So with recruiting finally finished in Tark, I wanted to share this response I received from my recruit Dustin Marsh, who was a transfer from D1 squad from the A10 (Can't remember which, brain is totally drawing a blank now for some reason).  Nonetheless, this was after my first HV, in which I also offered him a scholarship:  

SHHH-BANG! That's what I'm talking about! I was so excited to see you at the house, my momma had to hose down the carpet three times. She said she hadn't seen anybody so excited since the day they delivered grandpappy's Russian mail-order bride. She didn't speak a lick of English, but grandpappy didn't seem to mind. I'm not sure what she saw in him, but she must've seen something 'cuz they would go at it like two gophers at a carrot. Grandpappy died of some heart mischief later and his bride got all his belongings and money to soothe her aching heart. She's living in Beverly Hills now. She seems to be doing fine, but she won't return our calls anymore. Speaking of calls...how come you haven't returned any of my calls. I tried to call every hour to check on my status. I even found your home number, but something must be wrong, because it says its disconnected now. If you're having trouble paying those folks at the phone company, never you mind.

Why, once for about three years we had no phones 'cuz daddy couldn't get off'n his lazy butt to go get a job. He even tried doing one of them Wal-mart jobs of saying 'Hey, welcome to Wal-mart', but he kept messing it up. Momma had enough of that. She went out and got herself a new daddy. I don't see him much, but I think he must work all day, since he only comes by at night to call on momma and they go at it like pappy use to with his Russian gal. Funny though, he always sounds different, but momma doesn't mind only seeing him for a few hours every night. One time someone asked her what she did for a living and she said she was in the oldest profession - so I think she's a secretary or something. Anyways, you stop back, okay? Momma would love to talk to you again. She kept ranting about your pretty eyes, but I told her she must be crazy. I'll talk to ya later - when you get your phone undisconnected - and I can't wait to play for you and California Lutheran.

Love ya, man!

Dustin Marsh

Has anyone else seen this one before or better yet, received a crazier one?

 

 

this is how I imagine Marshall henderson's correspondence with ole miss went

Haha yes. Seen it a couple times myself. Makes me laugh every time

Recently received: 

From:  Elvis McKenzie    To:  Coach caesari    Subject:  Viagra/Cialis 80% OFF - exclusive savings!      Sent: 03/02/2014 2:43AM

Coach, I know you're the head coach and all, but I'm curious as to why we run fastbreak in games when we don't practice it? Elvis McKenzie Assistant Coach University of Buffalo

 

The subject line had me rolling- definitely caught my attention.

Has anyone else seen this one before or better yet, received a crazier one?

Yeah, just about everybody sees it eventually.  There are a limited number of total messages to draw from.  Generally speaking it gets posted in the forums 3 or 4 times a year.

Always a good read, though.

its been around since i was originally around. in 2005-2010, probably the one response that the first time you see it you actually lol

SHHH-BANG! never gets old. Ever.

Newbie here. Thanks for the laugh. And I thought my recruits were out of control talking about their stalker girlfriends. I see have much more to look forward to. Love this game so far, though, even though I'll never want to actually coach after doing this.