I’ve been re-watching the first and only season of Aaron Sorkin’s brilliant “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip,” and in one of the first four shows, Bradley Whitford’s character referred to Matthew Perry’s character as a “pussyboy.”

The word itself is great, but the context and delivery of the line was so perfect that it will forever remain in my vocabulary.

Coincidentally, two days later, Roy Oswalt’s seemingly endless slew of demands and preferences reached its apex, when he revealed his desire to avoid a big-market team – code for the Phillies.

Maybe Oswalt likes dealing with one beat writer, maybe he likes pitching in front of 10,000 fans. Maybe he likes playing under no pressure at all and maybe hecklers make him cry. I don’t know. But any self-respecting pitcher that wants to win and wants out of a bad situation has absolutely no business seeking a low-pressure situation.

According to “sources close to Oswalt,” as reported by Ken Rosenthal, the righthander has no interest in Philadelphia. Rosenthal went on to write that a deal for Oswalt is appearing more and more unlikely.

Let’s outline the various demands of Roy the Pussyboy™:

1. He wants out of Houston
2. He wants his $16MM option for 2012 picked up by his new team
3. He prefers St. Louis because he wants to stay in the South
4. He wants to be traded AFTER becoming the Astros’ all-time wins leader, a records he is two wins shy of and will not be able to break
5. He does not want to play in a big market
6. He has little interest in playing in Philadelphia
7. He wants to be able to keep his Astros uniform
8. He wants his new team to buy him a private jet
9. He wants to take his talents to South Beach
10. He wants to be the new spokesman for Kotex

Okay, so the last four are fake but the first six are very real.

Roy Oswalt is a pitcher with chronic back problems that have required multiple cortisone shots over the years. No team wants to immediately pick up his 2012 option and no team should be required to if they are already picking up his huge salary and parting with young players. Oswalt is making it very hard on his own team to retain him, but even harder for it to trade him.

I’m sorry if me calling Roy Oswalt a pussyboy has offended you but this is getting pretty ridiculous.