Season 2 - Episode 25: The Has-Beens
Upon a dark background, white block letters say ‘PREVIOUSLY ON GAME OF ZONES’. The Os are filled in as though they are basketballs.
Scene opens to the courtroom where bds9992 is standing trial.
bds9992: “I did not kill King Kinoa, but I wish I had. I wish I was the monster you think I am. I wish I had enough poison for the whole lot of you. You thought Sir Iggy at point guard was extreme? Were you surprised when I took the Jester Knight, Sir Jokic in the second round? Just wait. Sir Clint at small forward. Sir LeBron at center. Sir Cheeks at the four. You'll never stop me! NEVER!"
The crowd is in an uproar.
bds9992 turns back and stares menacingly at Lord robusk. “I now know I will get no justice here, so I will let the gods decide my fate. I DEMAND TRIAL BY COMBAT!”
Cut to the tower of the Hand of the King. Lord dh555 is sitting at his desk and talking to his knights.
Sir Jason: “My Lord, I’m sorry the trial didn’t go as planned. I know how much you wanted to see bds9992 executed.”
Lord dh555: “It makes no matter. He demanded trial by combat. In order to be set free he would have to win one of the five tournaments. Little chance of that.”
Sir Tracy: “He’s actually doing quite well. He’s in second place overall and is tied for first in one of the tournaments.”
Lord dh555: “It won’t last. It’s bds9992. You know him, he’s going to do something foolish eventually. He’ll promote Sir Zelmo, or worse, let Sir Westbrook lead an attack.”
The air shimmers and we cut to a hallway outside the throne room. Lord dh555 is standing alone apart from the Three Eyed Bird on his shoulder. His eyes are glossed over. We hear a voice from the shadows say, “Remember, it is imperative for bds9992 to be found guilty. If he is found innocent, the Lords may start to question how King Kinoa really died. We cannot allow them to become suspicious.”
With a pop the shadow disappears and dh555’s eyes regain their color. He begins to march towards the doors of the throne room. He passes an adjacent hallway and the camera briefly catches Sir Shaq listening with his ear to the wall. Lord dh555 does not notice him and proceeds to open the doors and enters the throne room.
Cut to the highest tower of Devilstone. Lord benhoidal is seen talking with Sir Anthony and Sir Bobby. A goblet materializes out of thin air and into his hand. It is filled with a green bubbly liquid. He hands it to Sir Anthony, who crinkles his nose in disgust.
Lord benhoidal: “This is why I have called you here today. Bring this goblet to our battle with Lord ashamael on the morrow. Have all of your knights drink deeply from it.”
Lord Anthony: “But My Lord, there isn’t enough for us all!”
Lord benhoidal: “Oh, you will find that this goblet is never empty as long as it is whole. Once you have all had your fill, victory will be found at the bottom.”
Cut to Lord benhoidal approaching a maroon door with an outline of a golden devil on it. He stretches out a hand and tickles the devil on the door. It starts to dance and the door swings open. We see a figure curled on the floor in a fetal position. A glowing golden rope is tied across its body and hands. From the glow of the rope we can just make out two pointed horns on the figure’s head. We zoom in slightly and its features come in to focus. It is Lord benhoidal.
Our camera angle shifts and we are looking out from inside the closet into the main room. We hear a whimper from behind us. Ahead of us, framed in the doorway and wearing the same red robes, we see the figure who a second before was in the image of Lord benhoidal. The air shimmers in front of the figure’s face for a second before clearing and we can see who is behind the illusion.
Lord ashamael: “Hello again, old friend.”
Cut to the great arena and into the crowd. We zoom in on Lord benhoidal whose eyes are wide open in surprise. We follow his gaze across the stands and we see what the commotion is about.
Another Lord benhoidal is striding towards the first one, a furious look on his face, a fiery golden rope trailing behind him attached to one ankle.
The crowd is in an uproar.
The screen darkens to black and we see a disclaimer in white letters appear: ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS CARTOON, EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE, ARE FICTIONAL AND ALL VOICES ARE OBVIOUSLY IMPERSONATED. The letters disappear and new letters take its place: GAME OF ZONES. The Os are basketballs. These letters too disappear and a cartoon knight is seen dribbling a basketball between his legs next to new letters: SEASON 2 - EPISODE 25: The Has-Beens
Scene opens to the great arena in the middle of King’s Landing. We zoom into the crowd and see two different Lord benhoidal’s facing each other. They are both wearing red robes. One has a golden rope tied to an ankle. The face of the other one shimmers and is replaced by the face of Lord ashamael. The crowd around them gasps loudly. The two red priests glare at each other. Lord benhoidal raises a hand and a red fire ignites, crackling between his fingertips. Lord ashamael mirrors the action and a bright blue flame erupts from his palm. The two lords stare daggers at each other before simultaneously moving their lips to cast a spell. Before either one can get their spell off however, they are both pelted with fruit from the audience.
The camera spins to a section of the crowd that we haven’t seen before. A bunch of commoners who are watching the tournament are armed with different food items and are prepared to throw them at the two lords. We hear what a few of them are screaming.
“Boooo!”
“We don’t care about your rivalry!”
“You guys are old news!”
“Has-beens!”
“Sit down and let the better lords fight!”
“Losers!”
We pan back to Lord ashamael and benhoidal who have to duck for cover together underneath a bench.
Lord ashamael: “How dare they call us has-beens! I wrote the usage scroll!”
Lord benhoidal: “And we’ve won the most tournaments in the realm!”
Lord ashamael: “We’re still the best lords, right?”
Lord benhoidal: “Nobody better.”
Lord ashamael: “So why aren’t we doing better in the tournament?”
Lord benhoidal: “...”
Lord ashamael: “...”
Lord benhoidal: “What were we arguing about anyways?”
Lord ashamael: “I don’t know. You probably cheated in a tourney long ago.”
Lord benhoidal: “That doesn’t sound right. It was probably something you said.”
Lord ashamael: “No, I’m certain it was something you did.”
Lord benhoidal: “...”
Lord ashamael: “...”
Lord benhoidal: “...”
Lord ashamael: “So… how’s your team doing over on court five?”
Lord benhoidal: “I actually kinda forgot they were still in it after being locked in my own tower so long.”
We cut to the fifth court where Lord benhoidal’s knights are lying on the ground puking as Lord mptrey’s knights look on confused.
Sir Dirk: “What happened?”
Sir Chris Paul: “I don’t know. They took this potion and Sir Anthony asked Sir Kawhi if he had any last words. Almost blew a circuit. Next thing I know, they’re all on the ground.”
We cut back to the stands where Lord benhoidal is chuckling. He and Lord ashamael are now eating some of the food that was thrown at them by the spectators.
Lord benhoidal is lazily tossing grapes in his mouth. “Would you look at that! My knights are tanking a game all by themselves. This should lead to easy wins in games six and seven and a finals appearance. I’ve never been more proud. I wonder where they got the tanking potion from?”
Lord ashamael guiltily avoids eye contact.
Lord benhoidal: “Looks like I’ll play Lord dBKC. ‘Kool Kids’ win either way.”
Lord ashamael: “Uhh… maybe you want to check again.”
Lord benhoidal swivels sharply towards court five and we follow his gaze. Sir Chris Paul and Sir Dirk are jumping up and down. Sir Kawhi is expressionless. They are standing over Sir Anthony and Sir Bobby who lay defeated on the field.
Lord benhoidal: “How did I lose? I drafted the best team!”
Lord ashamael: “Maybe we aren’t as good at this as we thought?”
Lord benhoidal: “...”
Lord ashamael: “...”
Lord benhoidal: “No. That can’t be it. How are your knights doing on court four anyways?”
We cut to court four where Lord ashamael’s knights are being carted off the field on a gurney pulled by Dr. J. On the other side of the court, Lord dskantor’s knights led by Sir Kareem are valiantly defending against arrows being shot at by Sir Reggie, Sir Paul George, and the rest of Lord 20ks’s knights.
Lord ashamael: “...”
Lord benhoidal: “...”
Lord ashamael hangs his head. “We were defeated.”
Lord benhoidal: “By a doctor???”
Lord ashamael: “...”
Lord benhoidal: “Well, that’s okay. You still have other teams left right?”
Lord ashamael: “...”
Lord benhoidal: “Oh look, fellow ‘Kool Kid’ Lord robusk has just finished defeating Lord cmcafeeky’s knights on court three. Did anyone ever figure out where he ran off to?”
Lord ashamael takes a juicy bite from a peach. “Probably just off somewhere with his sister.”
Lord benhoidal: “Looks like Lord robusk will face the Hand, Lord dh555. I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but it makes no matter now. Lord dh555 has been under my control since before the tournament started.”
Lord ashamael: “That’s hilarious.”
Lord benhoidal: “Yes, I had this grand plan where he would help me take over the throne. I would have done it without his help, but you know, none of the other lords trust me.”
Lord ashamael: “Very smart.”
Lord benhoidal: “Well, that plan isn’t working so well. Turns out my knights aren’t as good as I thought. Even if I would have won the whole thing on court five, the best I could have done was fifth place.”
Lord ashamael: “I would kill someone to take fifth place. Well not just anyone.”
Lord benhoidal: “Hasn’t bds9992 been through enough?”
Lord ashamael: “Never.”
Lord benhoidal: “Oh, look. Sir Michael of Jordan has finally been defeated.”
Lord ashamael: “Fighting by himself like that, it was only a matter of time.”
Lord benhoidal: “Taken down by Lord mptrey’s robot in five games. Now we will never hear the end of those stupid Sir Michael/Sir Kawhi comparisons. Looks like Lord mptrey will get to play Lord 24kpyrite. He’s led by Sir Shaq. I wish I would have drafted high enough to select him. Who wouldn’t want Sir Shaq leading their team?”
Lord ashamael: “...”
Lord benhoidal: “Wait, is that Lord amerk’s team that just defeated the Hand on court one? Ha! I never thought he would ever make the finals in a million years. I guess ever since he retreated into his hole, his knights have been playing better.”
Lord ashamael: “Well, that’s all the courts. When do the finals start?”
Lord benhoidal: “Wait. There’s still one fight going on.”
The two red priests swivel their heads to court one where we see an astounding scene. Eleven of bds9992’s knights lay sprawled on the ground, defeated. Only one knight remains. Sir LeBron stands tall, sweat glistening from his brow, the few hairs he has left billowing in the wind. Surrounding him are all twelve of Lord pexetera’s knights.
Lord ashamael smiles. “Looks like bds9992 won’t be joining us for the next Savage War.”
Sir LeBron swings his sword and immediately overpowers Sir Lee, Sir Zubac and Sir Nance. He swings his sword again and down goes Sir Anderson, Sir Faried, and Sir Delon. He spins and parries a strike from Sir Marshall, spins back around to parry a strike by Sir Ed, then counters with two strikes of his own. Sir Marshall and Sir Ed fall, defeated.
Lord benhoidal: “Maybe bds9992 has a chance? Anyone can win with Sir LeBron.”
There are now only four knights facing Sir LeBron. Sir Garnett, Sir Wade, Sir Jokic, and Sir Jimmy look at each other, then charge. Sir Jokic falls with five quick strikes by Sir LeBron. Sir Jimmy gets in two of his own, but Sir LeBron proves too strong. Sir Dwyane jumps on Sir LeBron’s back and rides him for a while. Sir Garnett meets Sir LeBron’s sword with his own and the two lock in combat. The weight of Sir Dwyane on his back proves too much for Sir LeBron. He can no longer carry him and eventually falls to the ground. Sir Garnett raises his blade.
Our screen goes black and we hear a piercing scream. We cut to the stands behind the two red priests and see bds9992’s horrified face.
Lord ashamael: “Ha! bds9992, won’t be coming back after all!”
bds9992 sinks to his knees. Then, without warning, he scrambles to his feet, and makes a mad dash for the arena door. Standing in his way is Lord Commander Shaq from court two.
We hear Lord dh555’s voice ring out from behind us. “Lord Commander! Stop that man! He has been deemed guilty of regicide by the gods!”
bds9992 comes to a halting stop in front of Sir Shaq who looks down at him sharply. Sir Shaq looks over at Lord dh555 and nimbly side steps. bds9992 rushes past him.
Lord dh555: “Lord Commander, what are you doing?!”
Sir Shaq looks right at the Hand. “MMMBLVRMMMBLVRMMM!!!!!”
bds9992 makes it to the arena doors, pushes them open, and escapes out into the streets.
Lord benhoidal: “I guess bds9992 will be back for the next Savage War after all.”
We cut to the fourth court. Sir Kareem has proved victorious in his battle with Lord 20ks’s knights. With one swift motion, he sweeps his arm around. At the very top of his reach, he releases his sword.
The camera fixates on the arcing sword as it glides through the air, higher and higher, and eventually right out of the arena.
We cut to the streets of King’s Landing where bds9992 is madly sprinting through the streets. He is pushing women and children out of his way and running as fast as he can in a straight line down the street. As he passes a couple of street vendors, we hear one vendor say, “Why doesn’t he zig-zag?”
Sir Kareem’s sword hurtles down from high above, straight towards bds9992 who keeps going in a straight line. We hear another vendor say, “Seriously, why doesn’t he just move to the side?”
The sword comes down and strikes bds9992 right in the ankle. bds9992 lets out a scream of agony and collapses in a puddle of mud. Knights surround him. Lord ashamael and Lord benhoidal are seen exiting the arena and approach.
Lord ashamael: “Ha! bds9992 is finished. Now we definitely won’t have to deal with him in the next Savage War!”
Lord benhoidal: “I don’t know. I wouldn’t count bds9992 out yet. I have a feeling he’ll be back.”
Lord dh555 catches up with them panting.
Lord dh555: “Tie him up. Bring him to the steps of the Sept of Baylor the Bricklayer. And someone bring me my sword.”
Our screen goes black and white block letters take over the screen: GAME OF ZONES.