I avoid going hth with conf. mates, and wouldn't jump on a player late if a team in conf. WAS GOING TO sign him. That being said, after signings start, a lot of teams have one scholie and 3 players considering them. I wouldn't see any harm in going after someone they had no intention of signing.
Also, being polite to conf mates is one thing. However, one time, a conf mate and I jumped on the smae player immediately and neither of us spent the cash to land him, both of us trying to "let the other guy have him" One cycle before signings another coach out of conf. jumped on him, and both of us were out.
Really, I have to agree, there is no poaching. It's a competition and you win the way you can win.