Posted by dBKC on 8/7/2020 10:51:00 PM (view original):
I mean it’s a really good movie though. Like top 10 film of its era good. It’s worth at least watching and then criticizing. I don’t like Kanye’s personality and I don’t like some of the stuff he says, but I always check out his new albums and pick out the genius moments and the bad moments and dissect it as a whole.

agreed - Ill give it a try eventually

I think Adam Driver is a fine actor - and has talent (He did very well in Marriage Story)

Long live King Kinoa, 1st of his name. Long may he reign!

What?...What?... The King is dead?

So I think this means Cousin Sal and Simmons did pretty well guessing the number of championships in the ****** bit I wrote for the doc before the series’ started. Nice job all you badasses who made it that far.

Never mind. I reread it. Not that close.

SIR WILT - The House of No Evil

Season 2 - Episode 3: The Water Dancer
Upon a dark background, white block letters say ‘PREVIOUSLY ON GAME OF ZONES’. The Os are filled in as though they are basketballs.

Scene opens to the Hand of the King, dh555 addressing a crowd of lords and knights.

dh555: “Knights of the realm. Today begins the greatest tourney the SAVAGE LANDS have ever known. Honor and glory await you.”

Cut to Sir LeBron riding on a white stallion followed closely by Sir Anthony of Brow.

Sir Anthony: “Who is that slender knight over there with the wispy chin hairs?”

Sir LeBron: “That is a water dancer from Braavos who goes by the name of Sir Stephen.” Sir LeBron scowls. “Last time we met, he hired another knight of great stature to fight along his side: Sir Kevin, the Snake Knight of House Durant. Together, they gave me my only defeat.”

Sir Anthony: “...but you’ve been defeated six tim…”

Sir LeBron: “Exactly. Only been defeated once.”

The screen darkens to black and we see a disclaimer in white letters appear: ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS CARTOON, EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE, ARE FICTIONAL AND ALL VOICES ARE OBVIOUSLY IMPERSONATED. The letters disappear and new letters take its place: GAME OF ZONES. The Os are basketballs. These letters too disappear and a cartoon knight is seen dribbling a basketball between his legs next to new letters: SEASON 2 - EPISODE 3: The Water Dancer.

Scene opens to a sword fight in the middle of a great courtyard basketball court between Steph and Seth Curry as children. Their father, Sir Dell, watches from the sidelines. Steph brings his sword behind his back from right hand to left, then crosses it in front of him back to his right hand. Seth falls for the faint and lunges with his own sword only for Steph to step back and strike at Seth from a safe distance. The practice sword hits Seth across the ankle and he falls down, defeated. Steph smugly approaches his father.

Sir Dell: “That step-back is getting better my son, but in my day I could strike from 20 feet away. You must keep working on your range. Again.”

Steph Curry turns back to his brother who is just getting up off the ground and mutters: “20 feet? Bah. I’ll learn to strike from 30.”

The words “strike from 30” echo a few times as Steph’s body grows to manhood and the scene evolves into the present time. His face still looks exactly the same. He is standing in the main courtyard basketball court of King’s Landing. He is holding two practice swords and watches as Sir Shawn Kemp approaches.

Sir Stephen: “You are late.” He tosses one of the wooden blades to Sir Shawn, who drops it. “Tomorrow, you will catch it.”

Sir Kemp: “I got delayed by the Spaghetti Lord. Who are you?”

Sir Stephen: “I am your dancing master.”

Sir Kemp: “I don’t dance.”

Sir Stephen: “After the Bearded Knight failed your Lord dBKC in the SAVAGE war, he sent for me. I am to train your sorry lot for the tourney.”

Sir Kemp’s eyes travel up and down the slim frame of Sir Stephen. “You are going to train me? Who do you think you are?”

Sir Stephen: “I was the first sword to the Sealord of Braavos. Other men were stronger, faster, younger, but I was the best. Why? I will tell you now. The striking. 25 feet? 30 feet? 35? It makes no matter. They say no man has ever had a better stroke. That sword must become part of your arm. Can you drop part of your arm? No. Now, we will begin the dance. This is not the iron dance of the knight, hacking and hammering, dunking and rebounding. No, this is the water dance, swift and sudden.”

Sir Kemp: “Maybe I am not made out to be a water dancer?”

Sir Stephen: “Preposterous, I heard they call you the Rain Man.”

Sir Kemp: “It’s Reign Man actually. I used to reign over a small town called Sonicville.”

Sir Stephen: “It makes no matter. All men are made of water, do you know this? When you strike them, the water leaks out and they die. Now, you will try and strike me.”

Sir Kemp takes a swing with his sword, but Sir Stephon lazily knocks it away and out of Sir Kemp’s hand. He goes to retrieve it, but as he bends down a foot stomps on his sword. The camera drifts upwards to reveal Sir LeBron James, a smug look on his face. Behind him Sir Patrick of the Garden starts to laugh.

Sir LeBron: “Sir Stephen, please do not tell me this is who you have chosen to help you oppose me? Sir Kemp is but an old man with a mead addiction and a bunch of dirty bastards. You have no Snake Knight to help you this time. You can’t win without him.”

Sir Kemp looks meekly at Sir Stephen, defeated. Sir Stephen looks Sir LeBron right in the eyes, not backing down one bit.

Sir Stephen: “You forget, I did win without the Snake Knight. Against you, in fact.”

Sir LeBron: “Yes, I guess you did. But it was only because my two sidekicks got the pox. The next tourney I got my revenge. This one shall be no different.”

Sir Stephen: “Your lord hasn’t won a tournament in twelve years of fighting, and your second is known more for his glandular problem than for winning tourneys. You do not scare me Sir.”

Sir LeBron: “I’m as used to serving inferior lords as I am to having inferior teammates. It makes no matter. Come Sir Patrick, we are wasting our time with these so called knights. Real challengers await on the practice court.”

As they stride away we just barely hear Sir LeBron say: “And stop sweating on me. Seriously, do you ever stop?”

Sir Patrick: “Sorry, sir. This armor isn’t very breathable.”

Sir Stephen turns back to Sir Kemp. “Tomorrow we start working on your striking range. That’s all for today.”

Sir Kemp: “But Sir, I want to train now. I’m going to throw my sword down Sir LeBron’s throat.”

Sir Stephen pulls a chef hat out of his scabbard and puts it on: “It will have to wait for the morrow. I have to go and make Lord dBKC his birthday cake.”

Sir Kemp: “But Sir, wasn’t his birthday yesterday?”

Sir Stephen sighs and gives Sir Kemp an exasperated look: “Everyday is his motherf*cking birthday.”

Our screen goes dark as white block letters take over the screen: GAME OF ZONES.

Love this bit:
”Sir Kemp is but an old man with a mead addiction and a bunch of dirty bastards. You have no Snake Knight to help you this time. You can’t win without him.”

Sir Stephen pulls a chef hat out of his scabbard and puts it on: “It will have to wait for the morrow. I have to go and make Lord dBKC his birthday cake.”

Sir Kemp: “But Sir, wasn’t his birthday yesterday?”

Sir Stephen sighs and gives Sir Kemp an exasperated look: “Everyday is his motherf*cking birthday.”

Our screen goes dark as white block letters take over the screen: GAME OF ZONES.m

———————
Oh man, I laughed so ******* hard. Brilliant episode in general!!

Just finished the next episode. Will post it sometime tonight after I have some time to edit it. This one actually moves the plot of the season forward.

I don't want to have to be the one to explain to Sir Mike, His Royal Airness, that in this strange land, he's not only considered worse than Lebron but at least four other guys. He's not going to take it very well. (Though knowing him, he'll use it to fuel his play in the tournament.)

Posted by tarheel1991 on 8/11/2020 12:28:00 PM (view original):
I don't want to have to be the one to explain to Sir Mike, His Royal Airness, that in this strange land, he's not only considered worse than Lebron but at least four other guys. He's not going to take it very well. (Though knowing him, he'll use it to fuel his play in the tournament.)

Episode 6!

Season 2 - Episode 4: The Malice of the Chalice
Upon a dark background, white block letters say ‘PREVIOUSLY ON GAME OF ZONES’. The Os are filled in as though they are basketballs.

We hear bells ringing, and our scene opens to the Sept of Baylor the Bricklayer in King’s Landing. We hear someone say: “The King is dead! The King is dead! King Kinoa, 1st of his name, is dead!”

Cut to The Hand of the King, Lord dh555 and bds9992 talking next to the open coffin of the late King Kinoa.

Lord dh555: “The King has been poisoned, and you seek for me to name an heir? All of the lords of the realm are suspects.”

bds9992: “You are most wise Lord Hand. Perhaps it would be best to name someone who has never been named a lord? Never won a title?”

Cut to Lord dh555 addressing a crowd of lords and knights.

Lord dh555: “Knights of the realm. Today begins the greatest tourney the SAVAGE LANDS have ever known. Honor and glory await you.”

Cut to Sir LeBron riding on a white stallion followed closely by Sir Anthony of Brow.

Sir Anthony of Brow: “Oh and look, two knights from the Eyrie are riding in now, Sir Michael of Jordan and Sir Kareem, the Captain of the Gold Cloaks. They say that up in the Mountains of the Moon, they teach incredible swordplay. I’ve heard that Sir Kareem uses a technique called a Sky Hook which is supposedly unstoppable.”

The screen darkens to black and we see a disclaimer in white letters appear: ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS CARTOON, EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE, ARE FICTIONAL AND ALL VOICES ARE OBVIOUSLY IMPERSONATED. The letters disappear and new letters take its place: GAME OF ZONES. The Os are basketballs. These letters too disappear and a cartoon knight is seen dribbling a basketball between his legs next to new letters: SEASON 2 - EPISODE 4: The Malice of the Chalice

Scene opens to the Tower of the Hand where dh555 is seated in an ornate chair behind a large desk. On the floor is a massive circular rug in the shape of a basketball. The rug is white and the lines of the basketball are blue. In the middle are three large fives in red. On the walls are great murals depicting the events of the first SAVAGE war. dh555 is holding a wine glass in one hand and a pen in the other. He is scribbling on some official document. We hear a knock on the door. dh555 calmly folds his paper and sets it inside a drawer.

Lord dh555: “Come in.”

The door opens and a towering man walks into the room. He is dressed in the armor and golden cloak of the city watch. Instead of the traditional visor, he is wearing a pair of purple goggles.

Lord dh555: “Sir Kareem, my captain, thank you for coming on such short notice. Have a seat.”

Sir Kareem continues to stand. “My Lord, the courtyard has been set up for the tournament’s opening feast. Seventy-seven dishes will be served, Madam Fergie will be performing the Anthem of Westeros, Lord Brad of the Longest and Tallest House has agreed to provide krav maga demonstrations, I think that’s a type of dance, and we have even managed to procure Sir Dame the Bard’s services.”

Lord dh555: “Captain, I am afraid I have some bad news. My sword was drawn fourteenth. I tried to trade up higher so I could select you, but alas, there were no takers.”

Sir Kareem sits down in the chair: “What are you saying My Lord?”

Lord dh555: “Unfortunately, today will be your last day as captain of my Gold Cloaks. It pains me to see you leave, but you have been drafted by Lord dskantor”

Sir Kareem: “Who?”

Lord dh555: “I don’t know much about him, but I know he fought against the King in the first SAVAGE war. Won the Battle of the Raging Bulls.”

Sir Kareem: “Lord Hand, the City Watch is all I know. Please, do not do this.”

Lord dh555: “I am sorry Sir Kareem, I truly am. You were the best knight of the SAVAGE war and you will always be my Captain, but I am afraid you are getting too old. Your watch has ended.”

Sir Kareem: “Please My Lord, at least tell me who it was that you drafted.”

Lord dh555: “I selected the Three Eyed Bird, Sir Larry from Bostonia.”

The camera zooms in on Sir Kareem’s horrified face, before fading out.

We cut to a great feast. All the lords of the realm are there. At each table, enormous pies are set out for the lords to eat. At one of the tables, Lord robusk and Lord ashamael are having a heated argument with Lord amerk1180 over a plate of spaghetti. Next to them, Lord Brad of the Longest and Tallest House is sleeping right through the disagreement. At another table, Sir jcred5 has a quill and parchment and is getting ready to time everyone’s speeches. On a tree branch above him, the Three Eyed Bird, Larry from Bostonia, is perched and watching the event. To the side, Sir Kareem is standing watch over the festivities with a sour disposition. Next to him is Sir Amare of House Sun. Aside from Sir Kareem, Sir Amare is the only knight of the City Watch who has chosen to wear goggles instead of the traditional visor.

Sir Amare: “Captain, I am so excited that I will get to still serve with you again under Lord dskantor. It is such a privilege to see you in action. I am sure we can do better than 6th this time.”

Sir Kareem: “I was the best knight of the SAVAGE war. Everyone thought so. When King Kinoa, 1st of his name, and his Lord Hand, dh555, named me as Captain of the Gold Cloaks, it was the proudest moment of my life. I remember everything about that day. What am I to do now Sir Amare? Fight in a tourney for some lord I have never heard of? I am meant to protect this city. It is the only purpose I have ever known.”

Sir Amare: “My Captain, we shall win this tournament. Not for Lord dskantor, but for you. We will prove that you are not too old, that you are still the best knight in the realm.”

The seven knights of the King’s Guard walk past. Leading the way is the broad and gigantic figure, Sir Shaq, the Mountain who Rides.

Sir Kareem: “Lord Commander Shaq, fine day for a feast isn’t it?”

Lord Commander Shaq mumbles: “Mmblvrmblm.” and keeps walking. His fellow kingsguard knights follow him in silence.

Sir Kareem turns back to Sir Amare: “The Lord Commander may not be one for talking, but he’s one of the best this realm has seen. I look forward to challenging him in the tournament.”

Lord Amare: “I once fought beside him for House Sun in a tourney years ago. He seems to be in much better shape now.”

A lord from one of the tables approaches. There is nothing distinguishable about him, but he greets the Captain as if they are old friends.

Lord dskantor: “Sir Kareem, I am Lord dskantor. I was overjoyed when I was able to select you to serve me in this tournament. I have heard all about your exploits in the first SAVAGE War.”

Sir Amare: “My Lord, I am on your team too!”

Lord dskantor: “Sir Kareem, I have heard all about your legendary ‘Sky Hook’ sword technique. I cannot wait to see you in action.”

Just then we hear the sound of silverware against a goblet, and the Hand of the King, Lord dh555, stands up to address the lords gathered.

Lord dh555: “Lords of the realm, we are gathered here today to celebrate the coronation of our future King! But before that can take place, we must battle to see who is most worthy of that crown. We must see who amongst us is the best, who amongst us can survive the chaos and disorder that is the SAVAGE tournament. bds9992, please pass out the wine to our guests. None for me today. Also, special shout out to Lord dBKC, for today is his motherf*cking birthday!”

At a far table, Lord dBKC smiles and holds up a piece of cake. Behind him, Sir Chef Curry looks on with a scowl.

Lord dh555: “Lords, this tournament shall be like none other this realm has ever known. Preliminary rounds shall last six weeks. Then, we shall have five great final tournaments held, with the winners sparring off until only one remains. Whoever amongst you shall reign victorious shall be named the next King of the SAVAGE LANDS.”

Just then, we hear loud choking sounds and to the side we see Lord samuelyork93 holding his throat, pieces of pie crumbling out of his mouth. His face starts to turn purple. Next to him lord copernicus starts to hit him on the back, but then suddenly grabs at his own throat. The two lords choke in unison as the rest of the lords and knights gathered there rush towards them in horror.

Somebody yells to get a medic, and jcred5 hurries off quickly, exclaiming: “I’ll go get Dr. J.”

Lord samuelyork93 and then Lord copernicus collapse onto the ground. They are dead.

Sir Kareem is watching the scene in horror. He looks at the pie in front of the two Lords. Nothing seems out of place. Then he notices the overturned wine goblets next to it. As he looks up, he sees Lord pharrop from across the crowd, slowly raising his own wine goblet to his lips. Sir Kareem wastes no time and quickly draws his sword. He raises it above his head in a swooping motion and as the sword gets to the very top of his reach, he releases it. The crowd watches in awe as the sword makes a perfect arc directly towards pharrop. It slices the wine goblet right out of his hand. Everyone turns to look at Sir Kareem.

Sir Kareem: “My lords, it wasn’t the pies. It was the wine.”

He points his finger and everyone’s eyes follow to see bds9992 holding the pitcher of wine in his hands and staring at it in utter disbelief and horror.

Sir Kareem: “Knights, this man has committed the murder of two lords and a king. And worse, he has committed SIM malpractice, disorderly drafting, and hasn’t won a single tournament in 12 years. Arrest him!”

The knights of the city watch, led by Sir Amare, rush forward and place a stunned and disbelieving bds9992 in shackles as our screen goes dark and white block letters take over the screen: GAME OF ZONES.

Kudos to bds who suggested the arrest at the end of that episode and the trial that will follow in a future episode.

That was both hilarious and gripping.

Posted by benhoidal on 8/11/2020 5:58:00 PM (view original):
Kudos to bds who suggested the arrest at the end of that episode and the trial that will follow in a future episode.

YES! Let's do it, can't wait