1) Who the heck are you?
Abraham Lincoln's vice president
2) Why are you still here?
As a participant in a little known program to develop an army of electrified soldiers to fight the South, I was unwittingly made immortal in an accident involving an ungrounded wire, a vat of sarsaparilla and Madame Curie.
3) What is the best secret that
you use to be successful in HD?
My #1 rule involving HD is do not divulge your secrets. I can't believe I let that one out of the bag. I've never told anyone before.
4) Who would play you in a movie about your life?
Otto the Orange
5) What do you do when you are not on WIS? (Keep it clean and don't say work or school)
Sleep. Just kidding, who can sleep when the games run at 2 AM?!
In all seriousness, I am involved in an outreach program to help the less fortunate in our society. These individuals have been victimized and traumatized by their experiences and only a few have so far been re-introduced into normal society. The unspeakable nature of the crimes against them makes therapy nearly impossible, we hope only to provide them some small solace for their remaining days. If you would like to learn more, or perhaps even contribute, please visit
www.formerpatientsofalblack.com. Any contribution would be welcome.
6) What do you wear on the court when you are coaching? (sweater, suit and tie, latex bib overalls, etc.)
Don Nelson's fish tie, although as a bandana (covers the fins nicely). I won it from him in a game of Bourre back in '87. I also sport LaPhonso Ellis's hightop fade (which I just copied, no need for gambling). Also a neat Hilter 'stache, a la Jordan. And muttonchops. Can't forget the muttonchops.
7) You are at a roundtable discussion with 5 people (living or dead, interpreters will be provided) of your choosing. Who are they and what single subject (just 1) are you discussing?
Abraham Lincoln,
William H. Seward, Salmon P. Chase, Simon Cameron and Edward Bates to discuss who the hell invited Madame Curie to the ******* military experiments? I still have fins to this very day!
8) optional - What is the most embarrassing thing you ever did or had done to you?
I once showed up for a state dinner without sporting my muttonchops! Abe never let me hear the end of that one. And Johnson just wouldn't let it go. Said the people would never support a baby-faced vice president. But I digress...
9) optional - You are trapped in the back of a runaway Brinks van heading for a cliff. You have one minute until the crash and all that is available to you is an egg of silly putty, a ball of twine, a dull machete, and a bottle of vinegar. What do you do?
Take the silly putty and work it in your hands until it is warm and pliable. Use the vinegar to clean the machete, than cut the twine into a neat cat's cradle. Tie the rest of the twine to empty bottle. Stick the other end of the twine into the silly putty and stick it to top of the van. Use the cat's cradle as a catapult to launch the bottle and wrap it around the nearest tree. If there is no tree nearby use a bystander. Once the van goes over the cliff, jump out at the same moment the silly putty is pulled from the top of the van. Then walk away because I am immortal.
10) optional - Is there anything else that you are dying to tell us about yourself?
As I mentioned above, I am not dying at all. I did fake my own death on the 4th of July in 1891 because I wanted to be more like Thomas Jefferson and Sam Adams. I used Andrew Johnson's body! Ha! The jokes on him after all isn't it.