These boards are hoppin' Topic

caesari
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So I figure why not start a thread where people can relax and tell jokes and pretend colonels19 doesn't exist ;)

Anyways, I'll start off:

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
6/20/2012 2:39 PM
paland
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LOL, sounds like a true story!
6/20/2012 3:32 PM
emy1013
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I think I just saw this in a Reader's Digest at my doctor's office.  It's a good one though.
6/20/2012 3:33 PM
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mamxet
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do you have a thread ranking system?

head to head?
6/20/2012 3:43 PM
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caesari
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Posted by mamxet on 6/20/2012 3:43:00 PM (view original):
do you have a thread ranking system?

head to head?
It's based on a complex algorithm that is this:

aN(.07+Bsq.) - aB(.03*.17) + infinity(.90*0) x Cr(petroleum+.08634) - (k/l) 
6/20/2012 3:56 PM
dukenilnil
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Posted by caesari on 6/20/2012 2:39:00 PM (view original):
So I figure why not start a thread where people can relax and tell jokes and pretend colonels19 doesn't exist ;)

Anyways, I'll start off:

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
Hey!  I resemble that remark!
6/20/2012 9:21 PM
emy1013
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Posted by dukenilnil on 6/20/2012 9:21:00 PM (view original):
Posted by caesari on 6/20/2012 2:39:00 PM (view original):
So I figure why not start a thread where people can relax and tell jokes and pretend colonels19 doesn't exist ;)

Anyways, I'll start off:

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
Hey!  I resemble that remark!
Is this what's known as a humblebrag?
6/21/2012 12:44 AM
m4284850
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I've got one  but it's not supposed to be a joke:

Guess what Jerry Sandusky's biography is called?

Touched: The Jerry Sandusky Story (this is legit, was written in 2001)


Too soon?

6/21/2012 4:35 PM
dukenilnil
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Posted by emy1013 on 6/21/2012 12:44:00 AM (view original):
Posted by dukenilnil on 6/20/2012 9:21:00 PM (view original):
Posted by caesari on 6/20/2012 2:39:00 PM (view original):
So I figure why not start a thread where people can relax and tell jokes and pretend colonels19 doesn't exist ;)

Anyways, I'll start off:

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
Hey!  I resemble that remark!
Is this what's known as a humblebrag?
Nope, it's a reference to 3 Stoogies and the Marx brothers
6/21/2012 4:57 PM (edited)
point_piper
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Ten rarely heard sports phrases (helps to remember a time of NHL hockey at the mall in Hartford and the Bucs wearing a fancy orange pirate on their lids):

10.  Here comes Tampa Bay!
9.  More Hartford offense!

More?

6/21/2012 7:12 PM
caesari
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Yes
6/21/2012 7:59 PM
dahsdebater
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1.  "And the Orioles pitching continues to dominate..."
6/21/2012 11:24 PM
dahsdebater
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7.  And the assist goes to Eddy Curry.
6/21/2012 11:26 PM
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