Upon a dark background, white block letters say ‘PREVIOUSLY ON GAME OF ZONES’. The Os are filled in as though they are basketballs.
Scene opens to an army of men dressed in medieval apparel, decorated with the sigil of a mustang on their shields. The horse, not the car. Their colors are light blue and purple with a cream accent. The army is besieging a castle bedecked with maroon flags ordained with a gold devil. It is winter, and snow is falling in heavy sheets. The army breeches the main gates and storms over the moat and into the castle. They enter the main courtyard which has been taken over by a large basketball court. There are no enemy troops to be seen. The warrior on the lead horse dismounts and removes his helm. It is Lord Ashamael the Forsaken. To his left, a giant man upon a giant horse rides up to Lord Ashamael and removes his own helm and we can see that it is Sir Randy of Savage.
Sir Randy of Savage: “My lord, where are benhoidal’s men? Was this not to be the location of game 6?”
Lord Ashamael the Forsaken shakes his head and as he looks up to Sir Randy of Savage we can see despair in his eyes: “I should have known. The Devil is up to his old tricks. He’s resting his players for game 7.”
As he says this, we hear a roar as maroon and gold soldiers led by Hakeem Olajuwon leap over the inner walls.
We cut to a throne room scene in the heart of world 3. We see King Kinoa1 wearing an armored doublet and a gold crown. Underneath the doublet he is wearing a suit and tie and on his face he has on thick black Scorsese-style glasses. At his feet we see pexetera’s lifeless form. King Kinoa1 turns to his page.
King Kinoa1: “If people ask you what happened here, tell them the King of Comedy still rules the Western lands of World 3. Also, tell them to stop pronouncing my name quinoa.”
We cut to Artis Gilmore, fully decked in armor with a large longsword, banging on a door. “Quick Kawhi, we are being attacked.”
Kawhi Leonard opens the door: “Is this some sort of scheduling mistake? Lord robusk promised me a load management day.”
The scene fades and we are in the Great Fighting Pit of Daznak in the heart of Meereen. We see the bodies of ashamael, 20ks, 24kpyrite, tarheel1991, jpevans31, and longtallbrad strewn on the ground. Standing over them we see the remaining fighters: gerryred, copernicus, jcred5, robusk, dh555, mptrey, dBKC, benhoidal, kinoa1, and pexetera. longtallbrad stands up and we realize he was just sleeping.
The screen darkens to black and we see a disclaimer in white letters appear: ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS CARTOON, EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE, ARE FICTIONAL AND ALL VOICES ARE OBVIOUSLY IMPERSONATED. The letters disappear and new letters take its place: GAME OF ZONES. The Os are basketballs. These letters too disappear and a cartoon knight is seen dribbling a basketball between his legs next to new letters: EPISODE 3: CONFERENCE FINALS.
We enter the throne room in Meereen where Shaquille O’Neal is perched upon the throne wearing a sleek blue dress that is far too small. His bleached blond hair streams behind him and down his back. Next to him stands Walt Frazier and Bobby Jones. Jones is dressed in the traditional battle ware of the Unsullied. Frazier has added an exotic fur trim to his armor and his helm has a wider brim than normal. From behind the throne, Kyrie Irving steps forth wearing a traditional robe of the people of Meereen.
Kyrie Irving: “You stand before Shaquille Largeborn of House Kinoa1, 1st of his name, Breaker of Backboards, King of Nicknames and Destroyer of Jokes, Shaq Daddy to all.”
In front of them stand three men wrapped in monkey pelts. The man in the middle is tall and handsome, but where his eyes should have been are two empty gaping pits. On the back of his pelt is the name ROBINSON. To his left, stands a medium sized man with a goatee and no ears. His pelt says MARION. On the right, is a short man with sandy blonde hair. On his throat is a tattoo of a monkey, his guild’s symbol of a mute. His pelt says PRICE.
The man in the middle steps forward. Walt Frazier and Bobby Jones quickly thrust their spears out, blocking the man’s path to the throne. The man parts his hands and the spears are cast aside despite him never touching them. “Your Grace, you have summoned us here with the promise to restore our order if we can carry out a task for you. What would you have us do, oh Biggest of Shamrocks.”
Shaquille O’Neal: “Mbmmbllmbrlwrmblvrm.”
Kyrie Irving: “You are as wise as you are large, your Grace. The Big Aristotle would send you to King’s Landing in World 2, that’s one of the flat ones. You must assassinate the one they call Chuck. No one must know who it was that sent you.”
The goateed man to the left steps forth. He seems to understand, though he has no ears to hear. “Your Grace, Big Cactus, we will depart at once. We will return when the moon shows red. The house of Gerry shall rule once more.”
Shaquille O’Neal: “Mbmmbllprvtllbrm.”
Kyrie Irving: “The Big Banana is as kind as he is humble. You shall have his fastest ship. Just make sure it doesn’t fall off the edge.”
The short man with the tattoo steps forward. He eyes the throne for a few seconds, then nods his head. All three of the men disappear into thin air and our screen goes black.
We cut to Charles Barkley, dressed in a flowing red dress, long golden hair cascading down his back. He is sipping wine from a goblet and standing on a balcony of the highest tower of the Red Keep. Behind him, Andrei Kirilenko walks up and hands him a scroll. A slow grin starts to spread across Barkley’s face as he reads the scroll. He walks inside the tower and burns the paper in the fire.
Charles Barkley: “So, my old friend Shaq is sending assassins from the No Evil guild. Just as we predicted. House Kinoa1 may have a slight lead in the standings, but Shaq doesn’t have Dwyane Wade or Kobe Bryant to carry him up and down the court this time. He is getting desperate.”
Andrei Kirilenko: “Your Grace, what would you like us to do about the assassins?”
Charles Barkley: “I received a raven the other day. The letter was unsigned. It told me things about myself that no one could possibly know. It said I was the worst three point shooter in NBA history and that I kissed Dick Bevetta on the lips. It told me the secret to defeating House Gerryred and the No Evil Guild. Get out the brooms.”
We cut to Hakeem Olajuwon and Julius Erving, drabbed in black Night’s Watch cloaks. They are walking North of the Wall and discussing the SAVAGE crown. Snow is falling in sheets around them.
Hakeem Olajuwon: “They say it is between pex or kinoa, but we just need two more championships than them. World 3 is ours. We have to upset kinoa in World 1 and then just take care of business here in World 2. Then the crown will be ours for House benhoidal.”
Julius Erving: “Don’t sleep on dBKC. He’s on a tear. What is it that they say in Winterfell? ‘The Beard is Coming?’”
Hakeem Olajuwon: “I am not scared of facial hair. I am the only Houstonian legend. Wait, where are our horses? They’ve vanished like James Harden in a meaningful playoff game.”
Julius Erving: “Wh-wh-what’s that?”
Upon a hill in the distance a shadowy outline of a figure can be seen. The only distinguishable feature is its eyes. They are bright blue and can be seen clearly even at a distance.
Hakeem Olajuwon: “Is that… is that Alonzo Mourning? Zo, did you want me to teach you those post moves again?”
Hakeem looks over at Erving but the Doctor is staring over the Dream’s shoulder, frozen in terror. Hakeem turns around and we see an icy Rudy Gobert standing over them with piercing blue eyes and icicles frozen to his beard. His hand is holding a great long broom and with one sweep, Erving is lying on the ground in two. Hakeem stumbles away in terror. He keeps turning his head back as he runs and he scrambles right into something large and unmoving. As he backs up to look at whatever it is that he hit, the camera follows his gaze. We slowly see the form of an undead bear wearing a Rocket’s jersey, meat rotting off its corpse. It’s Clutch, the mascot. A hooded rider dismounts and as he takes off his hood, we see the piercing icy blue eyes of James Harden. The camera flips to Hakeem Olajuwon’s trembling lip and then back to Harden. As we zoom in on his icy beard, three ice snakes slither out. They inch towards the camera and as they lash out, our image goes black.
We hear the roaring sound of a crowd cheering and we fade into the Great Fighting Pit of Daznak in the heart of Meereen. We see the bodies of jcred5, gerryred, copernicus, robusk, and mptrey strewn on the ground. Standing over them we see the remaining fighters: longtallbrad, dh555, benhoidal, dBKC, pexetera, and kinoa1.
We fade to black as white block letters take over the screen: GAME OF ZONES.