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THE COLBY BUILD
After 22 Seasons on Autopilot, the Mules Finally Have Someone at the Wheel
By ESPN 8 - The Ocho Sports Desk | Leahy Division III Football
WATERVILLE, Maine — For 22 seasons, Colby football has been running on autopilot. Unfortunately, the autopilot appears to have been programmed by someone who thought winning was optional.
Once a respectable program under longtime coach bowtown, who amassed 208 victories over 25 seasons, the Mules have since faded into Division III obscurity. A 37–54 record over the past seven seasons, capped by a 6–7 finish in Season 229, has left Colby with little national recognition and a trophy case reportedly being considered for conversion into additional storage space.
But after more than two decades of Sim AI management, someone has finally grabbed the wheel.
Enter 5Tyler5.
The new coach inherits 37 returning players, 16 seniors, and a football program whose recent accomplishments include successfully arriving at games and occasionally winning them. Rather than promising to restore past glory, the new regime has taken a different approach.
This isn't a rebuild. It's the Colby Build.
A RECRUITING TRAIL FULL OF PROMISE AND QUESTIONABLE MILEAGE REIMBURSEMENTS
Armed with 13 scholarships and apparently little concern for the geographical limitations of Maine, Colby launched a nationwide recruiting effort.
The Mules landed imposing Iowa defensive lineman Justin Butler, a 6-foot-5, 334-pound prospect who reportedly requires his own ZIP code when lining up across from an offensive tackle. Florida defensive back David Fisher brings considerable upside, while running back William Hall adds the kind of speed that has been largely absent from Waterville in recent seasons.
Receiver George Cantú and offensive lineman James Santiago were among the other prized additions, giving the new staff several intriguing pieces as it begins constructing a roster capable of competing beyond the occasional favorable Sim AI matchup.
But the biggest recruiting drama involved Massachusetts defensive back Christopher Fitch.
Colby found itself locked in a late battle with human-coached Massachusetts Maritime, one of the Leahy world's established Division III powers. On one side stood a perennial contender. On the other stood a program whose previous coaching staff was quite literally a computer.
Recruiting analysts at The Ocho initially described Colby's chances as "interesting," the network's standard terminology when nobody in the building has any idea what is about to happen.
Neither school backed down. Recruiting cycles passed, visits accumulated, and Fitch remained undecided. With signing day approaching, Colby arranged one final head-coach home visit.
The move worked. Massachusetts Maritime disappeared from Fitch's considering list, and the defensive back signed with Colby shortly afterward.
The Ocho briefly considered declaring a national holiday before learning that signing a defensive back does not, in fact, qualify.
And Fitch wasn't alone. Colby went a perfect 13-for-13 on signing day, landing every one of its primary recruiting targets.
THE INAUGURAL 5TYLER5 RECRUITING CLASS
QB: Michael Clark
RB: William Hall
WR: George Cantu
TE: Juan Charles
OL: James Santiago, Richard Sloan, Thomas Pope
DL: Justin Butler, Daniel Grimes, David Guidry
LB: Gregory Ryan
DB: Christopher Fitch, David Fisher
The class offers considerable promise, particularly on defense, where Butler, Fitch, and Fisher could help reshape the Mules over the coming seasons. Hall brings explosive potential to the backfield, while Cantú and Santiago offer additional young talent.
Of course, recruiting analysts have been wrong before. The Ocho's own scouting department once projected a punter to win Offensive Player of the Year based entirely on his impressive mustache.
Still, landing every primary target in a coach's first recruiting season is a promising start. But recruiting victories don't count in the standings.
TWO EXHIBITIONS, 102 POINTS, AND A KICKER WHO MAY BE A PUBLIC HEALTH CONCERN
The Mules opened their exhibition schedule by dismantling Maine Maritime 47–3, a performance that suggested someone had finally located the power switch in Waterville.
Quarterback Rodney Murray threw for 219 yards and two touchdowns, while running back Manuel Hardin rushed for 164 yards and a score. Defensively, Jason Roberson spent much of the afternoon introducing himself to opposing ball carriers, recording five tackles for loss and a sack.
Colby followed with a 55–14 victory over Brockport, with Hardin continuing his strong preseason by rushing for 171 yards and two touchdowns. James Mullen added 76 rushing yards and another score, while Nicholas Stern hauled in eight receptions for 81 yards and a touchdown.
The defense collected four interceptions, with Michael Gomez and Larry Joseph grabbing two apiece. The Ocho's statistical department reportedly checked whether Brockport's quarterbacks believed Colby's defensive backs were eligible receivers.
But the afternoon's most remarkable performance belonged to kicker Jason Hurt, who connected on nine field goals. Nine. In one game. The Ocho has opened an investigation into whether Hurt is a football player or an elaborate scheme to inflate the resale value of kicking tees.
Through two exhibitions, Colby outscored its opponents 102–17. For Jason Hurt's right leg, that may be grounds for requesting workers' compensation.
THE REAL TEST AWAITS
Exhibition football has a long and distinguished history of making average teams look like championship contenders before reality arrives wearing shoulder pads.
The Mules enter Season 230 with an experienced roster, promising newcomers, and significant turnover looming when 16 seniors depart at season's end. The challenge isn't simply winning games now. It's establishing a program capable of staying competitive when those veterans are gone.
There will be difficult games, questionable decisions, and probably moments when the new coach wonders whether the previous Sim AI had the right idea after all.
But something has changed in Waterville. A new coach. Thirteen recruits. Two convincing exhibition victories. And a kicker who apparently believes the end zone is merely a suggestion.
No championship banners are being ordered. The established powers of Leahy have little reason to lose sleep just yet. But after 22 seasons on autopilot, the Mules finally appear to have a pulse.
The rest of Division III may not be paying attention.
That's fine. ESPN 8 - The Ocho is.
The Colby Build is underway.
ESPN 8 - The Ocho | Parody Sports Desk
If it's almost a sport, we've probably covered it. And if someone kicks nine field goals in one game, we're legally obligated to investigate.
10/23/2026 12:56 PM (edited)