I will say this: until covid issues started in March, I spent 2 years working every day on the Gaithersburg campus of the National Institute of Standards and Technology. Don't quote me on this, but my understanding is that NIST is the largest single employer of PhDs in the country. Every day there were literally thousands of PhD scientists and engineers on site. In 2 years in that environment, I literally never - not once - heard anyone addressed or ask to be addressed by the title of doctor except very occasionally in a humorous context. In an academic setting you generally expect faculty to be addressed by undergraduate students as Dr. or Prof., depending on the culture of the school/department, but that usually doesn't extend into personal life. I know at Berkeley even graduate students were on a first-name basis with the faculty.
The tone of the op-ed that set off this firestorm was pretty condescending. It sounded fairly likely that misogyny may really have been involved. But I will also say that amongst my circle of academic "doctor" friends and coworkers, demanding to be referred to as a doctor would be seen as pretentious and unnecessary. It's one thing if you use Dr. when a title is necessary - IE in filling in a title field on a form, or in formal address. But asking people to use it routinely in speech does feel weird to me.