there is real value to it. rebounding at the 4/5 is very important in all sets. you can build competitive teams with a deficit there and strengths otherwise, but definitely 1) rebounding is very important and 2) over the course of a season or significant series, rebounding results follow the ratings.
couple notes - rebounding is mostly about the rebounding rating. more than just about anything in this game, you just need to focus on the rebounding. ath matters a good bit and iq / fatigue are factors but rebounding is the giant. to me, its the top priority for my bigs as a unit and as individuals, although obviously sometimes exceptions are needed (to get a scorer, or whatever). i used to like to say, if your team can't rebound, it doesn't matter if you can do anything else, either - because it is that important. but the game has changed since then, big man offense is no longer horrible, which makes big man defense matter a lot more, too. but overall, rebounding is the #1 thing for big men.
second, do not evaluate rebounding in a game by total rebounds. doing so is a substantial and concrete mistake that directly leads to the observation you have (that rebounding is a crap shoot). total rebounds is a highly misleading and largely useless figure. instead, do the simple math to get the % of rebounds gotten by each team on the defense end (which implies the offensive end for the other team - if you got 70% of def board opportunities, they got 30% of offensive board opportunities - so you can really use either one. as long as you are going on %, not totals). the reason for this, you already mentioned - a team with more misses has more defensive rebounding opportunities and even garbage **** teams are going to get the majority of their defensive rebound opportunities.
example in case the above is unclear. i pulled the first game from the team someone linked above:
https://www.whatifsports.com/hd/GameResults/BoxScore.aspx?gid=18550659&tab=boxscore
in there, the winning team won by 50, big blowout. rebounders for the winner were 20 off and 52 total (32 def). the loser had 13 off and 43 total (30 def).
to do the math, the winner got 32/(32+13) = 32/45 = 71.1% of defensive rebounding opportunities
the loser got 30 / (30 + 20) = 30 / 50 = 60% of the defensive rebounding opportunities.
11.1% gap is a large, healthy gap that a team with a big advantage would generally be happy with. who actually got what opportunities is based on things mostly not related to rebounding. there are many games where i've had fewer total rebounds but a better def reb % and that gave me solace. i have been using this simple formula since my first year and would never go back. in theory, a defensive rebounding opportunity can result in something other than a rebound - and i think this happens in HD (but can't swear to it off hand) - namely, a foul. so this simple math isn't 100% accurate but its pretty damn close, and you can do it in about 15 seconds per game that you care to know the real reb outcome for, and that has always been good enough for me.