Eastern -

ford/Cleveland

- in wrestling, the guy with the better name usually beats the guys with the generic name. The jobber rule. Gerald Ford was a jobber of a president, so it fits. Cleveland wins easily, and looks dominating.

Lincoln/Jackson - Abe, "former NWA" champ. The title Lou Thesz, John L Sulliavan, and RIc Flair held 1,600 times combined. He wins easily in 10 seconds, with a go-behind and a small package. He gets mad when its called the small package though, and stands up and show the crowd......

Clinton/Bush 2 - A back and forth battle. Lots of promo cutting/**** talking in this one. Clinton makes funny jokes about Bush2's mispronunciations. Brings up that his long term war activities fared much much better than Bush (bosnia vs middle east). Someone else's music hits mid match, Jenna Bush comes out with a harem of ladies, Bush2 hits Clinton with some move (WMD - weapons of mass destruction?) and pins Bill when Bill got distracted. Bill doesn't get upset, leaves with the ladies.

JFK/Obama - Match starts off clean and is a "scientific" battle between two clean cut babyfaces. Obama mentions Marylin. JFK slaps him, mentions Bengazzi. Obama kicks him in the nutz, says "how does your bay of pigs feel now?" The action spills outside, causing a double-countout, and both feel stunned outside the ring, wondering what could have been if either of them had been given more time.......both get eliminated, Bush2 gets a free ride to the conference final..


Western -

Washington/Bush1 - Dad's to busy being distracted by his boy telling him how good he did in winning round one, and getting a bye to rd 3. 2 mentions mission complete. Bush one gets ******. Doesn't notice George loading up for his finisher, "The Cherry Tree" . A big running lariat later, and George is Triumphant.

Wilson/TR - The "New Deal" wins this in squash fashion, Iron Mike Sharpe style. Takes control from the start and never lets up. Toss's around Wilson like a dog chewy. A piledriver ends it quietly.at the 3 minute mark.

Nixon/LBJ - Mostly a single punch then headlock stalemate, The ref spends most of the match looking for the foreign object that Nixon says LBJ keeps hitting him with. The ref never finds one. Nixon tells the ref to keep looking. Over and over again. The ref still cant find one. Nixon says to look again, cuz he cannot tell a lie. Upon the final inspection, behind the ref's back, Nixon loads up the brass knuck's and KO's LBJ for the one-two-three.

Reagan/Trump - Reagan comes to the ring with clips of Hulk Hogan, Top Gun, and Rocky IV playing in the background. Trump, comes out with, well, The New England Patriots, and so many, many great generals, that are just so so great. Back and forth brawl that ends in a big double-disqualification brawl when Gorbachav and Putin get involved. Nixon get's the free pass to the semi's.


And I was mostly sober writing this.....