Collaborative document with input from benhoidal, copernicus, jpevans31, quaker128, bds9992, dh555, ashamael, longtallbrad, jhsukow,
Episode 1: Beginnings
Intro, Bill Simmons, Life before the update, types of leagues, highlight different themes, lots of quotes from NBA players, Highlighting the legends who are no longer with us, uvasooner, ncmusician, Nasimith, dizalvinsand (sp?), tylerdurden, dman
'What if I told you that in 1999 a group of sports enthusiast computer programmers from Cincinnati, Ohio got together and decided to build a website....? What if I told you about "WHAT IF SPORTS"?'
Opening scene (camera on bosoxbill/Bill Simmons):...."So my cousin Sal tells me about this website for simulated sports games right? and I'm all like, 'What's a website'? 'What's a simulated sport? 'Are there Boston players?'"
Later scene (close up on Michael Jordan looking at a computer screen): "You're going to take LeBron before me? before me!?"
Later scene (Bill Russell, looking directly at the camera, face in pain): "My defensive rating is what now!?"
"I had a brief fling with the NBA sim engine 2 years ago, but it seemed like the only teams that were winning started Oscar Robertson, Fat Lever, Dennis Rodman, Wilt or Russell... it was the same guy on every team. Then they changed the engine and it became too confusing to me. But I used to have this one team with per-minute guys - Bernard King, Roy Tarpley, John Stockton, John Lucas, John Drew, Travis Grant, etc. - and I must have lost in heartbreaking fashion in the playoffs like five different times. And always to those teams with Oscar-Lever-Rodman-Russell. Drove me crazy. I also had an All-Druggie Team that was pretty funny." - Bill Simmons
Episode 2: The Ballad of Sable and the Monkee
monkee, emonk, felonious, copernicus... etc. Introduction to sable and admin/program deficiencies, Bill Russell quotes galore, Doc Rivers finally living up to his "DeAndre Jordan is a better defender than Bill Russell" quote, monkee blacked out and voice distorted.
The sounds of a six shooter going off as in a duel, shot opens on a computer screen, hands typing feverishly...
(Figure in backlight, details blocked/face pixelized-voice distorted by tech etc): "everyone knew it was satire, absolutely everyone. it wasn't even complicated, it was just the opposite of all the things you actually wanted to do. it would have been clear to anyone. I mean, unless you were a complete f-BLEEP-ing a-BLEEP-le..."
{cut to: paparazzo style footage of Scott getting out of a 1998 Ford Explorer and refusing to talk to the reporter on his way into the building }
Episode 3: 2012 update
Advanced stats, What changed? Old lineup blueprint -> new lineup blueprints, AI quotes, Isaih Thomas, Hassan Whiteside, I wasn't around pre-update so someone is going to have to fill in the first half of this episode. Bonus - explain "advanced" stats to common fan.
"What if I told you there's a world in which JaVale McGee is considered more valuable than Bill Russell?"
"What if I told you there's a universe in which based on his career to date, Hassan Whiteside might go down as one of the greatest big men of all time."
(camera on Troy Murphy's perplexed face): "So wait, I was really... good?"
"I mean, we all thought Brent (Barry) was alright. He could shoot a little, the man had hops. But better than Ricky Davis? Then, I heard about something called effective field goal percent. I didn't know what the hell it was at the time, no one did (laughs). We all thought, 'Did I make a bunch of shots? Did we win? That's effective right there.' (laughs)… (Serious tone) But I found out going 12-37 might not be a good thing. (Fade out as AI looks contemplative). - Allen Iverson
Episode 4: Open League Heroes
Records, abdrondon, jlg (6 minutes in Hell, State Farm), introduce ashamael and benhoidal and lots of others, LeBron vs MJ, clones! wheels68, ROOKIES, 16,000 minute challenge, tanking playoff games, jjmurphy1127
camera on two John Stocktons looking at each other in confusion, doing the spider-man meme, (Rodman?)
Tom Bowerwinkle talking head?
Manute Bol talking head?
LeBron/Curry/Rodman/Rodman/ Whiteside vs. Stockton/Stockton/Magic/ Lebron/ Giannis
Episode 5: ashamael
Early ODL dominance, Charles Barkley quotes all over the place, wins record, 98 death threat, State Farm, writing the SIM manual (Too much info?)
Episode 6: Progressive Leagues
What they are, different types, records and champions, zizzo24, jcred5, smokey's nefarious shenanigans, ZPL, DSPL, LOB, LMAD, TEPL, jkaye24, ATBA (cjok1051 scandal), The Process and why it's more effective than in real life,
Episode 7: benhoidal
Open league riser, progressive leagues, WIS version of The Process, F*ck the Mets, LOB issue, slashtc threatens family, admin ineptitude, 82-0, wins record, brief ash and ben spat, ODL Evals (Too much info?), the scene that bds9992 wrote about ODL 64 (gold), three different 5-peats in three different progressives (with a fourth coming),
(cut to the 137 banners in the benhoidal gym)
Narrator: The champ of champs. The GOAT of GOATs......is not a player.
Buddy Hield: I mean, I’m not even an All-Star in real life.....but coach said I had the double green light, so I just kept shooting! Now I got six rings in FOUR MONTHS!!!!
Marcus Camby: I woke up one day and realized I had more rings than fingers. Hadn't even been a year since I joined the team.
Narrator: Still, no legend of sports is without a little controversy.
slashtc: I would NEVER join a progressive with him!
Episode 8: ODL/DH52
Introduce dh555, Best teams/owners, Facts and trivia, Wilt vs. LeBron (ODL), introduce robusk, penn (DH52), tarheel1991, dh555's 68 win Wilt team, longest running leagues, best historical records, introduce kinoa1, bds9992, tau1624, dBKC
"jakotay,ncih,kfunk(others?)...they started and the continued the longest running theme in WIS - the draft league...but it was one mans vision who shaped them into the draft leagues we know and love today...someone brave and bold enough to question things like, why does the champion pick 24th every season? and why do i have to start one of my drafted players?...that man was 3 time odl champion and 6 time 52mil champion, the very humble, dh555" - dh555
"Next on First Take... Are DeAndre Jordan and Rudy Gobert top 20 players of all time? Which one are you starting a franchise with?"
scene (camera on Kobe, rip): no one drafted me? no one!? {shakes head in disbelief, waves hand in front of face}
What!?
"Don't be a p*ssy...Wilt should always go 1st" - dh555
What if I told you that there was a league where Charles Barkley dominated Michael Jordan? That it was MJ who never got a ring, who always chased Charles and was always in his shadow? The Original Draft League is widely considered the most difficult league in the SIM. It has the most parity and the best collection of experienced and prolific owners the site has to offer. Anyone who is anyone has tried their hand at this league but no one has had the success of ashamael. Winner of 6 ODL championships in a 12 season stretch, no one has dominated like him, and most likely no one will do it again. The ODL has evolved since then, with many of the top owners in this site's history having a claim at one point or another to be the best. A while after ashamael, benhoidal made the finals 7 out of 13 seasons, and still has the highest overall win percentage since full data has become available. Since then, robusk has taken over the crown as the site's best ODL owner. Who will be next?
voice of the narrator: This, is Steph Curry. Two time MVP, three time champion, one time scoring champ, and the greatest shooter of all time. But when his 15-16 season came out in WhatifSports, the website was never the same.
(Frame is dated July 15, 2016. dh, ben, copernicus and jcred5 are all shown in their war rooms preparing for the ODL. Copernicus opens a Sportscenter clip for all to hear)
Scott Van Pelt: Well, he’s done it again. As if there was any doubt who the Executive of the Year was going to be, Adrian Wojnarowski is reporting that banditone has traded the third pick in the ODL draft to benhoidal for a half eaten box of Skittles and a piece of dry toast. Where's commissioner bds9992 when you need him? Woj is also reporting that Steph Curry will be the third overall pick by Hoidal. Shock of all shocks.
SVP: For a quick reaction, we go live to Stephen A. Smith, who was once again on vacation to react to the news. Stephen A., did banditone get fleeced, or is this no big deal?
SAS: Let me be very, very clear with what I am saying. And I DON’T WANT TO BE INTERRUPTED, Scott, because what I have to say, I’M ONLY GONNA SAY IT ONCE!! I’M NOT GONNA SAY IT TOMORROW MORNING, BECAUSE IF IT COMES OUT OF MY MOUTH AGAIN, I’M GOING TO HAVE TO QUIT. THE. SHOW. PERIOD.
With that being said, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE GMS?!?!?!?!? WHAT IS WROOONG WITH THEMMMMM? HOW DOES THIS FOOL BANDITONE OR WHATEVER THE HELL HIS NAME IS HAVE A JOB??!!!!? AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Episode 9: Other theme leagues
Old Skool, Decade Draft, Banned League (David West cameo, "Why am I Banned?"), Scattegories (jhsukow), pexetera, gerryred, seapilots, kinoa1, tarheel1991, URAPPL, uvasooner, ncmusician, scudmissle, tau1624, jcred5, jkaye24, dBKC
Episode 10: robusk/kinoa1
New kings of WIS, owner analytics, why owner rating is dumb in all cases except for maybe kinoa1
Episode 11: Hidden Gems
Michael Smith, Montrezzl Harrell, Jamario Moon, Rodrigue Beaubois, Kenneth Faried, Jordan Bell, Jonas Valanciunas, so, so many more.
Scene of Michael Smith and Jamario Moon practicing rebounding drills against each other.
Episode 12: Savage part 1
Meet the owners, The draft, Shaq v. Kareem v. MJ v. Dwight discussion, The BAN, talking heads, predictions, commentary thread
Episode 13: Savage part 2
The season, the Savage King, actual basketball footage with owner commentary
*** FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE***
Murphy Placed on Leave of Absence as BOD Slide Continues
Savage World 4, Rumors of a confrontation between Coach/Governor, jhsukow and Troy Murphy have been confirmed and have ended with Murphy being placed on a leave of absence for an undetermined amount of time.
The incident began as jhsukow told Murphy he would be removed from the starting lineup, but remain a part of the rotation. Assistant Coaches/Bench Scrubs on Rest, Rick Carlisle and Juwan Howard then heard shouting and entered the closed-door meeting and had to separate jhsukow and Murphy.
""Murph was all like 'do you know who the f*** I am? I built this f****** site.' It was wild." Howard said on the Lowe Post. Carlisle also made the rounds regarding the Troy Murphy smear campaign speaking with the guys on The Atheltic pod, No Dunks. Carlisle described the situation as "extremely unprofessional" and "an issue the team will be handling internally".
This move will be paving the way for Detlef Schrempf and Jonas Valanciunas to take a bigger role in the offense and allow Marques Johnson to move into the starting lineup.
jhsukow and Troy Murphy have both declined to address the situation publicly.
###
Charles Barkley Post Game Press Conference
June 15, 2020 -- Thank you for coming. I'm happy to answer any questions.
Ernie Johnson: So why do you think your teams lost today?
Charles: We had black guys who sucked. That’s hard to do. We were the only organization in the NBA who could find black guys who couldn’t play.
Ernie: Well, the other teams stars scored more points than you.
Charles: Maybe I’m old school, but I’m never going to like that little girly basketball where you have to outscore people. I’m biased against girl basketball.
Ernie: What do you say to your critics who say you're not working hard enough in practice?
Charles: If you go out with a girl and they say she has a great personality, she’s ugly. If they tell you a guy works hard, he can’t play a lick. Same thing.
Ernie: What do you say about Pexetera still being able to keep his job as GM of the team?
Charles: Pex must have pictures of his boss’s wife having sex with a monkey.
Ernie: Auburn is a pretty good school. To graduate from there I suppose you really need to work hard and put forth maximum effort.
Charles: 20 pts and 10 rebounds will get you through also. All I know is, as long as I led the Southeastern Conference in scoring, my grades would be fine.
Ernie: Did you ever graduate from Auburn?
Charles: No, but I have a couple people working for me who did. When I was recruited at Auburn, they took me to a strip joint. When I saw those titties on Buffy, I knew that Auburn met my academic requirements.
Ernie: How do you feel about your upcoming game against the Raging Bulls?
Barkley: They're in a lot of trouble.
[BREAKING] @wojespn - Sources: Mambo #1 star James Harden has requested a trade to The Gold Club. In similar fashion, Mambo #2 star James Harden has requested to play the remainder of the season for Mons Venus. In League #3 news, Mambo #3 star James Harden has asked the team to trade him to Spearmint Rhino. Mambo #4 star James Harden has been linked to trade rumors to Rick’s Cabaret, and in League #5: James Harden, the star of Mambo #5, has asked for a little bit of Clermont Lounge in his life.
The Owls Are Not What They Seem Preach Calm, Patience
Cleveland, OH -- Head coach Larry Drew II/Tyronn Lue/J.B. Bickerstaff/David Blatt/John Beilein says fans have nothing to worry about. Despite the team's 3-5 start, DrewLue/Bickerstaff/Blatt/Beilein/Rich Paul insists the Owls aren't a bad team.
"I know there was a lot of excitement going into the season. We're only eight games in. I think a lot of this is on me. I have to find better ways to use these guys. I'm not going to stop making adjustments until we find a lineup that maximizes our strengths." This contrasted in tone from what Karl Malone had to say, who stated emphatically that "these b**** m************ need to get their game up or I'm going down to Mexico, and who knows when I'll be back? I'll pull a Rodman on you m************ in the first ten games. Bet you won't like that too much. Punk a** b******."
Although Karl Malone and his savant sidekick Nikola Jokic are having stellar individual performances, the team is still trying to find its identity. "There's a lot of talent on this team," point guard Jose Calderon said. "I feel like I have to find this best ways to maximize it."
"I want to give Fred a chance," said coach Drew/Lue/Bickerstaff/Blatt/Beilein/Gilbert. "Jose is great, don't get me wrong. This is not an indictment on Jose."
"What'd he say?" Calderon said when he heard that.
"Rashard has been great about the fluctuating rotations. I'm mad at myself for not giving him a consistent role yet. Rodney is great too. If they're both playing well together, they can be a deadly two way combination. I'm excited to see what the next couple of games will bring."