yes, I have put on my tiara.

Did you know that today is the anniversary of another special event?

I do now. 

What is the proper term for the reception Roger Goodell received last night? The best I could come up with was "standing boovation".

I only watched a few minutes but it seemed he got some negative noise every time he walked on stage.   Standing boovation seems appropriate.

If I have more than one mouse, I have mice.

If I have more than one louse, I have lice.

If I have more than one house, what do I have?

Two mortgages and a problem if you want to sell one.

What if I paid CASH!!!!! for one of the houses?

One mortgage and a place to hide your girlfriend from your wife!!!  Or vice versa.

My 12 year old umpires his first game tonight.  My 9 year old has his first game of the spring tonight on another field in the same complex.  Which field should I be at for the first pitch?

Two schools of thought.  1.  It would mean more to the 9 y/o.    Dad is still the greatest man alive at 9.     2. The 12 y/o probably doesn't care because he's moving away from Dad.   But it might be more important to try to maintain that link for as long as possible.  He's not far from the age where trouble is around every corner.

I'd watch the first inning of 12 y/o game.   He's umpiring so he's the potential center of attention if things go wrong.  Seeing Dad there will probably calm his nerves. After the first inning, move fields.  You can tell him "You were doing such a good job, I thought I should check on Little tec."    

do you think it would be possible to shame a veteran player into retiring? i have this worthless pile of crap who is overpaid. he's cleared waivers and has 2 options left. i've tried removing him from the 40 and he says he'd rather be a free agent. since he still has a couple of years left on his contract (thanks to the dildo who had the team i took over this season) i don't want to release him. do you think putting him in rookie league will get him to say screw it before his contract is up?